Post coital tristesse Puns

Hi friends, M of a 7 year, recently opened MF relationship here.

My partner was the one that wanted to open up, and is having a great time with a sexual relationship she had with an old work friend. They've hooked up about 6 or 7 times now, and most recently she had them to our apartment while I went out. I've handled this all pretty well Although I've been a little delicate sometimes, we reconnect afterwards, and she's always ready to listen to how I feel etc. Bizarrely, it's made us feel even more committed to each other, which I didn't think was possible.

For me, however, I seem to be struggling with post-coital tristesse, and figuring out what I actually want from being open, if anything.

I've been out with two women, one of whom I've seen and been physical with twice. Both times after I've cum, I've felt a huge amount of disgust, sadness, a repulsion.

The first time was in a park, at night, in freezing cold weather, and hit me so hard I had no sexual desire for 2 days, even with my partner.

The second time was in a very empty cinema, and while I felt it far less heavily than the first, it still crept up on me as a general sadness and emptiness.

I've considered the following:

1. I'm demisexual and require to know someone properly before im sexually attracted to them. However, I have a dirty pen pal I met through Reddit that I've had Skype sex with, and felt no sadness after cumming

2. I'm not as into the person I'm being physical with as I think.

3. I'm actually not ok with being non-monogamous

4. I'm ok with nonmonogamy, I just haven't found what I value out of it yet

As I'm too poor for therapy, I'm coming to you peeps. Had this happened to any of you here, and if so how did you get through it?

Nearly every time I orgasm, I end up falling into a deep depression for a few hours.

AMA about PCT, or just anything in general!

Post-coital tristesse (PCT) is the feeling of sadness, anxiety, agitation or aggression after sexual intercourse, mostly in males. Its name comes from New Latin postcoitalis and French tristesse, literally "sadness". Many people with PCT may exhibit strong feelings of anxiety lasting from five minutes to two hours after coitus.The phenomenon was first mentioned by the Greek doctor Galen, who wrote that "Every animal is sad after coitus except the human female and the rooster." The philosopher Baruch Spinoza, in his Tractatus de Intellectus Emendatione, wrote: "For as far as sensual pleasure is concerned, the mind is so caught up in it, as if at peace in a [true] good, that it is quite prevented from thinking of anything else. But after the enjoyment of sensual pleasure is passed, the greatest sadness follows.

Helloo

I asked a question a while a back and people told me that I had PCT. It's getting in the way of me having additional orgasms and it makes me feel bad which makes me hesitant to do sexual stuff.

How do I treat this or make it go away? Is there something I can do, because this really worries me?

Apparently it's common and I experience it. After I nut, I just feel sad, listless and want to do absolutely nothing.

Has anyone here found a way to work around it? If so, what do/did you do?

New posting in /r/psychology: Following sex, some men have unexpected feelings – "What they concluded is that 41% of the participants experienced post-coital dysphoria (PCD) in their lifetime. 20% reported it happened to them in the preceding four weeks. 4% said they suffered from it regularly."

Wikipedia: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Post-coital_tristesse

A search thru reddit for previous times it has been discussed: https://old.reddit.com/search?q=post+coital+dysphoria

I myself (a male) can get extended Post Coital Bliss. Optimizing my post O situation to lengthen that is something I try to do. I can do that every time with masturbation, but it is a challenge of cooperation with a partner. New partners will be a roll of the dice of course. Unluckily for me, I'm in a dead bedroom marriage and my wife, though she knows my post-O preferences, isn't a frequent enough sex partner for sex to be relaxing to allow me to consistently get my post coital bliss.

I wonder though if she's a secret PCD person. I could ask of course, but she's never been comfortably telling me such things straight.

For those like me who are suffering from depression, anxiety states after sex, I wonder how you cope with it and what you do to feel better again or skip through this state? :/ It is a real poison to my personal life and current relationship (also experienced in previous relationships)

I apologize for the title, really I do. Someone popped in my inbox saying they enjoyed my writeup of Gardens of the Moon and wondered if I'd be continuing on that track here, giving my thoughts as a new reader. Perhaps more than one of you would be interested in that? Or perhaps this goes out to... that one dude who messaged me!

Anyway, this is a bit late, actually, because I'm now nearly halfway through Memories of Ice. There I was, saying "I never read the same author twice, variety the spice of life", and, uh... well. I'm finding these things strangely addictive.

I did think I might need a break after DHG, it being rather emotionally draining. You know what it reminded me of? King's the Long Walk. At the end of that book, I felt like my feet were sore. I was lying down at the time, but I really wanted to have a good lie-down.

You really are with the Chain of Dogs, and in fact most of the characters, every step of the way. Your feet hurt, you get sunburn, etc. I almost dreaded going back to those parts; I'd reach a new chapter about Kalam or something and think, how can I switch back to this? We can't be all lighthearted now, assassinating people and whatnot. Sure, this is a relief compared to that, but That is not over... That said, it was actually paced very well; Erikson walked a fine line with this book and he put those sort of relief switches in at just the right times.

Now, certain things about the series have been spoiled for me, some I mind a bit, some less so. I was aware that the CoG, in some way, would fail. I thought it might bug me, but it didn't, and I have to wonder, had I not known, would I have known? Because it basically starts at "ridiculous suicide mission" and spirals down from there. I'm not sure if the What of it was meant as a surprise, more the how, the why... and those were surprises. Thing after thing, ways that a human can not just be killed or anything easy like that, but stripped of their spirit, their soul, tortured and humiliated.

I didn't cry, which surprised me. I'd say I cry fairly often at art, whatever the medium. I was angry, just angry; I'm sure you know what I mean. Gripping the pages, furious at the mounting injustices on display. And thinking on it, I think that--actual anger--is a far rarer thing for a book to be able to conjure than tears.

After finishing the book, I felt that any nitpicks I might have had would have been reductive and somehow blasphemous, which is a testament to how powerful I found the

I'm in a relationship with an amazing guy! We've been together, as a couple, for close to six months now, so, still pretty much 'fresh' & still finding out about each others kinks & quirks.

Here's my dilemma... after sex, I like to have a hot shower, change into clean clothes & snuggle up on the sofa in a blanket & sleep. This irritates my guy as he likes his post-coital cuddles & falling asleep together. I don't.

After sex, I wait for him to fall asleep & then I'll shower, etc. Lately, he'll literally wrap his arms around me & hold me close (with a sweaty leg holding me tight also, for good measure!) or just go to sleep on top of me! It takes me ages to try & extract myself from this sticky, fermenting tangle or I stay awake for hours listening to my sweaty grizzly bear snoring, me getting minimal sleep & waking up tired, grumpy & irritated!

We've talked about our post-coital habits. He feels as if I treat our 'after-sex' intimacy as a "f@#k me, now f@#k off" situation (his actual words!) & its disrespectful! I've said whats up with the "after-f@#k bear hugs" (yes, my actual words!) & that showering after sex & putting on clean clothes heightens my positive mood. It's my personal ritual I suppose. As for sleeping on the sofa, he snores loudly!

Looking for salient advice. Thanks in advance.

He gets very depressed after we have sex, wants to be left alone and not talk about it when it happens. he always apologizes after it ends (could be hours or the next day) he tells me its just something that happens to him. I am very new to this and I'm trying not to take it personally.

Could this mean he is gay or not into me? What advice can you give to me?

(37F). I have a FWB,that I've been with for the past 7 months . I'm super into him. and he is flippin amazing. But , I've noticed I get this weird depression when he leaves . It doesnt happen al the time ,but more often than not . From what I've read , its PCD , but I couldn't find anything helpful to get me outta the funk.

Like , right now , I'm at work . He was just over , I gave him a BJ, and then we fucked a little later. Of course I came . But now , all I want is to be sitting on my sofa with him, watching something on the tv. Listening to him talk , smoking , feeling his arm around me . Having long drawn out sex with him over and over.

I really need some tips from yall. Any self care afterwards that you do?

A few minutes after sex, without fail, I let the biggest farts rip. Its like clockwork. Is there a connection here?

I (24F) vaguely recall discussing our life plans last night as we lay back in bed at 3am or something like that. How honestly, the people around us are making terrible decisions with their lives, that I only know one person my age who's had kids who was actually suited to have them, how one of my friends is now actually legally blind thanks to her toddler getting her hands on one of Daddy's superbright laser pointers. How having kids requires so much money and effort and time and dedication and we couldn't understand how people could willingly do that to themselves. We agreed on all of this and then went back to sleep.

Fast forward to today, what do I see? Bloody ads for pregnancy tests, fertility programs, child photography, kid-related health insurance, all over my news feed. Gah!! I came here to search posts for people who've had the same problem, and decided to try the Youtube trick (searching "I hate babies and children") on Facebook. ...Then I added in a few more, for good measure :T

Thank heavens, it seems to have worked. It's back to kittens, wine glasses and collector's edition books for me.

I don't actually hate babies and children, or think they're disgusting... mostly. But there's no way it would be a sane or sensible move for me right now. I have an extremely long laundry list of circumstances that must be in effect before I'd even consider it. I want a huge self-sustainable house, on my own property, with enough income that I'd be able to stay home comfortably, that I could afford to decorate a nursery and purchase all of the boatloads of required baby and child gear without even thinking about the price tag. I'd want a pretty garden and a library and musical instruments for them to take advantage of, money for good educational holidays, generous money for school fees. The environment would need to be in a verified state of recovery. My own mental and physical health would need to be spotless and my relationship perfect. I'd have completed my travel and volunteering bucket list, which is dangerous and expensive.

Buuut seeing as I've been living off cereal, sausages and toast for the past week, in my sharehouse of six people, these dreams are obviously very far away and there's a good chance they won't happen at all, let's be real.

I yeeted one would-be baby into the ether, I wouldn't hesitate to do it again. Stay out of my private conversations, Facebook, you don't know anything.

The definition is pretty broad but I'm specifically wondering about those of you who have had multiple episodes of crying (with negative feelings - not happy-crying) as you get closer to orgasm or right after orgasm.

A college crush of mine and I didnt mean to engage in sex while hanging out (or so I thought), we just got drunk and things heated up. We cuddled, pillow talked and asked me to stay so he can drive me home in the morning. 2 days later he asked if I enjoyed it and I immediately lashed out on him saying I felt stupid. He didnt message me afterwards. 😂🤦🏻‍♀️ please help so I can avoid being like this if it really happens sometimes. It’s the first time I engaged on a casual sex so..

I’m a man (30 yo) in a heterosexual relationship with my girlfriend (30 yo) and I suffer from what I’ve researched to be Post Coital Dysphoria (PCD). I love having sex and it feels great while in the act, but afterwards I’m overcome with feelings of sadness, guilt, and a general lack of desire to ever have sex again. My girlfriend wants to be close after sex, but I don’t have any desire to be touched. The negative feelings start coming on right after ejaculation and last for about 20 minutes. My girlfriend is very supportive and tries to comfort me, but the feelings happen every time and I don’t know what to do about them. And of course, I hate feeling bad after such a high during intercourse. I just feel alone in this and unable to talk to anyone face-to-face about it, so I’m taking to this sub. Does anyone else suffer from this? Has anyone found a reasonable solution? Any and all advice is very appreciated!

TLDR - I feel sad and guilty after sex. I don’t want to feel this way .

Hey guys! I really respect this community. There is so much pain here over broken relationships and dedication to healing and obedience to the Lord. I've commented a few times but I've lurked here for almost a year now. Thanks for being supportive of other Christians fighting to have holy, God honoring marriages. I need some advice if you have it.

I've been married for 8 months now and I've been noticing that after sex I get this wave of emotional fallout. Like I'm worthless and unloved. I get really clingy and feel incredibly vulnerable. I feel like crying for about 2 hours and I don't know how to stop it. It's been so strange because my sex-life is vulnerable, warm, loving, and satisfying. I feel completely comfortable with my husband and I love him deeply. Because of this, I made the mistake of ignoring it for quite some time as "just being over-emotional". But 8 months later and it's still happening about half the time.

Not surprisingly, when I told my husband, he was understanding and ready to do anything to make me feel loved and cared for. I have sexual abuse in my past, so I sought out counseling to see if we could figure out what exactly is happening. My counselor and I have had some success in finding some things that could help relieve some of those feelings but she thought it would be best if I go see a physician. The doctor told me that it's actually quite common. She said 46% of women and 41% of men have experienced this disorder called Post-Coital Dysphoria sometime in their life. Post-Coital Dysphoria is basically when you get suddenly really sad and lonely right after sex. It can last 2 hours to 2 days. It's been classified as a bio-psychosocial disorder. Which means that its physical, mental, and social. It has something to do with a sudden drop in dopamine and your brain producing prolactin right after sex, which can make your emotions go a little crazy.

I'm just wondering if any of you have had this problem before. If so, how did you communicate with your partner about your feelings or how did you respond to your partner?

edit: I can't spell...

Wow

I am 34 male and wife is 30, we have been trying for a baby for nearly 2 years and haven’t been successful. Since she doesn’t like to do ovulation test to know the date so recently she went to a clinic for checkup

2 months ago I also went to do a sperm test, result were normal.

So this week her doctor gave her a date where she will ovulate after doing the checkup and suggest us to have sex the day before and come back the next day for coital test. We did it 27th night at 6pm and the next day the test was 28th at 3pm

The result was which the doctor told her she couldn’t find any sperm, zero.

I am pretty shock as I did a sperm test 2 month ago, it was done in a different clinic and doctor. So in the end the doctor gave my wife some medicine and we will see the result, which I think the chances are really slim.

So what would you guys suggest for us to do next, should we go to the next step of IUI or keep trying?

At last count we were WTT, no true timeline but some point this year (my Mum is terminally ill, so we are taking each week as it comes all our “holiday before we baby” plans are on hold.)

As a result timeline has shifted up and I am so keen to graduate to CTFAB- but I’m not going to pressurise him.

So- we were a bit hopped up on beers last night, post socialising with friends, dtd.... he didn’t pull out. I didn’t actually know he, yno. I didn’t feel it. Anyway I said “oh it’s ok, you tired?” (Assumes he has just got the beer flop as I call it.) He said, “errr no....I finished?!” Cue me- “errr well that was unprotected?! What is happening?!” Him: “well... yno if it happens, we would be happy. I love you very much.” I was saying (quite tearfully and happy) “oh my god this is a big deal! I can’t believe you’re ready!” Him “no no no, I want us to be engaged first, but I just got carried away. It’s not the norm for us now. Sorry, I can see I’ve got your hopes up. ”

So... we debated what WTT and what the consequences of this action would/could be. Of course we would be thrilled if it happened, but he just really made me have lots of big feelings, then to dash them by saying I was reading too much into it has hurt me.

I then confessed about this sub (he thinks reddit is for kids he doesn’t get it) and the support and how he needs to realise that his actions have created upset for me, building my hopes up. I asked about NTNP. I asked if we were up a “category”. He was officially freaked out by all the acronyms and I’m not making excuses but Men don’t always get it do they?

Yet somehow... we never finished the conversation. He said he loved me and yes, was ready but not enough to “always” pull out. I’m going to want to DTD again at some point, but then I feel like he will pull out next time and I will be sad.

Is this WTT/NTNP/CTFAB limbo?? Should I raise this again?

Oh and... I don’t really track cycles closely, just Clue/Fitbit but I’m in my fertile window. I checked just now. Hence this panicked post.

Do I tell him?

I was thinking about an experience I've had a few times in the past and I was wondering if anyone on this thread has experienced something similar.

There's been times where someone I'm beginning to like, but am not yet attracted to, will make a move on me and because of timing, trying to expedite the slow attraction process of demisexuality, etc I'll sleep with them despite not being fully attracted to them yet (a super power of being female).

Now this usually goes one of two ways, 1 I realize I'm not developing attraction like I thought I would and have to have an unfortunate conversation or 2 I develop attraction after we've started hooking up.

The second instance is what I want to talk about cause when this happens I start to act like a dumb school girl with a crush. I get awkward and nervous and don't know what to say. But it's funny because by this point it's a person I'll have been regularly sleeping with and have been very nonchalant and casual the entire time and suddenly it's like I'm a crushing moron who cant form a sentence a month in.