I used to be able to play the piano by ear

But now I have to use my hands.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thedeathwaiter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2022
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Somebody asked me if I could play a song on the guitar by ear.

I told them, ”No, I can only play by hands.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2022
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I used to play the piano by ear.

But I got a lot better when I started to play using my hands.

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2021
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I have played piano for years. I used to play by ear

It sounds much better now that I use my hands

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ImprudentGoose
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2021
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They say the best way to learn piano is to play by ear.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Iocaine_powder
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
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My actual dad reading the newspaper out loud "learn to play piano by ear!"

Then he mutters under his breath "I'd rather use my fingers"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mattc_guitar
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2020
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One of my colleagues asked, "Do you play the piano by ear?"

Another colleague in the room replied, "No, Lisa. He uses his fingers. Gotta pay attention."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/magnalbatross
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2018
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A farmer was out in his orchard one day trying to figure out why his apples weren’t growing.

Just then a blind man appeared on a nearby path. The man asked the farmer what he was doing, and the farmer told him about his problem. The farmer told the man how he had tried everything, from singing to the trees, to shaking them, to blowing on them. The blind man thought for a minute and then instructed the farmer to try listening to the trees, because their song was not being heard. The farmer was skeptical, but figured he may as well try. He put his ear up to one of the small apples, and could barely hear the faintest song playing. He turned to ask the blind man how to hear it better but the man had disappeared.

Later that day the man told his wife, Andrea, all about what had happened. The wife was skeptical as well, but she told her husband to talk to their friend Jim the beet farmer, because he always had a healthy crop. The farmer obliged his wife and went and told Jim about his experience. Jim smiled, and he motioned for the farmer to come with him. The two walked to the middle of a field full of red beets. In the very center they found two golden beets. Jim told his friend to take the golden beets, and bury them into the soil near his orchard.

Night was approaching, but the farmer agreed to do what he was told. He thanked his friend and took the two beets to the center of his orchard, while his wife Andrea looked on. As he pushed them into the ground he started to hear the song of the trees. The song was a little louder, but still very quiet.

The farmer dug up the beets and began moving them to other spots. He soon noticed that as he buried them closer to his wife, the louder the song became and the apples actually started growing. The farmer, excited by his discover, ran over to his wife and stuck the beets into the soil at her feet. The apple orchard sung loudly and came to life with new growth. The farmer had the best crop he had ever had that year.

Moral of the story: If you want to listen to apple music, try plugging in your beets by β€˜Dre.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spirit_desire
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2022
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Did you hear about the musician with no arms

He has to play by ear

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2021
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I asked a pianist why he was banging the side of his head against the keys.

He told me he was playing by ear.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BellaLugosisChips
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2021
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Gerald, a young bull elephant was using the bathroom at his girlfriend's Bethany's apartment when he noticed one of those little pregnancy test things, tucked behind the cupboard...

... he picked it up carefully with his trunk and peered at the little window with a racing heart...

Positive! ... Brenda was pregnant!

OMG... fear, excitement, shock... and yet more worrying "why hasn't she told me?"

A hundred scenarios raced through his head, his ears trembling, his trunk twitching as each played out...

Finally he calmed... maybe she was waiting for the right moment to tell him the news?

He chose to be patient... he watched her carefully the whole day, carefully avoiding anything that might show that he knew... but Bethany gave no hints whatsoever.

Several days went by, and he grew more and more anxious.

Finally, he could take it no longer...

"Bethany..." he said

"It's time we discussed the elephant in the womb".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fractiousrhubarb
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
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Three little pigs

Once upon a time there were three little pigs, Pork Chop, Hambone, and Bacon.

The boys lived at home with their mother. One day their mother said, β€œI no longer have enough food to feed you boys, you need to go out on your own and find your fortunes.”

Not wanting to upset their mother they left the house together to seek their fortunes.

Several miles into their journey Bacon, the little pig everyone liked best, said, β€œLet’s build our houses here! This seems like a great place to start making our fortunes.”

Pork Chop and Hambone agreed. So they all began building their houses.

Pork Chop, the laziest of the bunch, decided to build his house out of straw, which he apparently stole from a nearby field. It was not a very sturdy building material, but Pork Chop didn’t care. All he wanted to do was play all day, and he didn’t want to spend too much time building.

Hambone was willing to work a bit harder and he decided to build his house out of sticks which he procured by de-limbing every tree within a 300 meter radius of their homestead.

Hambone and Pork Chop were happy. Now all they had to do was to play and sleep the rest of the day.

Now Bacon was a hard worker. He knew that his brothers had used bad materials and shoddy construction methods and he wanted to build the best house he could. He found several tons of bricks stacked in neatly ordered pallets in the forest which he decided to use for his building material. It took him several days, but when he was done Bacon had the best house on the homestead.

The next day a wolf, Scott Howard, happened upon the pig brothers and their new homestead. He spied the straw house and smelled Pork Chop inside and began to think to himself that Pork Chop would make a mighty fine meal, so Scott went and knocked on the door.

Scott said, β€œLittle Pig! Little Pig! Let me in!”

Pork Chop replied, β€œNo way JosΓ©! Not by the hairs on my chinny chin chin!”

Scott, undeterred by the reply says, β€œThen I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and I’ll blow your crappy straw house to the ground!”

Scott began to huff and puff. He was evidently having some sort of asthma attack, but after a few tugs from his handy dandy rescue inhaler, he was able to muster enough wind to blow Pork Chops straw house to the ground.

Pork Chop narrowly escaped Scott’s massive jaws. Scared, and now homeless, Pork Chop ran for the nearest shelter he could see. Hambone’s house.

Scott, undeterred, chased Pork Chop to his new hiding place. Scott was very pleas

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RageMonster17
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
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How does a blind person know when to leave a party

They play it by ear

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πŸ‘€︎ u/poiuytrfg
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2019
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Invited my dad to play video games with me. He puts the controller up to the side of his head.

"What are you doing, dad?"

"I'm playing it by ear"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tarheel6793
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
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Joke chain...

So I had a great chain of old jokes today in my morning meeting.

I started with "I bought a violin from a one armed seller yesterday. He said he played it by ear".

As the meeting progressed, I realized I could chain additional jokes together. 10 minutes later I followed up with it, "That one armed violin seller... he has a sister named Katrina. She's missing a leg so she likes to call herself I-Lean". The room laughed and there were many people who said "that's kinda wrong".

Then I followed up with, "Well she's not as bad off as her dad. The dad's missing two legs. When he goes in the swimming pool, they call him Bob."

And then I finished with, "But he still likes to water ski. When he does, they call him Skip".

It's funny because it all chains together.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheLe99
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2018
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My dad’s version of β€œThe Night Before Christmas”

A Christmas Poem
by Dad (1952–2009)

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the shack,
Not a creature was stirring, we was all in the sack;

Our mugs were placed on the mantle with cheer,
In hope that Saint Nick would bring us a beer;

And me I was tucked up all snug in my bed,
But strains of sweet music still danced through my head;

So I sprang from my bed with a crash and a clatter,
And off down the hall with bare feet did I patter;

There on the chair sat my musical pipe,
So I sat down to play without fanfare or hype;

Come Mozart, come Hayden, Stravinski and Strauss,
And write me some music to bring down the house;

When down from the chimney appeared with a crash,
A strange little man in the smoke and the ash;

He wiggled and jumped and got up like a shot,
Came over and said, "Man those cinders are hot!";

His stomach it shook like a bowl full of jelly,
For a moment I thought it was dear old aunt Nelly;

His nose like a cherry, his ears like two jugs,
I was worried that this guy just might be on drugs;

His language was foul, his jokes they were crass,
So I opened the door and threw him out on his ass;

But then as I turned, boy was I ever surprised;
I saw what he'd bought me, or so I surmised;

For there in the corner right under the tree,
Was some brand new sheet music and a case of O.V.;

I turned to say thank-you but found he had gone,
He was not in the garden and not on the lawn;

And just when I thought that he couldn't get far,
I realized the old goat had stolen the car;

Off in the distance he said with a wheeze,
"I hated to do it but you left me the keys!";

I smiled and laughed for this much I could savour,
For I'd just sold the car to my idiot neighbour;

And once more he called as he drove out of sight,
"Merry Christmas to all, and don't drive when you're tight!"

Thank you for everything, Dad. We love and miss you.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CannonBall7
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2016
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Got dad joked by the pediatrician

My 18-month old son has an ear infection, his first. I asked the doctor when he might be feeling better, and when he can go back to normal activities like day care, etc. He said, "Well, with otitis media, you really just gotta play it by ear," then walked away chuckling to himself.

ΰ² _ΰ² 

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πŸ‘€︎ u/supcaci
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2014
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(Grand)dad joke I heard at christmas

My little cousin was playing piano, and after he was done my grandfather said, "that was great. I remember I used to play piano; I could play by ear... But then my ear got tired"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IntensionallyRong
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2013
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How do you know when to stop eating corn?

You play it by ear.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dpty_Cracker
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2015
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I used to play piano by ear

Now I just use my hands

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AndrewABXD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2021
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I learned to play the piano by ear

Now I just use my hands

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2021
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I used to play the piano by ear...

But now I just use my hands.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/moonpies4everyone
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
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I used to play guitar by ear...

Now I use my hands.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trwyncudd
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
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I sold my guitar to a guy with no arms...

I asked him how he was going to use it and he replied, "I’m going to play it by ear."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2017
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