Someone once said to me. “How do you sleep at night knowing that people don’t like you” To which I replied
“With the fan on”
My daughter asked me why there are a lot of soaps that smell like lavender. I said "It's just a popular smell that a lot of people like, like sweet orange, lemongrass and rosemary." She paused and then nodded and replied:
"Yes, that seems like common scents."
People who have had some of their digits removed don't seem to like me.
I guess they are just lack-toes intolerant.
My construction worker friend thinks artsy people like me are so dumb.
He asked me, "What's a 2x4?" So I said, "To play the low parts."
You wanna know why I dont like people talking about me?
Because they discussed me.
24 hours doesn't seem like much to some people but to me..
It really makes my day.
I like to watch People play games online. Guess that makes me a "Streaming fan"
I am a butcher and my wife doesn’t like me introducing her to people
Especially when I say Meet Patty
People ask me why I keep bring my sled to places like yard sales and the flea market
I tell them the answer is simple...Toboggan!
I like to keep a photo of the Sun on my phone. When people ask me if I have any kids, I start telling 'em about my son and how bright he is. I then pull out the phone to show them the photo.
I hate it when people ask me,”what do you think the future is going to be like?”
I don’t have 2020 vision
People ask me how I like being an elevator repairman
It has its ups and downs
Some people like to look at the glass as half full and others like to look at it as half empty but me,
I just like to drink it
When people tell me to stop acting like a flamingo...
...that's when I put my foot down.
People usually treat me like a god
They forget I exist until they need something..
People walking in on me in the bathroom. That's the shit I don't like.
I finally found a great pub that caters to tall people like me
And let me tell you, they really raised the bar!
To all the people on this sub who, like me, have trouble finishing what they start, I say...
People always tell me I look like a celebrity or my parents
But personally I think I look more like myself
I don't like when people punch me in the stomach while I'm playing guitar...
because it always hurts me (in my) mid riff.
I don't like it when people ask me what im going to do in 286 days
C'mon I don't have 2020 vision
I like when people take pictures of me.
It's flattering
Whenever people ask me if I like to play golf...
I say, 'yeah I play in my backyard fairly often. So I guess I like to play croquetsionally'.
I hate it when people ask me what my life will be like in a year
It's not like I have 2020 vision
Is it just me, or do people like to single themselves out?
I like to keep a photo of the Sun on my phone. When people ask me if I have any kids, I start telling 'em about my son and how bright he is. I then pull out the phone to show them the photo. "He's my star," I conclude with a smile.
