Did you hear about the racing snail who removed his shell?
He thought it would make him faster, but it only made him sluggish!
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︎ May 04 2021
One day all mathematical signs gathered together in order to go into an adventure. Right before they were leaving, they didn't let the equal sign go with them.
They wanted to live an adventure without equal
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︎ May 14 2021
I lost big at the horse races tonight.
They were so much faster than me.
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︎ Apr 23 2021
Why was the character from Adventure Time called Flame Princess and not...
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︎ Apr 08 2021
Whatβs the more important race, a 5k or a mile?
The 5k because a mile race doesnβt meter.
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︎ Apr 30 2021
Why did the barber win the race?
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︎ Apr 01 2021
why was the cow pissed with the tractor in a race ?
cause it was mooving faster than it
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︎ Apr 19 2021
I asked a golf fan and a race fan what there favorite thing was about the sport?
They both said they like to watch people drive
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︎ Apr 12 2021
There's a rumour going around about two waves racing to the beach. Can you guess which one won?
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︎ Dec 17 2020
You know the problem with watching someone play a racing game?
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︎ Dec 27 2020
The Tells bowling adventures
Everyone knows the story about William Tell shooting an apple off his son's head but not many know that the Tell family was huge into bowling, even joined a league. Sadly, the records weren't kept safe and to this very day we have no idea for whom the Tells bowled.
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︎ Jan 03 2021
Why did the scandinavian runner leave the race early?
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︎ Feb 28 2021
Two cats are having a swimming race. One is called βOne Two Threeβ, the other βUn Deux Troisβ. Which cat won?
βOne Two Threeβ because βUn Deux Troisβ cat sank.
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︎ Oct 16 2020
I took the shell off of my racing snail in hopes that he'd be lighter and faster...
But now he's just sluggish
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︎ Sep 08 2020
The show Phineas and Ferb came and went like their adventures.
Started with a bang and phineased unexpectedly.
edit: woah my first award. thank you u/LingThingLS
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︎ Dec 07 2020
Perdue and Loeffler lost the Georgia race
And Iβm laughing my Ossoff
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︎ Jan 13 2021
And the race is on!
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︎ Aug 30 2020
I was racing with my younger brother on the track, and then he got mad that I didnβt draw a finish line marker on the sand. We kept racing but he kept losing, and at one point he got so mad he threw a tantrum and started hitting and punching and kicking me furiously
.....and thatβs when I drew the line.
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︎ Sep 12 2020
Did you hear about the guy who used a racing game to get reputayion on Reddit, but it turned bad?
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︎ May 26 2020
What do runners eat the day before a race?
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︎ Sep 11 2020
Itβs crazy, all these people running these virtual races, starting all over the place.
Where do we draw the line?
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︎ Dec 02 2020
Of all the Tolkien-esque fantasy races out there, which ones are the most unique?
Gnomes.
There's no race like gnome.
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︎ Nov 28 2020
Had a race to see who could hang out our towels on the washing line quickest.
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︎ Oct 10 2020
Who would win a racing competition among all the computer devices?
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︎ May 22 2020
A friend told me the Russians are best at racing.
I knew that was nonsense. People from Finland always Finnish first.
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︎ Jun 06 2020
Why did the European win the race?
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︎ Sep 23 2020
Why did the mailman win the road race?
His car pushed the envelope.
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︎ Sep 30 2020
Can you name 3 places in Scotland that are also the names of Grand Prix winning racing drivers?
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(Lewis) Hamilton
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Stirling (Moss)
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Ayr Town Centre!!!
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︎ May 18 2020
An American cat named βOne-Two-Threeβ and a French cat named βUne-Deux-Troiβ are in a swimming race. Why did the American cat win?
Because Une-Deux-Troi quatre cinq.
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︎ Jul 31 2020
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
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︎ Sep 04 2020
Believe it of not, the punchline is 22,112. "Wun-Wun" was one horse, "Tu-Tu" was one too. Wun-Wun won one race,
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︎ Sep 12 2020
Did you hear about the recent race to send a cow to space?
The steaks will be higher than ever
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︎ Feb 11 2020
I heard they were PANTing at the end of the race.
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︎ May 28 2020
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
The lettuce was ahead while the tomato tried to ketchup.
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︎ Jun 22 2020
The Tortoise : I won the Race...
The Hare : you beat me in the race but i had a nap, so who's the Real Winner.?
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︎ Sep 09 2020
What did the other veggies say to the tomato after they passed him in a race?
βLooks like you need to ketchupβ
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︎ Aug 14 2020
Kiddy Dong Racing is the perfect example of a Spoonerism
Spoonerism: a verbal error in which a speaker accidentally transposes the initial sounds or letters of two or more words, often to humorous effect.
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︎ Oct 04 2019
All the numbers had a race...
Do you who came first?
The first number. He one.
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︎ Jul 23 2020
I took the shell off my racing snail thinking it would make him faster.
It didn't work, now he is more sluggish....
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︎ Mar 31 2021
I took the shell off of my racing snail, thinking it would make him faster.
But if anything, it made him more sluggish.
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︎ Feb 01 2021
I took the shell off of my racing snail, thinking it would make him go faster. If anything it made him more sluggish.
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︎ Aug 25 2019
I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him faster. Unfortunately, it just seems to have made him sluggish.
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︎ Aug 08 2018
How did the barber win the race ?
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︎ Sep 01 2020
Took the shell off my racing snail to see if I could make it go faster...
Just made it a bit sluggish.
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︎ Jul 21 2019
Why did the barber win the race?
Because he took a shortcut.
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︎ May 25 2020
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