#FT: France 0-2 United States
United States scorers: Megan Rapinoe (5' PEN), Alex Morgan (19')
Venue: Stade Océane
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France
Pauline Peyraud-Magnin, Elisa De Almeida, Aïssatou Tounkara, Eve Perisset, Marion Torrent (Grâce Kazadi), Grace Geyoro (Ella Palis), Ines Jaurena, Viviane Asseyi (Valérie Gauvin), Marie-Antoinette Katoto (Sandy Baltimore), Eugénie Le Sommer, Kenza Dali (Lea Khelifi).
Subs: Kadidiatou Diani, Perle Morroni, Solene Durand, Estelle Cascarino, Louise Fleury, Contance Picaud, Oriane Jean-François, Lennon, Océane Deslandes.
^____________________________
United States
Alyssa Naeher, Becky Sauerbrunn, Abby Dahlkemper, Crystal Dunn, Kelley O'Hara, Julie Ertz, Sam Mewis, Rose Lavelle, Alex Morgan (Carli Lloyd), Megan Rapinoe (Lindsey Horan), Christen Press (Sophia Smith).
Subs: Emily Sonnett, Jane Campbell, Tierna Davidson, Kristie Mewis.
MATCH EVENTS | via ESPN
5' Goal! France 0, USA 1. Megan Rapinoe (USA) converts the penalty with a right footed shot to the centre of the goal.
36' Marion Torrent Yellow Card
45' Substitution, France. Ella Palis replaces Onema Grace Geyoro.
45' Substitution, France. Valérie Gauvin replaces Viviane Asseyi.
45' Substitution, France. Sandy Baltimore replaces Marie-Antoinette Katoto.
62' Substitution, France. Grâce Kazadi replaces Marion Torrent because of an injury.
62' Substitution, France. Lea Khelifi replaces Kenza Dali.
63' Substitution, USA. Lindsey Horan replaces Megan Rapinoe.
73' Grâce Kazadi (France) is shown the yellow card for a bad foul.
75' Substitution, USA. Sophia Smith replaces Christen Press.
76' On: Carli Lloyd|Off: Alex Morgan
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... keep reading on reddit ➡#FT: Barcelona Women 2-1 Paris Saint-Germain Women
2nd Leg - Barcelona advance 3-2 on aggregate
Barcelona Women scorers: Lieke Martens (8', 31')
Paris Saint-Germain Women scorers: Marie-Antoinette Katoto (34')
Venue: Estadi Johan Cruyff
Auto-refreshing reddit comments link
Barcelona Women
Sandra Paños, Mapi León, Andreas Pereira (Kheira Hamraoui), Leila Ouahabi, Marta Torrejón, Patri Guijarro, Alexia Putellas, Aitana Bonmati (Asisat Oshoala), Jennifer Hermoso, Lieke Martens (Mariona Caldentey), Caroline Graham Hansen.
Subs: Vicky Losada, Melanie Serrano Pérez, Ana Maria Crnogorevic, Catalina Coll, Laia Codina, Jana Fernández, Bruna Vilamala.
^____________________________
Paris Saint-Germain Women
Christiane Endler, Paulina Dudek, Irene Paredes, Perle Morroni (Signe Bruun), Ashley Lawrence, Grace Geyoro, Sara Däbritz, Formiga (Nadia Nadim), Marie-Antoinette Katoto, Sandy Baltimore, Ramona Bachmann (Jordyn Huitema).
Subs: Alana Cook, Charlotte Voll, Alice Pinguet, Bénédicte Simon, Laurina Fazer, Jade Le Guilly, Oceane Hurtre, Magnaba Folquet.
MATCH EVENTS | via ESPN
8' Goal! Barcelona Femenino 1, Paris Saint-Germain Féminines 0. Lieke Martens (Barcelona Femenino) right footed shot from the left side of the box to the top right corner. Assisted by Leila Ouahabi.
31' Goal! Barcelona Femenino 2, Paris Saint-Germain Féminines 0. Lieke Martens (Barcelona Femenino) right footed shot from very close range to the high centre of the goal. Assisted by Caroline Hansen.
34' Marie-Antoinette Katoto Goal
45' Ashley Lawrence (Paris Saint-Germain Féminines) is shown the yellow card for a bad foul.
61' Paulina Dudek (Paris Saint-Germain Féminines) is shown the yellow card for a bad foul.
67' Andrea Pereira (Barcelona Femenino) is shown the yellow card for a bad foul.
72' Substitution, Barcelona Femenino. Mariona replaces Lieke Martens.
73' Substitution, Paris Saint-Germain Féminines. Nadia Nadim replaces Formiga.
73' Substitution, Paris Saint-Germain Féminines. Jordyn H
... keep reading on reddit ➡Phil
Sudden Lee
Go post NSFW jokes somewhere else. If I can't tell my kids this joke, then it is not a DAD JOKE.
If you feel it's appropriate to share NSFW jokes with your kids, that's on you. But a real, true dad joke should work for anyone's kid.
Mods... If you exist... Please, stop this madness. Rule #6 should simply not allow NSFW or (wtf) NSFL tags. Also, remember that MINORS browse this subreddit too? Why put that in rule #6, then allow NSFW???
Please consider changing rule #6. I love this sub, but the recent influx of NSFW tagged posts that get all the upvotes, just seem wrong when there are good solid DAD jokes being overlooked because of them.
Thank you,
A Dad.
So far nobody has given me a straight answer
Because a toothbrush works better
Had to ground him until he could conduct himself properly.
I am currently in the hospital. I had a back operation yesterday. The surgical nurse came in my room and started asking questions about my back. She asked me if I had any falls during the last year. I responded just one. It was after summer.
She laughed and said in 20 years of doing this she never was told that joke.
Indian places are naan profit, Vietnamese places are pho profit.
..... Will get a reward.
Because they work on many levels
The Bushes
..and as big as the last two put together.
Me : For starters, I bring a lot to the table
Well, toucan play at that game.
I want to talk about my father and the wonderful influence he has had on my life,' he told the audience. 'He is a shining example of parenthood, and I love him more than words could ever do justice.'
At this point he seemed to struggle for words. After a pause, he looked up with a sly grin and said, 'Sorry, but it's really hard to read my father’s handwriting.'
Argon does not react.
Windows
Martin Freeman, and Andy Serkis.
They also play roles in Lord of the Rings.
I guess that makes them the Tolkien white guys.
She said apple-lutely
I’d have $8.40
This happened a few years ago when my son was 6ish. When my kids hurt themselves and it doesn’t look serious I always do the “we might have to amputate that bruised hand” shtick with them. I’ve done it enough that they now roll their eyes.
So, my son got hit lightly in the face with a rubber ball. It wasn’t a hard hit and I could tell he was more upset by the shock of it rather than the pain. So I say “looks like we will have to amputate your nose.” To which he replies “then how will I smell?” And I say “terrible!”
It was my greatest dad joke ever. I felt like I could retire after that.
'Eye-do'
This is my first post pls don't kill me lol.
The people in the comment section is why I love this subreddit!!
Cred once again my sis wants credit lol
Keep in mind, my son is 4 years old, so everything is an original to him.
I had to work late into the evening yesterday, and he was just going to bed when I got home. I had left home for the office nearly 14 hours prior, had a long day, lots of meetings, traffic, etc.
When I walked through the door, I was exhausted, run down, and starving. My wife hugged me and asked how my day was, and I replied, "Done. It was a good day, but has got me exhausted. I just want to grab a bite and go to bed. I'm hungry."
From my son's bedroom, I hear him shout, "Hi Hungry! Nice to meet you!"
Not only did it make me laugh, but I completely forgot about how hungry and tired I was. I went to his bedroom, and we laughed together about it. It was exactly what I needed.
Edit: Thanks for all the awards, kind strangers! I'll let my son know y'all enjoyed his joke too!
I heard parents named their children lance a lot.
First post please don't kill me
Edit: i went to sleep and now my inbox is dead, thank you kind strangers for the awards!
To get to the... Bottom...
(as told by my 5yo son, I'm so proud)
Japan.
#FT: Barcelona Women 2-1 Paris Saint-Germain Women
2nd Leg - Barcelona advance 3-2 on aggregate
Barcelona Women scorers: Lieke Martens (8', 31')
Paris Saint-Germain Women scorers: Marie-Antoinette Katoto (34')
Venue: Estadi Johan Cruyff
Auto-refreshing reddit comments link
Barcelona Women
Sandra Paños, Mapi León, Andreas Pereira (Kheira Hamraoui), Leila Ouahabi, Marta Torrejón, Patri Guijarro, Alexia Putellas, Aitana Bonmati (Asisat Oshoala), Jennifer Hermoso, Lieke Martens (Mariona Caldentey), Caroline Graham Hansen.
Subs: Vicky Losada, Melanie Serrano Pérez, Ana Maria Crnogorevic, Catalina Coll, Laia Codina, Jana Fernández, Bruna Vilamala.
^____________________________
Paris Saint-Germain Women
Christiane Endler, Paulina Dudek, Irene Paredes, Perle Morroni (Signe Bruun), Ashley Lawrence, Grace Geyoro, Sara Däbritz, Formiga (Nadia Nadim), Marie-Antoinette Katoto, Sandy Baltimore, Ramona Bachmann (Jordyn Huitema).
Subs: Alana Cook, Charlotte Voll, Alice Pinguet, Bénédicte Simon, Laurina Fazer, Jade Le Guilly, Oceane Hurtre, Magnaba Folquet.
MATCH EVENTS | via ESPN
8' Goal! Barcelona Femenino 1, Paris Saint-Germain Féminines 0. Lieke Martens (Barcelona Femenino) right footed shot from the left side of the box to the top right corner. Assisted by Leila Ouahabi.
31' Goal! Barcelona Femenino 2, Paris Saint-Germain Féminines 0. Lieke Martens (Barcelona Femenino) right footed shot from very close range to the high centre of the goal. Assisted by Caroline Hansen.
34' Marie-Antoinette Katoto Goal
45' Ashley Lawrence (Paris Saint-Germain Féminines) is shown the yellow card for a bad foul.
61' Paulina Dudek (Paris Saint-Germain Féminines) is shown the yellow card for a bad foul.
67' Andrea Pereira (Barcelona Femenino) is shown the yellow card for a bad foul.
72' Substitution, Barcelona Femenino. Mariona replaces Lieke Martens.
73' Substitution, Paris Saint-Germain Féminines. Nadia Nadim replaces Formiga.
73' Substitution, Paris Saint-Germain Féminines. Jordyn H
... keep reading on reddit ➡#FT: Paris Saint-Germain Women 1-1 Barcelona Women
1st Leg
Paris Saint-Germain Women scorers: Alana Cook (21')
Barcelona Women scorers: Jennifer Hermoso (13')
Venue: Stade Georges Lefèvre
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Paris Saint-Germain Women
Christiane Endler, Paulina Dudek, Irene Paredes, Perle Morroni, Alana Cook (Ramona Bachmann), Formiga (Nadia Nadim), Sara Däbritz, Grace Geyoro, Marie-Antoinette Katoto, Sandy Baltimore, Ashley Lawrence.
Subs: Jordyn Huitema, Signe Bruun, Charlotte Voll, Alice Pinguet, Bénédicte Simon, Laurina Fazer, Jade Le Guilly, Oceane Hurtre, Magnaba Folquet.
^____________________________
Barcelona Women
Sandra Paños, Mapi León, Andreas Pereira, Leila Ouahabi, Marta Torrejón, Kheira Hamraoui (Vicky Losada), Alexia Putellas, Aitana Bonmati, Jennifer Hermoso (Asisat Oshoala), Lieke Martens (Mariona Caldentey), Caroline Graham Hansen.
Subs: Melanie Serrano Pérez, Ana Maria Crnogorevic, Catalina Coll, Laia Codina, Gemma Font, Jana Fernández, Bruna Vilamala.
MATCH EVENTS | via ESPN
21' Goal! Paris Saint-Germain Féminines 1, Barcelona Femenino 1. Alana Cook (Paris Saint-Germain Féminines) header from the left side of the six yard box to the bottom left corner. Assisted by Marie-Antoinette Katoto with a headed pass following a corner.
30' Formiga (Paris Saint-Germain Féminines) is shown the yellow card.
36' Andrea Pereira (Barcelona Femenino) is shown the yellow card for a bad foul.
52' Perle Morroni (Paris Saint-Germain Féminines) is shown the yellow card for a bad foul.
73' Substitution, Paris Saint-Germain Féminines. Ramona Bachmann replaces Alana Cook.
74' Substitution, Barcelona Femenino. Mariona replaces Lieke Martens.
74' Substitution, Barcelona Femenino. Asisat Oshoala replaces Jenni Hermoso.
76' Substitution, Paris Saint-Germain Féminines. Nadia Nadim replaces Formiga.
84' Substitution, Barcelona Femenino. Vicky Losada replaces Kheira Hamra
... keep reading on reddit ➡#FT: Barcelona Women 2-1 Paris Saint-Germain Women
2nd Leg - Barcelona advance 3-2 on aggregate
Barcelona Women scorers: Lieke Martens (8', 31')
Paris Saint-Germain Women scorers: Marie-Antoinette Katoto (34')
Venue: Estadi Johan Cruyff
Auto-refreshing reddit comments link
Barcelona Women
Sandra Paños, Mapi León, Andreas Pereira (Kheira Hamraoui), Leila Ouahabi, Marta Torrejón, Patri Guijarro, Alexia Putellas, Aitana Bonmati (Asisat Oshoala), Jennifer Hermoso, Lieke Martens (Mariona Caldentey), Caroline Graham Hansen.
Subs: Vicky Losada, Melanie Serrano Pérez, Ana Maria Crnogorevic, Catalina Coll, Laia Codina, Jana Fernández, Bruna Vilamala.
^____________________________
Paris Saint-Germain Women
Christiane Endler, Paulina Dudek, Irene Paredes, Perle Morroni (Signe Bruun), Ashley Lawrence, Grace Geyoro, Sara Däbritz, Formiga (Nadia Nadim), Marie-Antoinette Katoto, Sandy Baltimore, Ramona Bachmann (Jordyn Huitema).
Subs: Alana Cook, Charlotte Voll, Alice Pinguet, Bénédicte Simon, Laurina Fazer, Jade Le Guilly, Oceane Hurtre, Magnaba Folquet.
MATCH EVENTS | via ESPN
8' Goal! Barcelona Femenino 1, Paris Saint-Germain Féminines 0. Lieke Martens (Barcelona Femenino) right footed shot from the left side of the box to the top right corner. Assisted by Leila Ouahabi.
31' Goal! Barcelona Femenino 2, Paris Saint-Germain Féminines 0. Lieke Martens (Barcelona Femenino) right footed shot from very close range to the high centre of the goal. Assisted by Caroline Hansen.
34' Marie-Antoinette Katoto Goal
45' Ashley Lawrence (Paris Saint-Germain Féminines) is shown the yellow card for a bad foul.
61' Paulina Dudek (Paris Saint-Germain Féminines) is shown the yellow card for a bad foul.
67' Andrea Pereira (Barcelona Femenino) is shown the yellow card for a bad foul.
72' Substitution, Barcelona Femenino. Mariona replaces Lieke Martens.
73' Substitution, Paris Saint-Germain Féminines. Nadia Nadim replaces Formiga.
73' Substitution, Paris Saint-Germain F
... keep reading on reddit ➡#FT: Paris Saint-Germain Women 0-1 Lyon Women
1st Leg
Lyon Women scorers: Wendie Renard (86' PEN)
Venue: Parc des Princes
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Paris Saint-Germain Women
Christiane Endler, Paulina Dudek, Irene Paredes, Perle Morroni, Ashley Lawrence, Formiga, Sara Däbritz (Jordyn Huitema), Grace Geyoro, Marie-Antoinette Katoto (Nadia Nadim), Ramona Bachmann (Sandy Baltimore), Kadidiatou Diani (Signe Bruun).
Subs: Alana Cook, Charlotte Voll, Alice Pinguet, Bénédicte Simon, Laurina Fazer, Jade Le Guilly, Oceane Hurtre, Magnaba Folquet.
^____________________________
Lyon Women
Sarah Bouhaddi, Wendie Renard, Kadeisha Buchanan, Sakina Karchaoui, Ellie Carpenter, Dzsenifer Marozsán (Damaris Egurrola), Saki Kumagai (Eugénie Le Sommer), Amadine Henry, Nikita Parris (Melvine Malard), Amel Majri (Janice Cayman), Delphine Cascarino (Catarina Macario).
Subs: Dolores Gallardo, Sara Björk Gunnarsdottir, Katriina Talaslahti, Vicki Becho.
MATCH EVENTS | via ESPN
7' Amel Majri (Lyon Féminines) is shown the yellow card for a bad foul.
47' Irene Paredes (Paris Saint-Germain Féminines) is shown the yellow card for a bad foul.
61' Substitution, Lyon Féminines. Eugénie Le Sommer replaces Saki Kumagai.
61' Substitution, Paris Saint-Germain Féminines. Sandy Baltimore replaces Ramona Bachmann.
62' Substitution, Lyon Féminines. Damaris Egurrola replaces Dzsenifer Marozsán.
70' Substitution, Paris Saint-Germain Féminines. Signe Bruun replaces Kadidiatou Diani because of an injury.
75' Substitution, Lyon Féminines. Melvine Malard replaces Nikita Parris.
76' On: Catarina Macario|Off: Delphine Cascarino
86' Goal! Paris Saint-Germain Féminines 0, Lyon Féminines 1. Wendie Renard (Lyon Féminines) converts the penalty with a right footed shot to the top right corner.
87' Substitution, Paris Saint-Germain Féminines. Nadia Nadim replaces Marie-Antoinette Katoto.
87' Substitution, Paris Saint-Germain Féminines.
... keep reading on reddit ➡#FT: France 0-2 United States
United States scorers: Megan Rapinoe (5' PEN), Alex Morgan (19')
Venue: ?
Auto-refreshing reddit comments link
France
Pauline Peyraud-Magnin, Elisa De Almeida, Aïssatou Tounkara, Eve Perisset, Marion Torrent (Grâce Kazadi), Grace Geyoro (Ella Palis), Ines Jaurena, Viviane Asseyi (Valérie Gauvin), Marie-Antoinette Katoto (Sandy Baltimore), Eugénie Le Sommer, Kenza Dali (Lea Khelifi).
Subs: Kadidiatou Diani, Perle Morroni, Solene Durand, Estelle Cascarino, Louise Fleury, Contance Picaud, Oriane Jean-François, Lennon, Océane Deslandes.
^____________________________
United States
Alyssa Naeher, Becky Sauerbrunn, Abby Dahlkemper, Crystal Dunn, Kelley O'Hara, Julie Ertz, Sam Mewis, Rose Lavelle, Alex Morgan (Carli Lloyd), Megan Rapinoe (Lindsey Horan), Christen Press (Sophia Smith).
Subs: Emily Sonnett, Jane Campbell, Tierna Davidson, Kristie Mewis.
MATCH EVENTS | via ESPN
5' Goal! France 0, USA 1. Megan Rapinoe (USA) converts the penalty with a right footed shot to the centre of the goal.
36' Marion Torrent Yellow Card
45' Substitution, France. Ella Palis replaces Onema Grace Geyoro.
45' Substitution, France. Valérie Gauvin replaces Viviane Asseyi.
45' Substitution, France. Sandy Baltimore replaces Marie-Antoinette Katoto.
62' On: Grâce Kazadi|Off: Marion Torrent
62' Substitution, France. Lea Khelifi replaces Kenza Dali.
63' Substitution, USA. Lindsey Horan replaces Megan Rapinoe.
73' Grâce Kazadi (France) is shown the yellow card for a bad foul.
75' Substitution, USA. Sophia Smith replaces Christen Press.
76' On: Carli Lloyd|Off: Alex Morgan
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#FT: Paris Saint-Germain Women 0-1 Lyon Women
Lyon Women scorers: Wendie Renard (67')
Venue: San Mamés
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Paris Saint-Germain Women
Christiane Endler, Ashley Lawrence, Irene Paredes, Perle Morroni, Paulina Dudek, Nadia Nadim (Sandy Baltimore) (Signe Bruun), Kadidiatou Diani, Sara Däbritz, Grace Geyoro, Ramona Bachmann (Formiga), Marie-Antoinette Katoto.
Subs: Alana Cook, Jordyn Huitema, Karina Saevik, Luana, Lea Khelifi, Charlotte Voll, Bénédicte Simon, Laurina Fazer, Arianna Criscione.
^____________________________
Lyon Women
Sarah Bouhaddi, Wendie Renard, Lucy Bronze, Kadeisha Buchanan, Sakina Karchaoui (Selma Bacha), Saki Kumagai, Amel Majri, Dzsenifer Marozsán (Shanice van de Sanden), Delphine Cascarino (Eugénie Le Sommer), Sara Björk Gunnarsdottir, Nikita Parris.
Subs: Alex Greenwood, Jodie Taylor, Dolores Gallardo, Ellie Carpenter, Janice Cayman, Melvine Malard, Katriina Talaslahti.
MATCH EVENTS | via ESPN
17' Nadia Nadim (Paris Saint-Germain Féminines) is shown the yellow card for a bad foul.
29' Onema Grace Geyoro (Paris Saint-Germain Féminines) is shown the yellow card for a bad foul.
52' Nikita Parris (Lyon Féminines) is shown the yellow card.
54' Substitution, Paris Saint-Germain Féminines. Sandy Baltimore replaces Nadia Nadim.
67' Substitution, Paris Saint-Germain Féminines. Formiga replaces Ramona Bachmann.
67' Goal! Paris Saint-Germain Féminines 0, Lyon Féminines 1. Wendie Renard (Lyon Féminines) header from the centre of the box to the bottom left corner. Assisted by Amel Majri with a cross following a set piece situation.
73' Substitution, Lyon Féminines. Selma Bacha replaces Sakina Karchaoui.
75' Second yellow card to Nikita Parris (Lyon Féminines) for a bad foul.
77' Substitution, Lyon Féminines. Eugénie Le Sommer replaces Delphine Cascarino.
81' Substitution, Paris Saint-Germain Féminines. Signe Bruun replaces Sandy Baltimore.
... keep reading on reddit ➡#FT: Arsenal Women 1-2 Paris Saint-Germain Women
Arsenal Women scorers: Beth Mead (39')
Paris Saint-Germain Women scorers: Marie-Antoinette Katoto (15'), Signe Bruun (77')
Venue: Reale Arena
Auto-refreshing reddit comments link
Arsenal Women
Manuela Zinsberger, Katie McCabe (Steph Catley), Noelle Maritz, Leah Williamson, Jenny Beattie (Viktoria Schnaderbeck), Kim Little, Daniëlle van de Donk (Jill Roord), Lia Wälti, Lisa Evans (Jordan Nobbs), Beth Mead (Caitlin Foord), Vivianne Miedema.
Subs: Leonie Maier, Malin Gut, Ruby Mace, Frances Stenson, Melisa Filis.
^____________________________
Paris Saint-Germain Women
Christiane Endler, Ashley Lawrence, Irene Paredes, Perle Morroni, Paulina Dudek, Nadia Nadim (Sandy Baltimore), Kadidiatou Diani (Formiga), Sara Däbritz, Grace Geyoro, Ramona Bachmann (Signe Bruun), Marie-Antoinette Katoto.
Subs: Alana Cook, Jordyn Huitema, Karina Saevik, Luana, Lea Khelifi, Charlotte Voll, Alice Pinguet, Bénédicte Simon, Laurina Fazer.
MATCH EVENTS | via ESPN
15' Goal! Arsenal Women 0, Paris Saint-Germain Féminines 1. Marie-Antoinette Katoto (Paris Saint-Germain Féminines) right footed shot from the centre of the box to the bottom right corner. Assisted by Nadia Nadim with a cross following a corner.
32' Kadidiatou Diani (Paris Saint-Germain Féminines) is shown the yellow card for a bad foul.
39' Goal! Arsenal Women 1, Paris Saint-Germain Féminines 1. Beth Mead (Arsenal Women) left footed shot from the right side of the box to the bottom left corner. Assisted by Kim Little.
40' Ashley Lawrence (Paris Saint-Germain Féminines) is shown the yellow card for a bad foul.
49' Substitution, Arsenal Women. Viktoria Schnaderbeck replaces Jennifer Beattie because of an injury.
68' Substitution, Paris Saint-Germain Féminines. Sandy Baltimore replaces Nadia Nadim.
74' Substitution, Paris Saint-Germain Féminines. Signe Bruun replaces Ramona Bachmann.
76' Substitution, Arsenal Women. Caitlin Foord replaces Beth Mead.
... keep reading on reddit ➡