CW: brief mention of suicide.
Hello! I am currently being screened for Dissociative Disorders (non DID) and I am wondering if anyone here has had similar experiences or non DSM resources.
This is a super long post so TL;DR: I have varying levels of symptoms of a DD that don't completely align with a DD diagnosis - namely a separate entity/personality who does not clearly switch into control or present himself outwardly.
Disclaimer: I have Bipolar I with psychotic features and Anxiety/Social Anxiety which confuse the process. While I have consulted personal screenings and communities like this one, I am not trying to self-diagnose, I'm just looking for examples and expiriences from others that aren't the general milk examples in the DSM.
The reasons I am being screened for a DD are as follows:
I have recurring derealization and depersonalization to varying levels. Aka, feel outside of my body, see things contort in shape and suddenly become extremely unreal feeling or they flatten. To a more extreme extent, I sometimes do not recognize myself or recognize myself as human in the mirror (all my mirrors are now covered by curtains).
I also have what my therapist has now recognized as a separate entity who lives with me. He has a name, shape, voice, fully separated personality/likes. He came into my life when I was young and going through a very hard time. His main goal seems to be supporting me and keeping me safe. He helps me calm down when Im in a bad spot and he has kept me from committing suicide or doing other dangerous things on a couple of occasions. I speak with him outloud or in my head throughout the day and we sometimes "check out" of real life and lose track of things going on around us and track of time.
I do not have DID and never lose time or lose control over my body/person in the way that someone with DID does. There is no real personality switching, it's just me and him in my head.
While psychosis and delusions from my anxiety and bipolar can explain pieces of this, it is pretty uncommon for someone with my diagnoses to experience these things all the time or since such a young age. I also do not have Schizoaffective disorder or Schizophrenia which would have ongoing and non-mood related psychosis.
In screening, I have consistently hit between 35 and 37 on the DES-II test but because it's self-reported and not always accurate, I'd rather hear from y'all and see if there are similar experiences in this community.
...how do you explain it to family members who just aren't getting it. They want to help and be there for me, but they're not educating themselves. This leads me to explain why I did what I did, causing them to ask even more questions. This in turn gives me anxiety, and I have a part with anger issues. Basically, I end up lashing out at the person trying to help.
I feel like I've cracked open something huge...
Is anyone else unable to predict/control how they behave it public, or have to put in extreme amounts of effort to monitor everything so they don't fuck up? Like to avoid getting triggered into a child state and then do something stupid and then drown in toxic shame? Do you not trust your own perception of reality so just shut down and not say anything in case it might be really stupid but your reality is too unreliable to know? Leading you to constantly sabotage yourself socially? Do you have to constantly calculate everything you're going to say? Does all of this leave you socially paralysed?
Is anyone else constantly trying to choose one personality that can encompass all the parts of them but keep switching into different personalities and can't decide which one to "officially" be? Do you feel that your personality itself is entirely inconsistent? Even your thought processes moment to moment are totally inconsistent and crazy-making?
Is anyone else here unable to predict "who they'll be" at any given moment and therefore just given up all goals or even having a routine because constantly feeling like a failure at the simplest things is exhausting? Is who you are gonna be just unpredictable and do you cycle through selves? Leading you of course to constantly sabotage any plans or goals you have? Does it leave you paralysed and completely exhausted?
I went down the youtube rabbit hole of DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) but then came across OSDD which doesn't include amnesia... and I don't condone self-diagnosis but it might explain why I have to do all the above things and I think it's worth exploring. The way DID is created is of course through early and repeated childhood trauma. OSDD presents a bit different since there's no amnesia, your "alters" are able to interrupt each other which I think is the reason for paralysis, especially if you're super anal about coming across in a "consistent" way?
This is all still very fresh for me so sorry about the unorthodox expression this post has taken on. I know I know. Just please tell me if you relate or tell me your thoughts and tell me all you know.
Edit: more info here https://did-research.org/
Recently, the topic of DID and how it relates to tulpamancy and healthy multiplicity has popped up several times on the subreddit, so I thought I should make an infothread on it. Schizophrenia is a whole other can of worms that I'm not wholly willing to tackle right now, but you can refer to this post and this post if you want an outline of it.
That being said. To discuss DID without discussing the healthy multiplicity/wider plurality community would give an incomplete picture. So I'll quote myself again (just as a note: "plural" refers to having multiple consciousnesses in one brain, "system" refers to the collection of consciousnesses within a brain, and "multiple" in this context refers to systems where no one was created/intentionally created):
>Basically, long before tulpamancy existed in its modern form, there was the multiplicity community, composed of people who were plural but who did not choose to be plural. They were plural from splitting due to trauma, having members show up (usually happens in systems that are already plural in some other way), or simply because they were always that way. Some of these multiples were disordered, some were not, but they all were seen regardless as "broken" and needing to integrate. Many multiples resented this and formed their own culture in opposition to this idea, advocating for healthy systems to be left alone and for disordered systems to be given treatment options that do not mandate integration, and for plurality overall to be viewed as a variation in neurology and not a pathology. This is basically how the multiplicity community started, and it goes back to mailing lists all the way into the 1980s.
>(Also, like with all things from feminism to cultural matters, an unfortunate segment of tumblr's made a farce out of multiplicity, but to dismiss multiplicity and multiples just because of tumblr is just as illogical as dismissing tulpamancy just because of Koomer/Oguigi.)
Now, onto the meat of this.
These are the diagnostic criteria for DID, as taken directly from the DSM-V.
>A. Disruption of identity characterized by two or more distinct personality states, which may be described in some cultures as an experience of possession. The disruption in identity involves marked discontinuity in sense of self a
... keep reading on reddit ➡I made this new account because I very much want to do this, but I would rather not have it directly attached to a well-used account of mine for privacy's sake. If you'd like proof, I'd be happy to talk to whomever decides what constitutes "proof" and get whatever I can for you.
Dissociative identity disorder is the newer, more appropriate name for Multiple Personalities Disorder.
I have to work my ass off to remain in the "present" instead of existing in a half-awake trance state. [Read the wikipedia article on Dissociation.] Also, as far as I can tell, I have seven alters or so. And no, living with this piece of crap idiocy is not ANYTHING like they portray it in most of the media depictions.
For those few I have told, people tend to either pull away/distance themselves from me, are curious, or will disbelieve it altogether. Most of this, I believe, is because it is usually depicted as such a fantastic out-there sort of experience/condition/existence. Most of those responses are due to ignorance and/or misinformation, so, I would like to help people understand it a little more if possible.
So ask away. I like questions, actually. Sometimes they prompt me/us to find out things about ourselves that we wouldn't think of on our/my own. However, I reserve the right to say "I don't know", "I'm not sure", or "I don't feel comfortable answering that." So ask away.
Any opinions are appreciated. I'm trying to do research right now on systems. Not sure how to start this post, but here are the things I experience that make me think I have some sort of DID:
- I can hear voices in my head that I know are definitely not my own. They're separate from my own thoughts and have distinct voices. I can't control what they say. I can only hear them if I focus and if its quiet in my brain. Sometimes it just sounds like gibberish, sometimes I am able to have a conversation. One of the voices told me her name is Cherri.
-My parents have noticed that I have huge mood swings, but not only in mood, but with political views, opinions, the way that I act and speak. It often feels like I'm choosing the way I react to things, like I have multiple options to pick from rather than having a default instant reaction. My little kitten, after a week of being ill and me trying desperately to help him live, passed away at the vet. I was in such intense grief that I couldn't breathe, and then an hour later I was completely nonchalant about it.
-I have a lot of memory issues and have noticed, compared to other people, I remember far less. My parents/friends will often bring up events that I have no recollection of. Memories of highschool and elementary are a blur, and I have basically no consistant timeline for the memories I do have. I could not assign a date to them.
-I have had issues with disassociation since I was a child. Most of the time nothing really feels real.
-I sometimes will look in the mirror and just completely not recognize myself.
And here are the things that make me think I don't have it:
-Despite having issues with memory, I usually have a consistant short term memory. I'll sometimes mix up whether I did an event a few hours ago or yesterday, but no serious blackouts, or suddenly arriving in a place with absolutely no recollection of how I got there, except when my brain goes on autopilot, I guess.
-The voices in my head, while sometimes having distinct personalities that I can gather from their vibe and how they talk, don't front from what I can gather. Or, if they do, I still feel like me. Just different. Or I'm just not realizing someone else is fronting. I dunno. My memory is horrible.
If you read all this all thank u lol
Hey all, I’m just wondering if anyone would care to share their experience with DID or other dissociative disorders as a comorbid to CPTSD.
I’m hitting that wonderful time in life when my brain has finally decided I’m safe enough to gain consciousness, apparently, according to my therapist at least. I definitely have some fragmented consciousness going on, but it’s something I’m only just now becoming aware of and we’re not sure to what extent it is yet. All I do know is that it’s horrifying and probably the most frightening mental issue I’ve had to deal with this far.
I’d just like to hear from people who have gone through similar things, and maybe came out the other side.
I was reading the Wikipedia article of the 2000 Fox film "Me, Myself, & Irene" and found out (unsurprisingly) that the movie created controversy among the mental health community.
X-Men: The Last Stand was another Fox film that perpetuates a myth about dissociative identity disorder. That of cause being it inherently makes you violent and dangerous. So I wonder if there was similar controversy.
"While being on this subreddit and listening to your personal stories, I realised that MD is comorbidity not only to depression, but also PTSD, ADHD, OCD, anything that has some form of dissociation as a symptom."
So long story short:
I've been struggling with MD since I was 11 years old (due to excessive loneliness and stress), got depression in middle school, started taking meds for big sad in freshman year of college and was amazed that Ssri not only treated the big sad™, but also the excessive daydreaming.
Not that I don't daydream anymore, from time to time I will put on my headphones and pace around for like an hour, but I don't feel the urge to daydream when I'm doing day to day tasks. I talked about the symptoms of MD with my psychologist and psychiatrist, and they said that it's dissociation. That made me think:
"If taking meds accidentally help to manage my MD, and the additional symptom of depression is some form of dissociation, then isn't MD a comorbidity to depression?"
That mechanism amazes me, since on worse days while I was daydreaming I would disconnect from this reality and found it very hard to move my body or do simple tasks, bc I was so immersed in my fantasy. Now when I have a diagnosis, those worse days and physical immobility could be caused by depression and my MD would be a defense mechanism.
While being on this subreddit and listening to your personal stories, I realised that MD is comorbidity not only to depression, but also PTSD, ADHD, OCD, anything that has some form of dissociation as a symptom. I have also found some papers (I will link them in a comment section) that connect MD to those disorders.
Maladaptive Daydreaming is unfortunately an under researched disorder, because some people see it as a weird quirk, while others even oppose trying to treat it or see it as a abundance of creativity that could be used in so many ways, while taking a sh*t would take me an hour bc I was so immersed in my daydreams. Classifying it as a dissociation and comorbidity to other disorders would help people affected by it to reach out for help.
Thank you for reading it? What's your opinion?
I (21 F) recently went in to get assessed for ADHD (it took months to get in; I started the process in January) and I just got my results back. Along with GAD with a strong social anxiety component, and BPD Symptomatology (the heck is that?), I’ve been diagnosed with Other Specified Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (again, what the heck). Does anyone else have this diagnosis too?
What does this even mean? From what I understand, it’s like a, “You have ADHD, but not enough to have real ADHD,” kind of diagnosis. I’m kind of upset by it because I have significant issues with it in day-to-day life, especially with school. It’s kind of like hearing, “Yeah, you’ve got problems, but they’re not as bad as other people’s problems.” Like, yeah? I get that other people have it worse, my negative thought spirals tell me that enough already. Am I interpreting all of this correctly? Is my diagnosis less valid that’s a “real” ADHD diagnosis?
I get the impression that the clinic where I was tested believed that most of my issues are from the anxiety. I mean, maybe? I’ve also got depression (I have it under control now without medication), and the mix of it all could be compounding my issues with ADHD. I’ve seen this especially with school, as I ended up failing out of college. That’s the main reason I went to get assessed in the first place.
I’m just kind of confused and looking for answers, mostly so I have a clear understanding of what I’m talking about when I tell my mom (my parents paid for my testing).
TL/DR: I just got diagnosed with OS ADHD. What does this mean? Is my diagnosis less valid than a regular ADHD diagnosis? Some clarity would be greatly appreciated.
I am perfectly willing to answer questions and give resources/citations where appropriate. Just don't expect quick responses in such cases.
As for my feelings and thoughts? I... mostly approve. I read books 1-3 back to back, and it was clear to me that >!Shallan!< was... dissociative identity disorder (DID) coded pretty quickly. I read up on Sanderson's opinions on the matter before RoW came out, and I can see how he could have taken the path of confirming OR denying the diagnosis. I have no real issue with it.
I really enjoyed her character and her growth through the first three books. I related greatly to her anxiety in book one. Book two and her struggles with truth, memory, and the past hit close to home. Book 3 shook me up in good ways. DID characters are few and far between. Much less ones that aren't evil or have an evil alter. But a main character? Almost unheard of. So I was ecstatic going into book 4.
I have mixed feelings. I enjoyed the internal interactions and bickering. The trust issues, paranoia, and desire to KNOW are all topics I struggle with too. Sanderson's presentations of alter roles and fluctuating identity felt accurate. A bit too accurate at times, as one of the reasons it took me so long to finish the book was because how much the familiarity shook me.
I only have three real criticisms. 1. The situation with >!Void and Ialai!< feels so stereotypical of DID plot cliches that I groaned. I appreciate it wasnt an evil alter situation though, saw the logic, and tentatively accepted it.
Problem 2 I have with it is how quickly she switched to a DID character. I feel like there is a great deal of character growth skipped between books 3 and 4. Discovering your alters, establishing communication, and finding ways to compromise and work together is a process that takes YEARS. Book 3 ended with the hammering home that, no really, this is her issue. And book 4 starts with, surprise! Fully developed DID character. I was really looking forward to walking through her journey of self discovery with her. Instead, I feel we skipped a great deal of it. I'm not angry about it, just disappointed.
Problem 3 might be covered more in the future? It's not the case for everyone diagnosed with DID, but the majority struggle with identity blurring. Most of RoW, she clearly knows which alter is which. Not all of the time, as we see toward the end, but most of the time. I dont always know when I switch alters. I dont always know which alter I
... keep reading on reddit ➡So first of all, DID is somewhat related to PTSD. Generally the alternate personalities (often collectively referred to as a system) develop in response to certain events or circumstances that the person couldn’t handle in the moment for whatever reason. This often starts in childhood because children can be put in circumstances that they can’t handle more easily than adults because they don’t have the experience.
Second, each case in incredibly unique, so the answers I provide may not give an accurate picture for what someone else’s experiences with DID might be.
Last, the various personalities in my case vary in everything from names, mannerisms, general world views, tastes in entertainment, gender, vocabulary, memories, responses to different situations, skills, and other things.
And with that, ask me anything!
Is this the same as DDNOS? What exactly does this diagnosis entail/imply?
cw//: mutilation
(I don't know if I'm doing this right but just to make sure, I'm putting it.)
Onto the movie. I've watched this movie when I was like 10 or 13 (???).
I think it was an Asian movie. The title was related to a Jigsaw or a puzzle piece (?). The main character was a male. The genre was horror as I remember the main character being hunted by a ghost and the gory parts.
I recall two moments in the film.
Firstly, I don't know much about the plot (a ghost movie?) but the main character had dissociative identity disorder since I remember this particular scene where the first personality (I think his real one and he's active when it's morning) was confused about why he had a wallet in his pocket and he had just finished watching from a theater. Then in the ending scene, we saw his other self (a younger self-personality and active at night), putting the wallet on his jacket and entering the theater.
For the second one, because it's a horror movie, I would remember the gory scene. Maybe it was the ending scene. The main character had an epiphany that they were the same person all the time. Then, a flashback where the main character (the real personality) was dismembering a woman related to him (wife or girlfriend???). A reason why I said the title was related to Jigsaw or puzzle pieces was that he dismembered the woman or something like that. He opened her stomach, intestines, and such, and to his surprise, he saw a small fetus. The last scene in my head was him crying while hugging the small fetus to his face. It was a sad ending, I guess?
Lastly, if I remember correctly, the poster or the cover of the DVD I think, had a woman in an open chest with the dismembered limbs in it, her one arm feels like crawling out or something like that.
That's all I remember from here. Everything's vague.
I really wanted to know what that movie is about because it's been bothering me like I'm itching to find out the ending or something.
Can someone help me find the title or at least the link for this movie? I appreciate the help.
Link to the previous OP:
https://www.reddit.com/r/tipofmytongue/comments/kgpr1g/tomt_movie_i_cant_remember_the_title_of_this/
I'm thinking like all of the what if stories subaru's are now different personalities inside the head of the original Subaru. And that he has to fight them in order to gain control of his body or something. I wonder how that would affect the people and his friends around him? Like he was just normal for a few seconds but then suddenly he switched into Greedbaru or Wrath Baru.
Hi everyone! I recently learned that I’ve been dissociating since early childhood and now I understand why I’ve been struggling with life so much. I’m beginning treatment for DPDR with my therapist.
The DPDR is comorbid with OCD, which has been properly diagnosed 3 years ago. So that means when I dissociate, I obsess about dissociating and then do compulsions and it just turns into a mental illness shit show. That’s why I wanted to learn about whether there were specific therapy methods like CBT used to manage the symptoms of dissociation. I’m speaking broadly in this case, but for the sake of knowledge (because learning is always so, so wonderful) I would actually love to also hear about the specific treatments used to help with DID, OSDD, DPDR, & dissociative amnesia.
In addition: Do you have tips on what help you stay grounded and present? Or at least not feel as frightened when it’s happening? How do you dissociate and not freak out when it’s happening?? If I dissociate, I want to at least be in a state of mind where it isn’t such a big deal.
Thanks, a very tiny sea cucumber 🥒
So just started therapy for the first time in years and off the bat was diagnosed with chronic depression & generalized anxiety (which was no surprise as I was diagnosed with those over 10 years ago) but there was a new one this time: other specified personality disorder.
What does this mean? I'm so confused and she moved right past it.
My (16F) friend (16F) got really into tiktok when the pandemic started and kind of fell down the rabbit hole of people who have (or are pretending to have) dissociative personality disorder. She made a tiktok where she pretended to have it and it got kind of popular in that community.
At first it was kind of a joke but then she started getting really into it. Now it's all she talks about. I stopped hanging out with her a couple months ago because I would ask that we talk about something else and she'd have someone else from her "system" come out and threaten me. She also started making tiktoks about how her best friend wasn't supporting her, which really pissed me off.
Yesterday her mom came to talk to me and ask what was going on since she's acting so weird and we weren't hanging out anymore. We've been friends since we were kids. So I told her that I didn't like hanging out with her anymore because of the fake DID and showed her the tiktok, including the videos where she was talking about me. Her mom thanked me and told me she'd talk to her.
A couple hours later she messaged me saying that I was an asshole and that her mom banned her from tiktok and I was ruining her life. I didn't respond but she sent a bunch of people to send me messages on tiktok and discord to say I was awful, too.
I feel bad that her mom banned her from tiktok but I don't feel like I owe her anything anymore, honestly.
