Your fingers. You can always count on them.
The fros-STING!
So proud.
The pavement.
But he never made it as a wise man
He didnt realise it was a "crypto night".
At least my heart was in the right place.
It keeps telling me my door is a jar.
When he was put to death, his captors ground him up and baked him in the oven covered in gravy and mashed potatoes.
When questioned as to why such a cruel and unusual punishment was administered, they stated that this was the only way to correctly execute a shepherd spy.
His father was really proud of him. So his father asks what part did you get?
He replies I got the part of a man who has been married for 25 years.
His father congratulated him. And then he said “That’s good son, maybe next time you’ll get a talking role!”
Sometimes I feel like it's holding me back.
The pupils. They dilate
She said, "what the heel!"
It's my last resort!
Edit: changed "it was" to "it's"
I can and I will.
Me: No, but he ended up with a semi colon.
It's all buildup with no punchline.
Please raise your arm.
So today as I was making my morning coffee, I fill up my little K cup thing with my coffee and walk over to the coffee maker to put it in and I spill it all over the floor. I start cleaning it up when my dad walks in and chuckles. I say "What?" And he replies "Hehe, coffee GROUNDS". We had a good laugh.
Part A) ILean. Part B) I Hop
One of our twins was up all night, going from 0 to full on screaming. However, after about the 5th time, something popped in my head, and just wouldn't leave. So, this morning, after breakfast, I land this one on her.
>Me: So, I think Twin1 should hang with Bob Marley some time.
>Her: Oh?
>Me: Yeah, he was a wailer all night.
>Her: Exhausted silence.
http://youtu.be/Wxex_cH0ypQ?list=PLRRoWYJRNdJN7wqiS0-mcuvszWRiBaIi1
Sometimes I feel like it's holding me back
