A man turns up to a fancy dress party with no costume apart from a naked woman on his back.
He tells the host he has come dressed as a snail.
"But who's the woman?" The host asks, confused.
"Oh, This is Michelle"
This was my 6 year old cousins favourite joke for a while and it still cracks me up especially given the concerned looks the adults share when the joke starts
What was the cannibal given after he showed up late to the dinner party?
I turned up at the fancy dress party dressed as a football.
I was immediately kicked out.
My wife told me to pick up cheese dip for the New Years Eve party.
I once knew a guy who went to a party in Florida and got so drunk that he woke up in Alabama.
As you can imagine, he wasn't in a very good state.
My 6 year old daughter set up a party and led me to the registration sheet. It said "Sine here". Now I am wondering if there is another sheet that says "Cosine there".
Sorry for going on a tangent
It’s my birthday today and no party is planned due to pandemic. And my daughter said this to cheer me up.
“You will have your cake and eat it too.”
PS: this is the best gift I can get today.
Last night, there was such an amazing stand-up comedian at the party that we decided to raise our glasses filled with alcohol to praise him.
Why Is Everyone Happy When The Mushroom Shows Up At The Party?
Because He's A Real Fungi.
At Bob's retirement party the Director stands up and says "I'd just like to say a word about Bob", clears his throat and then says, "plethora",
Bob turns to him and says, "thank you, that means a lot".
At my coworker's retirement party, I got up and said, "micro".
It meant very little to my retiring coworker.
I went to a dinner party yesterday. The hosts are chefs and made all kinds of food, buffet style. I arrived early had some hors d'oeuvres. Then I realized I was thirsty, and I wanted to try the mixed juice drink. At this point everyone else was getting food, so I walked right up and got a cup...
My Friend is going to a fancy dress party and said he's going to dress up as a small island off the coast of italy...
My aunt showed up to our Halloween party wearing ranch bottle costume. She was an hour late.
Her response: Sorry, I was getting dressed.
Found a costume for the next dress-up party, I think it will be a great converseATION starter.
So numbers 1 to 9 had a party but 2, 4, 6 & 8 did not turn up
How do you set up a space party?
When I was 10 my Mom told me to take my brother to a movie so she could set up for his surprise birthday party.
That was when I realized he was her
favorite twin, not me.
I threw a party tor all the workers who helped build my house. The door guy showed up late...
...but he really knew how to make an
entrance.
After playing our set at the local block party, a group of kids walked up to the stage and the leader laughed, "You rock pretty good for a buncha ole geezers, but why the heck did you name your band, 'Bald Patch'!?" I shrugged and said...
"To be honest, it was off the top of my head."
Lost my watch at a party once. Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the nose. No one does that to a girl, not on my watch.
Did you hear about the guy who dressed up as a fish for the party?
I heard he had a whale of a time
I invited a bunch of rappers to my party. Most of them showed up, but Notorious B.I.G. couldn't make it.
About the time I dressed up as a harp to go to a costume party
Another party attendee challenged me, saying "no way is your costume a harp".
I replied, ">!So, are you calling me a lyre?!<"
There was a man that wanted to quit his job as a kids party entertainer but kept on procrastinating. Then one day he woke up and said to himself...
The was a huge dress-up party on the beach
On my way down I saw a naked man with a naked woman on his back. I asked him “What are you dressing up as” He said “ I’m going as a turtle”
I asked “so then who’s hat on your back” he replied “ Michelle”.
Someone threw up on me at a party
I saw my ex in a party so I walked up to her to greet her. She saw me before I could say anything, saying: “I’m taken.” If she thought I was going to hit on her, then...
She’s definitely miss Taken.
I dressed up as a Soviet penis at a party last Halloween, but no one found it funny...
I was hoping the costume would have a more Commie-dick effect.
Why was the ghost throwing up at the party
I was with my parents at a family party when they served up some ice cream cake. I got a slice and walked up to my parents...
Me: Is this ice cream cake?
Dad: yeah..?
Me: Then why aren't I screaming?
I've never seen my parents roll their eyes so hard.
A snail turned up at my birthday party
He started to become a nuisance and was aggravating my other guests so I decided to pick him up and throw him out.
He then showed up at my next birthday party and said "what did you do that for?!".
[REQUEST] I need help with a project for school, we are making a party typed game show and need to come up with a name for it.
We want his name to be a part of it, his name is baumwirst. We came up with the baumwirst bash but we think there's something better. Any help?
The number 8 was incredibly hostile at the Numbers Dress Up party
He didn’t want to benign.
My mother asked me to pick up chocolate coins for the kids on the way to her Hanukkah party. When the store on my route didn't have any and I showed up with regular chocolate, she started crying and begged me to go back out to a different store.
I yelled, "No mom! I'm so sick of your gelt trips!"
My son and I were stocking up for the Christmas party at our new rural home...
And on the way back, my son and I tortillaed through three bags of family size Doritos.
We would have pointed fingers at one another, but they were already in our mouths. Sucky situation, I know.
I turned the car around and said, "Son, now our mission is snackfued."
Salty from our spell of bad luck, we licked our lips and hightailed it back to Walgreens. I sent a MSG to my wife to tell her about the crunch we were in.
Many of our guests had already arrived when we finally returned, holding up our carb-earned trophies.
It was then that my son's friend complimented our modest country estate: "Cool Ranch!"
One mother showed up to my bachelor party and that was enough
I showed up over dressed to a family member's party and my aunt spilled sweet tea all over my dress shirt. She solved my clothing problem
Aunt Jay: I'm so sorry I ruined your nice shirt!
Me: You didn't ruin it, you turned it into a tea-shirt for me!
What do Mexicans call it when cops show up at their Christmas party?
My dad was at a halloween party last night with a guy dressed up as Waldo.
Every single time he saw him he yelled out "FOUND HIM!"
What did the cannibal get when he showed up to the party late?
What did the cannibal get when he showed up to the party late?
A cold shoulder
Credit to u/Phoenix_Slayer3000
What do you give a cannibal that shows up late to a dinner party?
What happened when the cannibal showed up late to the cannibal dinner party?
They gave him the cold shoulder.
What do you give a cannibal that shows up late to a dinner party?
I Lost my watch at a party once. Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the nose. No one does that to a girl....
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