The following events took place at an uncertain time, right around the first rollout of Covid Vaccines.
Cabal HQ at an undisclosed location deep beneath the streets of Washington
Seemed only weeks ago, the pharmaceutical companies announced the release of the Covid 19 vaccines and the rollout was slowly starting to take place across the US.
The usual hustle and bustle of the base ignited into a searing white frenzy of calls and meetings.
Even the habitually level headed and quiet Grand Master was now screaming into his cellphone:
"ABSOLUTELY not, are you insane?! No! No discretionary spending, we need to cut all costs until we figure out our next step.
Yeah, the death toll WAS amazing.
"WAS!" - he foamed at the mouth as another blood vessel burst in his already bloodshot eyes.
We caught a lucky break with this virus. HELL, I wish we could've come up with it ourselves..
But check the fucking news!
Not only have we grossly underestimated those greedy pharmaceutical assholes, the vaccination is now in full force!
If we are to hit the numbers we projected by the end of the year, we need all funds on stand by till SOMEONE figures out how we plan on killing another few million now that Covid is soon history!"
"Sir.. SIR!" "The Board needs you in the conference room!"
His hot 20-something secretary was tugging at his sleeve, urging his eyes to the open board room where all the highest ranking Cabal officials were already sitting around the richly engraved, massive mahogany table.
"I'll be right in Magdalene"
*not bad for a 2000 year old woman*, Hillary's crazy to avoid the Juice* he thought as his eyes followed her into the room, her long legs and shapely waist accentuated by her tight pencil skirt.
It was not her appearance he enjoyed however, it was the fond memory of claiming her from his long dead foe and the pain that never left her since.
However, he could have sworn he almost saw a glint of smile aborted on her face. Was she at ease? Impossible.
"Look, I gotta go.
Call me in couple of months or when you have something plausible but for now Project Rho is dead, got it? No big spending until further notice!
He slammed shut his phone.
Adjusted his tie, took a deep breath to settle himself and made sure he was smiling again, a good natured veneer he wore like a mask.
Or a weapon.
As he entered the large room, abuzz with noise and multiple frantic voices shouting in whispers he strode confidently to his
... keep reading on reddit ➡I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.
THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB
Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"
I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual
So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes
r/unclejokes for dirty jokes
r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC
r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes
Punchline !
Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub
Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat
The doctor says it terminal.
Do your worst!
How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?
Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.
But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.
We told her she can lean on us for support. Although, we are going to have to change her driver's license, her height is going down by a foot. I don't want to go too far out on a limb here but it better not be a hack job.
They were cooked in Greece.
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
He lost May
Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.
Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?
Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"
Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
And now I’m cannelloni
Because she wanted to see the task manager.
And boy are my arms legs.
But that’s comparing apples to oranges
Put it on my bill
Heard they've been doing some shady business.
but then I remembered it was ground this morning.
Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale
Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments
They’re on standbi
A play on words.
Calcium, nickel, neon
My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.
Pilot on me!!
Nothing, he was gladiator.
The bartender says, "Sorry, no minors”
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
Or would that be too forward thinking?
At work, I have a workstation.
edit: cheers u/cheer_up_richard
