Predatory tunicate Puns

1. Sea pen (deep) (increases speed when touching it by 10%)
2. Adamsia (deep) (hermit crabs can add it onto their shell so anything that touches the shell gets poisoned)
3. Predatory tunicate (deep) (will eat tier 1-3 when in contact)
4. Vent mussels (deep) (can only be placed near lava or on volcanoes)
5. Pyrodinium (deep) you cant see it but when you move in that area with pyridinium the water will light up into blue)

Even in the scenarios where humanity goes extinct (After Man, The Future Is Wild) or evolves into new species (Man After Man, All Tomorrow’s), or is not there (The New Dinosaurs, Hamster’s Paradise, Serina), all of them have some depressing bits, like the deaths of endlings (like Serina’s Stormsonor and Woodcrafter), one book takes the most pessimistic viewpoint of all, Peter Ward’s book Future Evolution. I’ll admit, it has plenty of cool future Earth animals, like lion-like predatory crows, but compared to other spec-evo works about aliens (we’ll get to that soon enough), or Earth animals, it has the most depressing and pessimistic outlook of humanity’s future, where humanity doesn’t go extinct in our lifetimes, but it would have been more merciful for humanity if it DID. There is a portion of the novel where the Time Traveller (never named) arrives in 3000 A.D. Human expansion has ravaged the planet, and megafauna is confined to zoos and safari parks forever, and that doesn’t include rhinos, many marsupials, many primates including great apes, hippos, almost all big cats including tigers, and many others, and it’s NOT because they have recovered. Mankind is also not developing starships with FTL propulsion like Star Trek, or meeting aliens, and I’ll let the book itself explain. “The Chronic Argonaut smiled briefly, closing his well-thumbed novel. He pushed the lever forward and sped into the future. At the year 3000 A.D. he came to a stop. His time machine was located on a small grassy field in northwestern Washington State. In the distance the familiar Cascade Mountains looked just as they had when he had last seen them, on the first day of the year 2000. A thin rain was falling, not unusual for Seattle at this time of year, no matter what the century, he thought. But it was a warm rain, and he noticed how tropical the air felt. He began to stroll. The park was filled with plants, and at first he took no notice of them. But with wonder he began to notice the large leaves and brilliant colors of foliage he had never seen in this area before. Citrus trees were visible, and acacias, and as he looked at the greenery around him he was struck by the lushness and clearly tropical nature of the vegetation. Nearby he could see buildings, clearly different in composition and architecture, but recognizable nevertheless. He was a bit crestfallen. Other than the dramatic changes in vegetation and climate, he found that the future was not so very different. He came u

##Green Lantern #51 – War Ready

<< |< | >

Author: KnownDiscount

Book: Green Lantern

Arc: Big Fish Theory

Set: 68

Detroit

John Stewart’s father was a stern looking man. He was short, and dark, and had a scar that dragged across the bridge of his nose from his forehead to his right cheek. But he was an easy-going man. Easy Dave Stewart. That’s what they used to call him on the street.

They sat out, that night, on the steps behind Grandma Marcia’s house. Warm light came through the kitchen’s screen door, and they were wrapped in the cozy aroma of her cooking, and John felt safe seated on a lower step between his dad’s boots. Desert brown. His father was a marine and was getting redeployed the next morning. Afghanistan.

John was eight. He thought of how little he ever got to see his dad.

They sat there in silence staring at the sky, laden that night with inky rain clouds, when his dad finally spoke up in that jazzy, gravely, voice of his. Easy Dave.

“You know what this is?” He held the cool black metal out for John to see.

“It’s a gun,” said John softly, as though he didn’t want to wake it.

“Right on, brother man.” His dad always spoke to him like he was just another one of the guys he used to hang out with. “Beretta M9. Standard issue. War ready. Never go anywhere without it,” he said. “Wanna touch it?”

“I don’t know… “John began, trailing off when he turned around to meet his father’s stern scarred face.

“Black man’s gotta stay strapped,” said Easy Dave coaxing. “Remember that, brother man.”

John wrapped his hand around the hilt. Felt the heat drain from his skin. His heart raced. His father grinned.

It was a lot heavier than it looked. But it was also a lot easier to carry than he’d expected. John turned the gun this way and that, studying its intricate design, and just as he got around to looking it in the barrel, his dad snatched it away from him.

“Shit,” whispered his dad, but a mischievous smile still played across his lips. “You had your finger around the trigger and everything, man!”

“What?” asked John, panicked.

“See, there’s your firs

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Do your worst!

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

They’re on standbi

Pilot on me!!

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

The wind bit at Eadwig. Raking across him like a thousand sickles of ice, their cruel edges snagging the fabric of his tunic and cloak- dragging on them from all directions at once as if to strip away what little protection he had from the vicious cold.

“I think my cock has frostbite.” He called ahead, words leaving his lips as a puff of steam. As he spoke, he peered at Dudleye.

His comrade was a mere three yards to the right of him, yet the frost in the air and the rage in the wind wetted Eadwig’s eyes as he spoke. The older man’s face, he knew, was scarred and twisted, ugly at birth and ruined further by a dozen battles.

To that extent, seeing it refracted into incoherence by the welling tears was likely an improvement.

“You’ve said that already.” Dudleye grumbled, his voice barely audible over the roaring air. “Then again, I’m not surprised it’s so hard for you to tell.”

Eadwig would have smiled, but the thought of exposing an open mouth to the frost was too much to bear.

They trudged along, the cold still biting them, the wind still whipping them. Four men ahead, one beside, two behind. Eadwig pulled the cloak tighter around himself, quickly reburying the hand he’d used to spare it more torment once he was done.

Say one thing about the infernal frost that had taken England, it made the ground easily trodden. Come spring, the carpet of soil across which the group so easily trekked would become as soft and yielding as silk. It was a small mercy that the dirt was as hard as the air.

Of course that was of little aid to Ser Hanry, the sanctimonious prick. His horse was the one who’d tire itself on prying foot from floor, not he. If nothing else, Eadwig allowed himself a satisfied grin to know that the noble knight would be getting not even that small mercy from the temperature.

His teeth instantly throbbed as the frigid air met them, and he quickly hid them back behind his lips.

Their journey continued well into the evening, totalling some eight hours of restless marching, and it was only when one of the older, more grizzled spearmen complained that Hanry called a stop.

Even then, Eadwig suspected it was his own tiredness of the cold that motivated him.

It took some time to get a fire started, with chilled kindling and trembling flint-and-tinders. Nonetheless, once it had sparked into life, the eight of them were able to quickly find enough deadwood to nurture it fast.

Before long they sat around a crackling blaze, half as tall as a man and ju

These creatures evolved in a world without us, and have to deal with us now that we’re back. This world belongs to u/Sparkmane, not me. It recently occurred to me that Spark has written about more turtles than I have, and that travesty must be rectified!

When I talked about the stinkplate turtle some months ago, I mentioned that a few other offshoots of the longneck turtle lineage took to the sea to escape the Great Drying. Let’s talk about some of them today.

The coralshells are two species of giant longneck turtle found in the shallow waters surrounding Australia. The smaller Southern coralshell grows to about 1.5 m carapace length, and can weigh as much as 500 kg. The larger Northern species, which inhabits the more tropical areas including the Great Barrier Forest, can grow to a little over 2 m in carapace length, and tops out at around 750 kg, with some exceptional individuals coming to just under a tonne.

This is just their body size; they also have ridiculously long necks. A mature coralshell can have a neck as long again as the rest of its body. This neck is windy, flexible, and very strong. The turtle’s skin is covered in bumpy scales the size of toenails, giving them decent protection on their most vulnerable body part.

The animal’s head is flatter and less streamlined than in other sea turtles, with a wide, frog-like mouth. They have very large eyes, the size of a human fist, olive-coloured and with yellow rings around their pupils. The coralshell’s beak has a number of sharp, tooth-like cusps; one very long one in the middle and two shorter ones to either side, about where fangs would be in a mammal. Two short cusps in the lower jaw fit in between the upper ones when the mouth is closed.

The shell itself is quite flat, but rather than being streamlined for swimming, it is near-perfectly round. This is because coralshells don’t swim quickly or long distances, but usually punt themselves along the sea bed. As such, they also have retained toes and claws instead of evolving flippers. When they do swim, usually to surface for air or to cross a deep crevasse in the sea floor, they swim like freshwater turtles, paddling with alternating motions of their feet instead of flapping up and down.

The outer edge of the carapace (upper shell) flares out quite far from the body, whi

When I got home, they were still there.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

I won't be doing that today!

[Removed]

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

There hasn't been a post all year!

You take away their little brooms

Why

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

After all his first name is No-vac