To wit: to woo.
I corrected him by saying that is plenty of money to buy some new tires for your car.
The physical pain on his face was priceless.
But he was so badly executed.
Confused, another redditor asked “What kind of match was that?” Cranium replied “No match for her apparently”
...could be pro-limb-attic!
Landlord: Unfortunately, stairs don’t talk.
It has a lot of potential.
Petest Parkest
What a re-leaf!
They gave me another one, free of charge.
Because “U” have a lot of potential!
The cow was out standing in his field.
It instantly changes your blood type ...
"Do you know the alphabet?"
"No, I'm a beta."
"OMeGa"
A young boy went up to his father and asked him, 'Dad, what is the difference between potentially and realistically?' The father thought for a moment, then answered, 'Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a Million dollars, and then ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that.' So the boy went to his mother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?' The mother replied, 'Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!' The boy then went to his sister and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?' The girl replied, 'Oh my Gawd! I LOVE Brad Pitt - I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?' The boy then went to his brother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?' 'Of course,' the brother replied. 'Do you know what a million Bucks would buy?' The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad. His father asked him, 'Did you find out the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?' The boy replied, 'Yes, 'Potentially', you and I are sitting on Three million dollars . But 'realistically', we're just living with two hookers and a queer.
I don't think he understands the gravity of the situation.
He immediately shouts: Don't do it! You have so much potential!
It's a murder investigation.
They have a lot of untapped potential.
Bro: I know the best knock knock joke! you start it!
me: ...knock knock?
bro: who's there?
me: ......
he just kept staring at me with an excited look, then we both burst out laughing.
Lost, they’re lost.
Because of this, my dad called me "sun."
You just wouldn’t have any potential
After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes," replies Watson.
"And what do you deduce from that?"
Watson ponders for a minute.
"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!"
He yells,” Don’t do it, you have too much potential”
Went out grocery shopping and grabbed some thyme as I was planning to cook this soup I make that uses quite a bit of it. My girlfriend is helping me unload the groceries and notices the thyme, saying, "You know we still have a shaker of thyme right?"
I respond with a forlorn sigh and a wistful look into the distance, "Thyme sure flashes by..."
Large hands
The farmer says "Sir, I've lived hear near on 60 years and all that time no one has ever tried to steal a bucket of shit"
A rapscallion
Son, you've got potential
What do you call it when Batman skips church? Christian Bale.
Why did the stadium get hot after the game? All the fans left.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Follow the Fresh Prince.
I'm not sure, but something tells me she's a keeper, guys.
But he didn't admit to anything. His lips were sealed. https://imgur.com/ogcyNTN
(My dad came up with this one on the fly when we visited Monterey when I was a kid).
She finished with some task and told me "I'm all done" and quickly added "but that's not my name"
A physicist sees a man about to jump off a building. He says, "Stop, you have so much potential!"
