Every one reading this is on the same page.
Edit: Thanks guys. This is way too much love.
The election results have been un-presidented.
I (read) I
He was finally doing the reading for his history class. "Did you know that Bin Laden was planning to blow up monuments in other American cities?"
"I bet St. Louis was next on his list," I nodded.
"How'd you know that, Dad?" he asked in surprise.
"Well, he was our arch-enemy."
They will be ruthless.
It’s a dart board on the ceiling
I asked, 'Which is?'
'Exactly', he replied.
It’s laundry day.
"Which is?" he asked.
"Exactly."
It's sphere itself.
Your mileage may vary
Lunch is on me.
..But mean your Mother.
..then I probably wouldn't bother going.
... he picked it up carefully with his trunk and peered at the little window with a racing heart...
Positive! ... Brenda was pregnant!
OMG... fear, excitement, shock... and yet more worrying "why hasn't she told me?"
A hundred scenarios raced through his head, his ears trembling, his trunk twitching as each played out...
Finally he calmed... maybe she was waiting for the right moment to tell him the news?
He chose to be patient... he watched her carefully the whole day, carefully avoiding anything that might show that he knew... but Bethany gave no hints whatsoever.
Several days went by, and he grew more and more anxious.
Finally, he could take it no longer...
"Bethany..." he said
"It's time we discussed the elephant in the womb".
And it’s fu*king discussing
A good father figure😆
He replied, ‘Me car door. That way, if I get hot, I can just roll me window down.’
Isle weight.
...And It's Disguising.
Unfortunately it was from taco bell
It's going tits up.
FREEZER BUUUUURRRRRNNNN!!!
They are just big raisins.
When will I get adult super vision?
A royal flush is better than a full house
They all conta gious one thing...bad puns!
A dartboard on the ceiling.
She should stop objectifying people.
Aisle weight.
Remove the ring and my house is gone
Nephews
it's a dart board on a ceiling.
Which is
It’s laundry day.
I said a wheelchair
It’s laundry day.
Today is laundry day.
It’s a dart board on a ceiling.
(original: r/jokes)
...and mean your Mother.
He asked, "Which is?"
I replied, "Exactly!"
