Paternity Leave (film) Puns

Y’all a bunch of vapid assclowns.

My wife and I just had a baby a few days ago. Our program (large private academic program in California) does not offer any additional paternity leave days. They GRACIOUSLY allow you to apply 5 of your 10 allotted annual “sick days” towards paternity leave. If you don’t have any sick days remaining, you’re out of luck.

Just curious, what’s paternity leave like at your program? I would be especially curious to hear from the non-US residents.

I should preface this by saying I have absolutely no background in economics. I haven't arrived at the view I'm about to outline through research, but simply through thinking about it. The reason I'm making this post is to hopefully hear from people who have a better grasp on this stuff than me. I'm here for a productive and insightful discussion, not a debate.

So, my understanding of the gender pay gap is that there's a fairly significant ( ≈21% in the US) disparity in how much men and women are paid that can mostly be chalked up to differing career choices, levels of education and time taken off work for pregnancy and childcare. I think this is an objective fact pretty much everyone can get on board with. The divisive bit comes in once you account for the factors I mentioned above and are still left with a meaningful disparity (≈5% in the US). Feminists tend to say this remaining disparity is a result of pure misogyny.

I'm of the opinion that the entire pay gap is a problem, but especially the adjusted bit. That's because even though the majority of the disparity probably isn't the result of employers explicitly choosing to pay men more than women, it's still the result of patriarchal cultural factors, such as parents encouraging their sons to go to college but not their daughters. Also, I wonder how much of the "different career choices" can be attributed to women leaving competitive, high-earning fields of work due to harassment in the workplace.

Anyway, I have a feeling that an awful lot of those patriarchal cultural factors I alluded to stem from the fact that women generally need to take time off work as a result of childrearing and men don't. That's why I think the best thing we can do to meaningfully lower the gender pay gap is to promote paternity leave, both through cultural and legislative means. Ideally, I think every single person on earth should be entitled to at least 12 paid weeks off work upon childbirth or adoption. I realise many first world countries don't even guarantee paid maternity leave yet though, so I'm willing to set the net a little lower for a start. I'm not going to specify exactly what changes I want to be made because that would vary wildly from country to country, so I'll let you just go after my logic here.

I think this would greatly improve the pay gap situation (both the unadjusted and adjusted portions) as well as lead to societal improvements in other areas. For instance, I think it could lead to a decrease in

I’m not from America so maybe this is (absurdly normal) but Im from Canada and have lived in Australia and the UK, and in these countries it would be normal to take at a minimum 3-5 weeks paid leave as a dad and and up to way longer if you were willing to take partially paid leave. Evan might not even take one week? Is this normal in the US. Seems completely effed up to me

My firm has no policy for paternity leave. There isn’t even a written policy for maternity leave.

My wife and I are expecting this summer. I have spoken to a partner briefly about this who said to take time off and spend a few weeks working from home. I’ll be having more conversations and getting details as the due date approaches.

I was wondering if any dads (moms too) on this sub have taken an extended leave due to the birth of a child, how long you stayed out of the office, if you worked from home, and generally what the whole experience of managing billable hours during that time is like.

I’m in litigation and have to bill 1900 hours. Attorneys get “unlimited PTO.”

I am high risk with epilepsy. I will have to have a c-section so the recovery will be rough especially because there are certain meds I can’t take.

He has to take many days of his 3 weeks of vacation to take me to the doctor. So by my due date in July, he won’t have many left. I am very lucky my mother will be able to move in for a month after the birth but if I wasn’t so lucky I would be screwed. I also know this is stressing my husband because he is absolutely wonderful and is so honoring of the in sickness and in health part. I hate that he is so overwhelmed by this.

He has an excellent job but HR has been less than helpful and we can’t risk him losing his job to go against them because the insurance is so good. He may be able to work from home but he is almost always on a call so could only help during his lunch break which is usually his distress and alone time. We live in Texas so that’s pretty much the main issue.

Is there anything we can do legally because of my disability and being high risk? My worry is that it could risk his job anyway and we can’t get caught in some kind of legal battle to fight it if they choose to somehow let him go over it.

Well the title says it all but gather round for a tale that unfortunately just seems to go with the flow of today's work life.

So I had my first child (yay) 2.5 months ago. My job involves oxygen therapy (respiratory therapist). Took some time off and really didn't have any problems with my work place before then. That's not entirely true, as I've been up for a promotion since the summer before ye old covid hit, but they've used excuse after excuse. Honestly could/should have quit then and there but I was a just a year into that job and before that I was unemployed for 1.5yrs.

At work we have a company car /truck that we use to transport O2 tanks and other equipment. On my last day before I leave I decide I'm going to clean the truck out so it's nice and clean in the event anyone else needs to use it.

Here's where the trouble began. I come back to work yesterday and I'm told my truck failed its safety audit. Why? Lack of cleanliness and other safety hazards. So get this, during my time off 5 other people used my truck from various branches. They quite literally trashed this thing. My boss showed me pics of my supposed unclean vehicle. 25 coffee cups from a chain my ass never stepped foot into littered the front cab, as well as multiple fast food take out bags. In the back cardboard boxes that were used as a garbage (this is an extreme safety issue when having O2 on board, fire hazard).

So I explained and luckily I had pics of my clean vehicle before this crap happened. I was told that's great but the truck is under my name and the cleanliness and safety is my responsibility. I asked how I was to maintain its cleanliness while being off work. Boss said it should have been cleaned before I left. You guys see where this is going right? Showed him the pics again and said dude look at this. Told the same crap again, replied with okay next time I'll come in on my time off and clean the vehicle. Which I got the response of "while you're off the vehicle is not yours and that would be trespassing"

I'm honestly dumbfounded by this. If I just didn't have a kid I would leave. The fact that I see a limited number of covid patients is the only other reason why I'm still here.

But hey I got 5 extra days to help the wife out with my kid so in a twisted short of way this is kind of a win?

***update head office didn't know about my suspension. I have the written letter by my boss as evidence. He told head office that I came into work complaining about being back. Ap

Sigh

I work in a male dominated utility and recently due to covid, I think, a significant amount of men have been asking for paternity leave to help their partners with their children. Buuuutttt we don't even offer maternity leave and we get away with it because our benefits are " competitive against other utility companies" which also dont offer maternity leave as they are typically male dominated as well. Women can save up sick and vacation days and apply for FMLA leave in the US which is 12 weeks unpaid leave where they have to keep your position open for you. Just another thing women need to research in a job without disclosing you want kids because then they might not hire you. Its shit

TLDR men at my company want paternity leave and we don't even have maternity leave

Edit* this is more of a complaint against my company. They are justifying not offering paternity leave because they don't offer maternity leave which is inline with other companies in the industry.

2nd edit** Completely agree with all the comments that we need both paternity and maternity leave. In my experience, in the US, since nothing is mandatory paid maternity leave is rare for a company to have and paid paternity leave is much rarer if anyone has statistics on the breakdown between number of companies that offer one or both I'm interested in the numbers.

It just feels incredibly invasive. He is putting in for primary caregiver (42 days instead of 21) because he will be our baby's primary caregiver. His supervisor thinks this is ridiculous because "back when he had his kids he only needed 10 days". They don't have any issues covering his shifts. In fact, a good portion of his coworkers "telework" for half the month. That means they sit at home and do nothing but it's counting as a duty day.

What do they want? A letter from my OB about the upcoming C-section? Do they want to call my supervisors? My pet peeves as a military spouse is being treated like I'm somehow obligated to do anything for the military. Unless I enlist I'm a civilian. But apparently they're now entitled to do a deep dive on why I won't be primary parent because they want to pick a petty fight about paternity leave.

Now at any sort of social event everyone in his flight is going to know I'm the working mom who got a C-section, formula fed, and went back to work asap. Most the moms are crunchy granola types who will think this is pretty close to child abuse. It just feels invasive and ridiculous.

Sorry, small vent. I know he's getting an insane amount of paternity leave compared to most dad's and I'm super grateful.

I'm on week 3 of unpaid paternity leave and I'm at my wits end with my kids. My wife bravely chose to step into the SAHM role early in our parenthood journey and I've always appreciated her willingness to take on that challenge. But with a third we thought it would be good for me to be able to help my wife with our 2 and 4 year old while we integrate our newborn.

I have always known full time parenting was the harder job, but I thought I could manage it with more grace than this for a short stint. But I am beginning to resent them so much. Don't get me wrong I love them and am proud of them and they are not bad kids, I just don't want to see them again for about a week or so at this point. Obviously any SAHP understand that there are no actual difficult tasks in parenting, but never getting to finish one without another crisis arising is infuriating. I despise constantly having my thoughts violated by the presence of two small, incredibly loud people who are constantly needing something.

Can I probably stick it out grudgingly without exploding? Maybe. But do I need to consider at this point that doing so may be causing more damage than begging to go back to work early and using the income to fund some temporary childcare assistance for my wife? What do?

Edit: Thanks to everyone for the advice and encouragement! I ironically cannot respond in a timely way to all of you and remain a successfully focused parents. Clearly this topic brings a lot of thought and emotion to mind for many. I continue to be so impressed and grateful for SAHPs, you really have the hardest and most important job.

Looking for the perspective of expectant dads here. I'm trying not to freak out, but my husband just informed me that he only intends on taking two weeks off when our second child arrives this summer.

His reasoning is understandable to a certain extent - he has responsibilities at work, and doesn't want to be gone for too long. However, he is NOT the only person in his position. He has been on a rather rapid promotion track, and wants to keep the momentum.

When our first child was born five years ago, he had just started this job, and only had FOUR days off, and 3 of them were spent in the hospital in prolonged labor before I had a c-section. Family visited during the day, but I spent 3 nights in the hospital alone.

It is likely that I will have another c-section, and I want to have actual support this time around. I know that his career is important, but his job specifically offers extended parental leave, with pay. I feel like we should be able to take advantage of this benefit. I'm not asking for him to take several months, but two weeks is not nearly enough, especially when I'll have another kid to care for.

I let the subject drop at first, because I didn't want to have a big fight about it, but the truth is that this is really bothering me. We're finally in a position to be able to devote time to our family, and he seems to be prioritizing his job. How should I approach this?

Hello folks. My husband (a fourth-year resident) and I are expecting our first baby this June (June 23 due date).

His residency (right now in California) ends at the end of June, and he is set to begin a fellowship in Florida in July.

What would be the steps he needs to take to find out what paternity leave looks like for his residency? For those familiar with paternity leave for residents in California, let me know if you have any helpful info or advice as well.

Our concern is that the baby is due at the end of his residency, and he'll likely need to move to his new residency in July (unless that new one gives him a bit of a delay due to the situation). I'm slightly familiar with CA leave and if this were any other regular FT job, I'd assume he'd be able to get a few weeks to even a month or so off - no clue if a residency would allow that.

One other thought to add here is if you all think there's an option for him to ask about telehealth work during the last few months, so he is working but remotely so he's able to help prepare things with me (ex. packing up the current apartment).

If you all have any questions, can answer or update this post. Thanks for any help and hope you all are doing okay in your current residencies. As someone on the outside, I can only imagine how hard things have been during this pandemic and all of you working in healthcare are truly amazing people.

My twins were born on Sunday at 30w6d, and are doing great so far!

First question: how much time per day did you spend visiting? I have been here all day every day minus the time sleeping at home. I hear from one nurse that I should touch them as little as possible right now because they need to sleep to grow and such, then other nurses/NPs and physical therapists tell me the exact opposite. I want to make sure I do what’s best but I can’t get a great consistent answer.

Second question: I get about 6 weeks paternity leave, and that won’t be enough to even cover the NICU stay. I am able to work remotely, so I think I may want to work from the hospital for a few weeks and postpone the remaining time until they come home. Is that a good or bad strategy?

Hi everyone. I was just wanting to see what everyone thought about paternity leave, or just parental leave in general. I know its divided issue in some aspects especially along political party lines in some ways. I’m personally for parental leave. My wife and I recently had our son and I was lucky enough to get two weeks, and I couldn’t imagine just leaving my wife to “fend” for herself with a newborn. Just wanted to get y’all’s thoughts since I feel like this is a topic that FnF hasn’t touched on.

My husband is in the military and was given 2 weeks parental leave, and then he was going to take an extra two weeks of his accrued leave to have the entire month of January home with us.

It was really great because we’re in the process of selling our house so we’re doing a LOT of housework on top of caring for a newborn. However, it just came to light that all of his coworkers were exposed to COVID so his leave is being revoked and he’s going back to work, including overnight/24 hour shifts.

I am so underprepared. He’s going to be exhausted enough as it is from work and probably won’t be able to help as much with the baby. I have no idea how I’m going to keep the house in good shape for potential buyers while caring for the baby and our pets.

Not only that, but now he’s going to be exposed to COVID at work and I’m so scared of any of us getting sick. I’m trying so hard not to panic but all of our plan just fell apart and I’m way too hormonal for this.

Hi everyone. I'm trying to recruit participants for my research project "Manhood, masculinity and paternity leave in heterosexual fathers in England and Norway", and I would be very grateful if some fathers who live in England would take the time to fill out a short (10 to 15 minutes) survey to help me reach an adequate sample size. Information about the project and who is eligble to take part can be found below.

Paternity leave in this context refers to all leave taken by the father, including shared parental leave. This is so the survey can also be run in Norway who has got different policies.

Please notice I will not be responding to comments about the project here, as all communication should be via the provided email address (University rules).

Thank you in advance :)

‐-----------------------------------------------

My name is Anita, and I am running a research project as part of my final year of a BSc degree in Psychology.

My research examines ideas about heterosexual masculinity and manhood and how these relate to uptake of paternity leave and how the time on leave is spent by heterosexual fathers in England and Norway. For this reason, the study is only open to heterosexual males who are fathers of children aged 5 years or younger.

During the survey, you will be first asked to provide some demographic information and information about your own experience (if any) of being on paternity leave. Then you will be asked to respond to a questionnaire about different aspects of manhood, masculinity and your attitudes to and experiences of paternity leave in general.

The study should take no more than 15 minutes to complete.

Participation is anonymous and completely voluntary. You can leave at any time during the study without giving a reason or skip any questions you do not wish to answer.

If you are interested to take part, please follow the link. If you have any questions before taking part in the study, please contact me at as8270n@gre.ac.uk

Survey link

My baby was due yesterday, January 14 (and born yesterday at 5:46pm) and I discussed taking 2 additional weeks along with the provided 2 weeks paternity leave months ago. She said it wasn't an issue; but come December, I was terminated effective immediately without any reason.

I had been there for 15 months and there were times I had to work nights and weekends to meet deadlines as well as working on holidays and during ultrasounds for my wife. When I was fired, they said they would offer 2 weeks severance saying that is more than fair.

The problem is that no employer will hire me until mid February unless I want to forgo time with my son and helping my wife which leaves me without a paycheck for over 10 weeks. I have some savings but I've already spent most of it paying bills.

I haven't signed the separation agreement yet as there is a non disparage clause that says I can't say anything negative about the company ever. The two weeks extra pay would help a little, but the company has new ownership and has terminated other employees as well. They have no reviews on Glassdoor since they changed their name and I want to post a review to warn other potential new hires to watch out for them. Obviously this would break the contract so I'm very torn on taking the money or leaving the review. I tried contacting attorneys about my situation but they either won't get back to me or take my case. I tried negotiating a higher severance as well but they won't go higher than 2 weeks.

Tl;Dr: I was terminated before parental leave without any reason. Tried negotiating a better severance but they will only do 2 weeks. I'm tempted to forgo the severance so I can post a review on Glassdoor but I don't want to hurt my family even more financially.

Edit: I'm in Colorado which is an employment-at-will state and I had no contract. Legally I feel like they would win in court so I'm scared to try and sue and lose and owe their legal fees as well.

I'd like to better understand ways/ideas y'all have on what would be the best method, or way to implement this. I'm not interested in discussing whether or not it should or shouldn't be done, or for how long, but just the pure methodology.

Should it be funded through taxes, and then when the time comes, you cash in on what's yours? If that's the case, should the taxes be based on state rather than federal, in order to maybe better account for the cost of living?

Or should it come from the employer? This one, in particular, confuses me because if I were a small business owner, and I was required to pay for an employee's maternity leave, I'm not sure what would be necessary to do in order to still pay my employee, even though I wouldn't be able to capitalize on their work, and likely would even need to spend more in their absence to make sure the business is running as well now as it was when they were present.

Just some thoughts I've had on how it could be implemented, but please, what do you think may be the best way to implement it?

How do people survive if you have to wait so long for your maternity or paternity pay from social security? I feel like only taking 6 months unless I know in advance someone won’t fuck it up in the government.

Also, what happens if my company dissolves during the suspension?

My firm has no policy for paternity leave. There isn’t even a written policy for maternity leave.

My wife and I are expecting this summer. I have spoken to a partner briefly about this who said to take time off and spend a few weeks working from home. I’ll be having more conversations and getting details as the due date approaches.

I was wondering if any dads (moms too) on this sub have taken an extended leave due to the birth of a child, how long you stayed out of the office, if you worked from home, and generally what the whole experience of managing billable hours during that time is like.

I’m in litigation and have to bill 1900 hours. Attorneys get “unlimited PTO.”