Hey guys, this ones for all you speed runners and those that want to skip the encounter. For me, this was simply for exploration. EnjoyNew Out of Bounds Spot in The Pit
I’m talking about a scene that literally made you think about it in silence afterwards about how horrible it was to witness. For me, it’s a toss up between the choice in Sophie’s Choice and the last scene in A Streetcar Named Desire. I don’t think I can watch either film again, it made me feel the worst I’ve ever felt watching something
Every day for the last 11 weeks since my Joseph passed, I fight the good fight.... some days are OK, some days are so so and I am happy to take either one of those as a victory because I didn’t fall down the pit of despair that day. Today, I woke up in the pit and I can’t seem to climb out. I miss him with every fiber of my being. I can’t believe I’ve survived this long without him, I can’t believe I am breathing air in a universe where he isn’t breathing. I don’t know what to do. I cried my whole way to work and it is not even going to be a bad day... it’s going to be much much worse. What do I do?
We didn’t play today but you can’t lose if you don’t play :)
For those of you that don't know Harry Harlow was a psychologist who experimented on baby monkeys. Trying to build models of infant development and depression.
His experiments using surrogate mothers and his 'pit of despair' to isolate baby monkeys from normal bonding. He would then reintroduce them and watch their social interactions.
I am not sure about a link, but I stumbled on this monkey hate thing and it reminded me of his experiments. I do not remember reading anything about him taking pleasure in the experiments, like the viewers seem to.
I’m a teacher. And I’ve had a rollercoaster week with my students getting into some difficult situations. And my youngest child has been sick for two days. I was fine last night, albeit a bit pissed about what the highschool is doing to one of the kids. But this morning I woke up dead. Exhausted. Sad. Didn’t want to leave the bed. It’s horrible. I have no particular reason to be this sad! What’s going on?
After going through Mother Nature’s idea of a sick joke, I think I’ll end up managing quite well. (That is, until the next extreme case of PMS strikes again. She’s still cackling devilishly at me in the back of my mind.)
But, right now, I just want to hear a yes/no from the schools.
Whether I am lucky enough to get in this year or have to try again for next year, I know I can be happy either way.
If my top choice doesn’t admit me... well, their loss. I’m sure the cohort will be amazing regardless, though, so good on them. And what, really, is another year for me?
I’m happy to be my normal happy self again. I hope all of you can stay mentally and emotionally sane.
Good luck to all of you. <3
I am so tired of people telling me to move on because I deserve more, as if what I deserve is what I need. They speak as though the fact that it is unrequited causes pain that i do not deserve to endure. But I choose to endure not because I like the pain. There are times when you just know who you have been waiting for this whole time.
I had her. She was mine, and I was hers. But that is currently no longer the case. Love is a two-way street, but it is not an on-off switch. Once you choose to love someone, no one can make you stop loving. That choice is entirely yours, and depending on your morals and character, that choice can be very simple. For me it is. I choose to wait. I give myself into her completely. Because I know it is right. My love is not dependent on hers. I stick around both by choice. There are just people you cannot quit, because the idea of not being there when you are needed hurts more than being there when you are not.
I love you. I made that choice. You asked me to never leave you. I won't.
I promised.
I still have my hands on the edge, holding on for dear life. I've been doing well with my recovery from PTSD this year. But i was triggered the other day and dealt with bad anxiety the whole weekend. I tried so hard to maintain my composure, but today my partner probed into my negative mood. We talked about the problem, but because he was part of the trigger i felt worse and only just stopped myself from breaking down at work. I'm scared to be relapsing, however now i've thought about it i don't feel as helpless as i used to. I still feel like i'm somewhat in control of my life, i just need to get past this emotional state. For the first time, on my own, I can say i will be okay.
I try so hard to remain sober from self harm, but every day I think about it .
Everyday I go to work, and realize I’m at a dead end job that although isn’t terrible. It causes me nothing but stress and anxiety for no reason.
I get paid shit, not enough to even afford a one bedroom apartment .
I would pick up and move if I could, but I have no continuing education after highschool.
That involves have a drive, which I lack from years of depression.
Sometimes it’s so hard to see the other side of the tunnel.
This year I’ve spent time in therapy, trying to get on the right meds, but for some reason I feel like I’m slipping farther and farther down the rabbit hole, and every day brings me one day closer to biting the bullet and self harming .
One day, I hope it’s not like this.
But by then I’ll probably have wasted my life away and won’t be able to pick up the pieces
Throwaway account because it feels right.
Mom had a traumatic childhood - abuse from both parents and siblings - which was never addressed, including when she married my dad and had both my brother and I (unplanned) in her early twenties. She had a meltdown around 30 years old (left dad, remarried a much older dude, moved to another state) and parents shared custody. We were only with mom and step-dad on school holidays and they lived in different states than we did which meant a lot of time on Southwest Airlines growing up. Dad was broken-hearted about the divorce and has struggled with excessive drinking to self-medicate, but was always a very present father and my closest friend to this day in spite of things not working out how he thought they would in life.
Our step-dad is sweet man at his core but was 24ish years older than mom when they married and he's always had health issues. Mom stopped working sometime in her early 40s to essentially be his primary caretaker. This was doable for them because step-dad was much wealthier than my dad had ever been and they survived on his income alone. I know that he and mom had some good years of real love but more than anything, I know mom craved some financial stability for the first time in her life. They lived pretty high-on-the-hog for about 10 years until step-dad blew most of their savings playing around on the stock market in his retirement. Mom had to go back to work in an unrewarding retail position to make ends meet on top of caring for step-dad, their two dogs, and everything that comes with homeownership.
Mom's been miserably trying to "prove herself" to step-dad's family - especially his three grown children - for most of their 14-year marriage to no avail. Everyone is cordial but her initial impression on them as the blonde, fake-breasted, second wife has never worn off. They seem to have a superficially loving relationship with their father, but have encouraged mom's back-breaking crusade to be SuperWife, step-dad's one-and-only support and they have not been very involved in his countless health scares and hospitalizations over the years. This is especially rough when step-dad is sick because he becomes a real crotchety old twat, just a terrible patient to his wife and doctors alike.
In the past 3 months, mom has pushed forward with an old plan to pack up their home and move them across the country to where she can care for both her husband, aged (estranged) father, and possibly herself by be
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So I had to play more than 15 games to rank from knight 4 to knight 9, and then I lost two games and I fell to knight 1, I was fucking 8 ranks above my current rank. How the fuck does one lose so much rank by losing only two games. I m just so fucking angry at this thing. Do I basically just go to pawn 1 by losing one game now.
I've been playing on my computer for awhile now. I probably started on ranked sooner than I should have, and ended up in Bronze I in all modes. I've out about 150 hours into the game so far, and while I'm obviously still playing at a pretty low level, it's been tough progress trying to pull myself up to even Bronze II (just made it earlier this week in 2v2, haven't even left Div I in 1v1 or 3v3).
I'm at a friend's house for the weekend, who plays a lot of casual but has never done ranked. I hopped onto his account to play ranked, finished my first ten 2v2 games just now, and BAM, dropped right into Silver III.
I've had this feeling about Bronze for awhile, that I was frequently playing people who simply didn't belong in Bronze, but after awhile decided that maybe I just suck and that everyone in Silver and up is doing crazy aerial stuff that's way beyond my skill level. Now that I've played a few games at Silver/Gold level, I see that's not the case. Obviously not all things are equal between my computer and my friend's Xbox; I'm playing with a different style of car and the Xbox can run things at a higher frame rate, but all the same, it doesn't seem right that I should struggle for months to get to Bronze II only to jump right into Silver on a friend's console.
So what's the deal? Is Bronze just filled with talented people playing below their level? Am I going to see a sudden drop in my tank as soon as I play 10 more games at Silver?
