How much does Santa pay to park his sleigh?

Nothing, it's on the house.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/svncactus117
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 23 2020
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Somebody stole my Microsoft office and they're going to pay.

You have my Word.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/red_snake0329
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 28 2021
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My friend just can't afford to pay his huge water bill...

I've sent him a Get Well Soon card.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 56
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 22 2021
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Have you heard about the Grizzly zoo that couldn't afford to pay the keepers?

It's pretty bear bones, now.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TokyoGhoulFreak
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 31 2021
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What do you call a fiance that always pays for your stuff?

A finance

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/its_boogeyman
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 01 2021
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My friend worked at the zoo to circumcise elephants, the pay was bad but...

The tips were huge

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MoreTITS
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 06 2020
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I went to the rock-wall place but my debit card was declined, so I had to pay with the coins in my car’s center console.

It was my climb-it change.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CarterLawler
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 10 2021
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How much do pirates pay for their earrings?

A buccaneer!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/noapostrophe555
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 27 2021
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A woman walks into a music shop and finds an album for 95 cents and pays for it with a dollar

she got a nickleback

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/sarcastic_kittie
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 26 2021
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I need to pay for my horse's accommodation.

It's a stay bill.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Cobclob
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 14 2021
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Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow

It was our last warming.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 39
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SpontaneouslyPickled
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 03 2020
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What happened when Santa didn't pay to park his sleigh?

It got mistletowed.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/danyodaddyo
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 22 2020
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How do you pay someone that is giving you a circumcision?

Tell em’ to keep the tip.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 26
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/wonkagloop
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 09 2020
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What do you call a noodle you pay for sex?

A pastatute

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bob0212
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 31 2020
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What happened when the girl didn’t pay her exorcist

Her soul got repossessed

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/vamplestat666
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 23 2020
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BR EAK ING NE WS....'Bill Gates has agreed to pay for the finishing of Trumps Wall."

(on the condition he gets to install Windows in it)

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 24 2020
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For my next car, I’m going to buy a Honda directly from Japan and pay all the necessary tariffs.

It will be my Civic duty.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 22
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 04 2020
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What do you call a girl who refuses to pay her bills?

Burnadebt

(Just thought of this and I gotta admit...I'm a little bit proud of myself.)

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/zipflop
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 13 2020
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I keep asking my flatmate to pay his rent

And he keeps turning sideways to avoid me

πŸ‘οΈŽ 25
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/fuqers
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 05 2020
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I was working behind the bar today when two guys came in and tried to pay with a couple of counterfeit Β£10 notes. When I told the manager, he asked what they looked like..

β€œLike Β£10 notes” I told him

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 15 2020
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The prosecutor offered the ballet dancer two choices after she did not pay her mountain of parking tickets. A) Say guilty, pay them off, and get probation for 6 months or B) Say Not Guilty and go to trial and perhaps serve 6 months in jail.

She took plea A.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/explosivelydehiscent
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 26 2020
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Before air was free at the gas station, and now you have to pay for it? You know why?

Inflation

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/viky_boy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 18 2020
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Did you know that in some countries, mathematicians are forced to pay fines for being unlawful to Jesus?

Yeah, it’s called a Sin-tax.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/hwhouston517
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 23 2020
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Did you hear about the pay as you go toilet in space?

The price was gastronomical!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 27 2020
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The Czech republic is introducing a train ticketing system so you can pay with bitcoin...

...it uses blocktrain Czechnology.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/FunMathematician1
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 24 2020
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The police officer made me pay up for my crime.

Meh, that's fine

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/timfreemints
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 25 2020
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I have just found the Catholic version of pay per view.

The pay per see.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jonnykelly
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 29 2020
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I told my bowmen that I would pay anytime they need to get some practice in at the course.

They’re free range archers now.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/blg111222
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 11 2020
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My son asked we to pay for his rifle test today. It was $30.

That was a cheap shot.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/signequanon
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 13 2020
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I crack bad jokes about having to borrow my parents old clothes because my job doesn't pay well...

What can I say? I've got my father's jeans.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 19
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/cumdaddy01
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 28 2020
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Pay attention in class kids
πŸ‘οΈŽ 53
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/raghav50w
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 06 2020
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I got picked for this five-day-a-week, year-long sleep study. It pays $15,000 a month.

It’s my dream job.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 1k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 06 2020
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Got a pay rise of $1000 today, effective immediately.

What a grand start to the weekend.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 36
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 11 2020
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Compressed air at gas stations used to be FREE, but now you have to pay $2!

Inflation blows.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 82
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/professorf
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 15 2020
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A rich man who got sent to jail decided to pay to upgrade his prison cell.

He is now behind gold bars.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/tyckt206
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 01 2020
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What did the pirate pay for his earrings?

Bucc-an-eer!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TheIndrajitKar
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 19 2020
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What does a pirate pay for his corn?

A buccaneer.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 02 2020
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During Coronavirus, always pay businesses with cash where possible.

It will help them make a gross profit.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/joshzyx612
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 12 2020
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A friend of mine didn't pay for his daughter's exorcism

So she was repossessed

πŸ‘οΈŽ 19
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/joshually
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 30 2020
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My friend couldn't afford to pay his water bill

So I sent him a "get well soon" card

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RedCakesYT
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 07 2020
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My friend said that he couldn't afford to pay his huge water bill....

So, I sent him a 'Get Well Soon' card.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 1k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 11 2020
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How much does Santa pay to park his sleigh?

Nothing. It’s on the house!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 295
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/fatal_fame
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 10 2020
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How much does Santa pay to park his sleigh?

Nothing, it’s on the house

πŸ‘οΈŽ 63
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AlabamaMayan
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 24 2020
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How much does Santa pay to park his sleigh?

Nothing, it’s on the house.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 19
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/LordCinko
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 22 2020
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How much does Santa pay to park his sleigh?

Nothing. It’s on the house.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/spartansshadow
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 23 2020
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My friend couldn’t afford to pay his water bill.

I sent him a β€œget well soon” card.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 228
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 07 2020
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I have decided to buy a new Honda directly from Japan and pay all the tariffs.

It will be my Civic duty.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 25
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 09 2020
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My friend couldn’t afford to pay his water bill.

I sent him a β€œGet well soon” card

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Scottspears89
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 09 2020
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My friend couldn’t afford to pay his water bill.

I sent him a β€œGet well soon” card

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Scottspears89
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 09 2020
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