Even Ferdinand Feghoot could be outpunned on occasion – but he always rose to the challenge.

There was, for instance, the time he conducted a crew of new S.A.R.H. (Society for the Aesthetic Rearrangement of History -BJ) recruits – all from late twentieth-century Terra – on a training study of Carter’s World, a newly established agricultural colony attempting to support itself by the export of edible nuts. Barely into their second generation, and having yet to show a profit, the colonists were technologically backward. Nevertheless, they showed a surprising ingenuity in the use of their few advantages. It was this resourcefulness that Feghoot was demonstrating to his rookies.

β€œLook at the perfection with which these streets are graded”, exclaimed one student. β€œEarth-moving machinery on this scale is strictly high technology stuff. How can they do it?”

β€œA new alleyway is being constructed, nearby”, said Feghoot. β€œLet us walk that way while I explain.” As they strolled, he told his students that countless centuries before, the Carter’s World system had been inhabited by a now-vanished race of giants. This very planet had served them for a nursery, and among the many artifacts they had left were thousands of childrens blocks, immense and precision-cut. You simply jack one up onto logs, bring it where you want it, put collapsible jacks underneath, snake out the logs, spread soil more or less evenly beneath, and collapse the jacks.

β€œI see”, said the student. β€œIt’s not graded road at all; its a simple hammered-earth base.”

β€œThat’s right,” Feghoot went on smoothly. β€œYou just hit the road jack and don’t come back no mo.”

His students registered dismay and anguish.

β€œIsn’t that right, old-timer?,” Feghoot demanded of an ancient Carterian standing by the mouth of the newly completed alley they had just reached.

β€œAhm afraid not, suh”, said the senior citizen, and the students giggled at Feghoots discomfiture. β€œOh, we used to do it that way, but it was far too much trouble. It’s the soil heah. You see, the very same soil which produced our famous cashews is so high in clay content that a child could roll out a road of it. Then, we simply use a system of lenses to bake it into hardness. Ahve just completed this alley mahself, and ahm just a retired professor of Sports History, much too old and feeble to handle hydraulic jacks.

β€œSo you see,” he finished, eyes twinkling, β€œMah hammered alley is really cashews clay.”

Howls of agony rose from the students, but Feghoot never hesitated. β€œAnd he”, he said, turning to his students, β€œis clearly the gradi

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nomnommish
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
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Why do they call it a grandfather clock?

Cause it's an old timer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theflyestgrayson
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
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My gramps left his brisket in the smoker too long

Old timer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PulkPush
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
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You know what they say about grandfather clocks

They're old timers

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PolesawPolska
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2017
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Senior sex

The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you." Yes, she says, "I remember it well."

OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"

"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!" A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,"Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dan_the_Man0904
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2017
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My mom was wondering aloud what to do for my dad's 60th birthday...

Her: Can you believe he's going to be 60? How did I marry such an old man?

Me: Well, I mean, aren't you gonna...

Her: What, are you going to say in 2 years I'll be 60 too?

Dad: Well no dear that's not right. In 2 years you'll be 60, in 4 years you'll be 62.

Everyone groans, I chuckle as I reach for my phone. So proud of the old-timer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/actorintheITworld
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2016
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Got Dad joked after paying my car tax

So I just paid my car tax online, and my dad asked if there was a timer saying "Processing" after I had entered my details. I said, "No, but I used a new beta service that's probably different to the old one." He said, "Oh, is that...beta than the old one?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IntegralExtra
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2014
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I went to an antique shop the other day...

I was just looking for an old timer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Godzilla_KOM
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2017
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A old fellow gets new glasses.

He tells his friend, I've gone sixty-seven years without glasses. Now they tell me I'll need them every day. His friend replies I've gone eighty-two years, and not needed glasses a day in my life. Oh yeah? Says the first old-timer. How's that? Because, says the second, I take my liqour from a bottle.

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotatoRacingTeam
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2014
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You know what they say about grandfather clocks…

They’re old timers.

πŸ‘︎ 149
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2017
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