Piscine Molitor Puns

TW: Detailed descriptions of gore

Context: Pi and his family traveled from India to Canada. The ship sank, but Pi survived alone by being tossed in a lifeboat. Also in the lifeboat is a tiger named Richard Parker. He has survived for six months so far by relying on his religious faith.

    Departure from the man-eating island was smooth, but I regretted leaving as soon as we were out in the open water. The waves, which had once seemed calm, rose again and again. The raging tempest showed no signs of stopping; rather, the storm grew stronger with each passing hour. 
“Piscine Molitor Patel,” I told myself. “This is merely a test from God to see if you are worthy. You will live, and you will survive. He commands it.” I closed my eyes and attempted to calm myself, breathing in and out. In, out. In, out. In, out. For a short amount of time, I felt hopeful. I had overcome the many trials before, and I would overcome this one as well. 
Yet, as the days passed, my hope began to dissipate. The waves clashed against each other over and over again. They violently jostled our small lifeboat as if it were a toy. My clothes were reduced to seams; they were no longer fit to serve their purpose. My body was in even worse shape, and a multitude of bruises started to show. I was collecting them much faster than they healed. 
Occasionally, there was a brief respite. I almost drifted off to rest my aching body and soul, only to be interrupted by a violent crash against the bow. I curled up in pain. The metallic taste of blood embedded itself inside my mouth. 
         I heard a snarl coming from the tarpaulin, deep and low. I shuddered; although Richard Parker was normally easy to subdue, almost all the orange whistles had been knocked overboard. If I lost the last of them and Richard Parker acted out, I would surely be mauled to death. 
         The thought of it was almost amusing. In the middle of the ocean, a young Indian boy clashes with a Bengal Tiger, only to be eaten hours later. How unlikely. Yet it was plainly in my future.  
        I was suddenly aware of the aching hunger in my stomach. How long had it been since I had eaten? I couldn’t remember. I steadied myself and crawled along the edge of our boat, careful not to disturb Richard Parker any further. I pulled the box open, expecting little, yet the amount of supplies failed to meet them. Why, there was only a paltry amount of dorado meat! It would barely last three days. 
I t

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Do your worst!

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.