My wife said she's leaving me because I spend to much time trying to get reddit points for dad jokes.

That's karma for ya

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iMakeCrap
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
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My wife uses nasal spray a lot, to the point we think she is addicted to it. I tried to send her to rehab, but she didn't like it.

She said it was just a bunch of stuffy people.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tilt-a-whirly-gig
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2021
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Since it's International Women's Day, I'd like to point out some inequality: If my wife wears nothing but one of my t-shirts it's cute, but if I wear nothing but one of her t-shirts...

...I have to leave Home Depot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mkrjoe
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2021
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My kid is at the point where they want to put bandaids on everything...

I swear this is a true organic dad joke I had tonight. Felt I’d share it with reddit.

My kid came up to me and says β€œoh no, look dad, it needs a bandaid” as she gently presents her imaginarily injured bouncy ball.

I looked at my kid and said β€œI don’t think it needs a bandaid, he looks like he’s going to bounce back”

πŸ‘︎ 149
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ruum-502
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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I was starting to get worried about my Karma points on Reddit...

But getting over it was a piece of cake.

πŸ‘︎ 85
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigZ41
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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When driving by lowered, loud pipe cars I like to point at the air foil in the back and yell,

β€œSpoiler alert!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PhoKit2
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
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Services to the point
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πŸ‘€︎ u/viky_boy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
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Im tired of being misunderstood and I’m going to get straight to the point!

I’m drawing a line in the sand.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HappyRamenMan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
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A man drew a line in the middle of himself to prove a point...

He was half right

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JK-AJ27
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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There is no point in adding an extra 's' to the word needles.

It's needless.

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/amar610
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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My 9 month pregnant wife is ready to have our child any day now, but they just won’t come. She’s tried everything she can at this point. Sex, walking, dancing, spicy foods, etc... So when I asked her what I could do to help she said β€œany means necessary.”

To which I replied β€œNo it doesn’t.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FreshStartGo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
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At one point in my life I wanted to become a plumber

But it was too draining

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πŸ‘€︎ u/karma-enigma
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
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[REQUEST] I'll get straight to the point, I need a knife pun

As the title says, I need a pun that involves two unlikely friends. Knives and Charity/donations.

Any help would be appreciated!

Knife to be here in this community

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πŸ‘€︎ u/oliverpls599
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
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I explained to my wife, "Darling, it doesn't matter if your cup is half full or half empty, my point is..."

"You need to buy a different size bra!"

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
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After an argument, my cooking instructor wants me to stew goose feathers gently below or just at the boiling point...

She wants me to simmer down!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
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I buy yogurt to the point where some people call it hoarding

But I know it’s just cultured behaviour

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rant-rant-rant
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
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What did the exclamation point say to the question mark?

Nice curves!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hannookie
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
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At what point did the tomato realize he was about to get lucky?

When the garlic started taking off her cloves.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rayzon1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
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I went to a dinner party yesterday. The hosts are chefs and made all kinds of food, buffet style. I arrived early had some hors d'oeuvres. Then I realized I was thirsty, and I wanted to try the mixed juice drink. At this point everyone else was getting food, so I walked right up and got a cup...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bb5x24
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
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I see your point when it comes to dotting your i’s...

But crossing your t’s is where I draw the line.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2019
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A friend of mine asserts that she loves all animals. However, I did point out to her the distain she holds for large African water-dwelling mammals.

I just think she’s being a bit hippo critical.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yetanotherrob
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
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[true story] Dad and daughter trimming the Christmas tree with tinselβ€” DAD (points to empty spot on tree and says to daughter): β€œLittle more on here.” DAUGHTER (storms off crying)...

...”MOM! DAD CALLED ME A LITTLE MORON!!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VeryLastBison
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
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β€ͺAn evil French chef mixes Kryptonite in their treats and flings them at Superman. Batman arrives on the scene but does nothing, allowing Jimmy Olsen to catch the pastries in a net, at which point Superman saves the day. It’s like they say:

Not all heroes snare crepes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/atruthtellingliar
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
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True story: my daughter was playing a pet-salon game on her iPad and said to me: "Hey dad, I've just worked out that if you just brush their teeth over and over you get experience points faster." To which I replied: "You shouldn't grind your teeth."
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shadowfax1138
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2018
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I'd like to point out that r/dadjokes is about 100 subs away from 2 million

My father told me a million times

Never to exaggerate.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ponderingfox
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
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The sweetest thing you can do for your partner is lose a tennis match to them by not scoring a single point.

That’s love.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyeyedmcgee
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
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I'd like to illustrate two important points

. .

Thank you

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shaggyuc
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
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There was a point in my life where I was addicted to all kinds of soap

But I'm clean now, though.

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2019
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A rope a walks into a bar and the bartender points to a sign, says "Can't you read?! No Ropes allowed". The rope leaves the bar, ties himself into a bow and messes up his hair and walks back in. The bartender says, " ain't you that rope again"?! The rope replies, "Nope, I'm a frayed not"!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/goodboyBill
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2015
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I'm at the point where PM meals should not be referred to as supper or dinner, but more of a Family Meating.
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheJellyTruck
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2019
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I don't c the point in alaphabet jokes but, a I guess u got to give m a chance

this joke is so bad that it deserves an f

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Talcabus
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
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If flat earthers decided to walk the earth to prove their point, they’d come around. reddit.com/r/Showerthough…
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tomayto_tomaahto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2018
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Every dad at some point. Wife: Don’t let me forget to put clothes in the dryer in an hour. Me: Don’t forget to put clothes in the dryer in an hour. Wife: Killer death stare
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bismuth482
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2018
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If you’re trying to get your point across about something, try adjusting the decibel level of your voice up and down while talking.

It will speak volumes to people.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
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At any given point, the urge to sing β€˜In the Jungle’ is just a whim away...

a whim away, a whim away, a whim away...

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jeaners7n9
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2019
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Coworker wanted to put an access point in his garage so he could get Wi-Fi at his firepit...

I guess he wanted to turn his firepit into a hotspot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shutter_87
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
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My family drove past the highest point in Florida on our way to the beach...

The trip was all downhill from there

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Daniel_Day_Tiger
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2019
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I watched Back to the Future over and over, and I finally understand the point of the movie...

It's about time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Solest044
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
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At what point is it appropriate to start telling dad jokes?

When it becomes apparent

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pconling
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
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Driving with my son and we pass a farm. I point out the flock of cows. He turns to me and says "Dad it's a herd of cows"

Heard of cows, of course I heard of cows. I just pointed out a flock of them.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chefdumbdumb
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2019
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When people wonder why I am the way I am, I will just point them to this family conversation. (OC) imgur.com/ZWNLpTp
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SgtMac02
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2016
🚨︎ report
If I could have your attention to point something out.

points at something

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πŸ‘€︎ u/supersombreroman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2019
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People spend real money on special shiny internet points for this site that are usually rewarded to comments that are humorous and witty.

Does that make those comments comedy gold?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kushala-dankora
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2018
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A man drew a line on himself to prove a point

He was half right

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JK-AJ27
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report

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