Metallica should open up a chain of mattress discount stores!
And call it "Nothing else Mattress"
A Harper Lee novel on trial refused to open up about their case case, but was still judged by it's cover.
Moral of the story... Don't kill animals.
Edit: remove one case
Open up your morning light...
There were two friends and one of them wanted to open up a gelato shop.
When the friend finally got the location to run the shop he tried to get some experienced and dedicated employees. However, he soon realized that all the good employees for a gelato shop were already working at some nearby locations. So he had to deal with some mediocre people who didn’t care that much about gelatos. Then a day before the opening of the shop the person who was supposed to provide the materials for the gelatos called in as sick. Finally there were also some teenagers who decided to steal some of the decorations.
When the friend told this story the other friend then said,
#“Man, you have gelat of problems.”
In a recent poll, 80% of people in America said they would not open their homes to a sentient water basin that walked up to their door and asked for shelter…
I was on a family vacation in Japan when I slept in one day. My dad flung open my door and told me to wake up. I said, “Dad, what do you think this is?...
...the Land of the Rising Son?”
Businesses are starting to open up. In fact, the LEGO store is open now, but I recommend staying away for a while.
People will be lined up for blocks.
I’ve decided to open up an ophthalmologist office for homosexuals
What do you need to open up a zoo?
The other day I walked into my son's room and found him with an open first aid kit, preparing to stitch up a cut on his forearm.
I told him to stop and that I would take him to the doctor for a more rofessional job. He told me he wanted to do it as he was working on his first aid merit badge for the boy scouts. So I said, "Suture self."
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
An oyster says to her boyfriend " I feel like I can really open up to you."
I tried to open up a Feng Shui store
but it ended up being in the wrong location.
I'm going to open up a store that only sells two bed covers and two snorkels.
Just four sheets and goggles.
EDIT: from https://jokeriot.com
Gucci should open up a children’s store
And call it “Gucci Gucci Goo”
“I love the feeling when I can make people open up to me.”
If you’re struggling to think of what to get someone for Christmas. Get them a fridge and watch their face light up when they open it.
I'm going to open up an exciting tea shop out West.
Call it "Tea-haw!"
Next to it will be a cheese shop, "Brie-haw!"
“Son, remember these two magic words. They will open up the doors in your life.”
One day I'll open up a store that only sells stoves.
I'll have a range of hot products.
Not knowing anything about wildlife really can open up a can of wasps.
A son says to his dad, "Hey I'm going to get a soda, you need anything?". The dad says, "Yeah, get me a beer. Actually, make it two cans.". The son goes into the kitchen and is gone for about an hour and a half. The door opens up and he asks his son, "What the hell took so long?".
The son says, "Well it wasn't easy. I had to go to like three different pet stores before I found one that sold toucans.".
I filled my stocking with pistachios so that I can open it up on Christmas morning and say "Aww, nuts!"
Why do melons end up having to plan and pay for a full wedding with a DJ and open bar?
I was going to open up a factory to make kitchen storage furniture
But on closer inspection, it seemed counter productive.
My dream is to open up Oregon Pizzas...
My tagline would be "OP delivers"
Want a successful business? Open up a record store.
No matter what, you'll have record sales every year.
My offspring runs up to me with arms open and held high...
Offspring: "Pick me up"
Dad: "You look beautiful"
I should open up a pool hall that serves Vietnamese soup...
Got my girlfriend with a couple while trying to open up an online bank account.
Her: We should get going.
Me: Hold on, I want to open this online bank account before they close.
Her: <sarcastic> Oh yeah, cause they close early on Saturday
Me: Yeah, they have to head out early to beat the internet traffic.
In a recent poll, 80% of people in America said they would not open their homes to a sentient water basin that walked up to their door and asked for shelter.
I want to open up an ophthalmologist office for homosexuals. I’ll call it, “The Gaze”
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