I'm getting to be a typical old man. My kid brings her friends around and log on with their phones.
A friend of mine went bald years ago, but still carries around an old comb.
He just can't part with it.
An old friend once told me he hopes I fall into a deep hole filled with water. .
But I know he means well.
My friend's 4 year old said this one: Why did the dad cross the road?
I'm obsessed with collecting old Beatles records. My friends say I need help..
..but I've already got that one.
I work in a sauce factory and saw an old friend of mine
I walked over to him and said, " Hey! haven't seen you in a really long time! Let's Ketchup!"
When I was 8 years old my best friend died from a velcro accident.
Just talked to an old friend the other day
He was saying he was going to visit his parents. I asked why he needed to drive to Boston and Philly and he said “To see MA and PA.”
Hello dark nes my old friend
My friend created an artificial heart from stuff he got from a mine and an old pistol...
The heart is a vital ore-gun.
My friend traded an old jalopy for a citrus fruit...
My friend found an old box of Altoids in his attic, and he is selling it for $200.
It was worth more in mint condition.
An old man was telling his friend about his new hearing aid, "the greatest in the world!" "You can hear a pin drop."
Friend: Wow! What kind is it?
Old man: quarter past 2.
2 old puns are better than 1, drawings by friend at work
About a year ago, I had this friend named Uriah, who I called “U”. I gave my old motorcycle to him, because I had just bought a new one. Soon thereafter, he put it on a scale.
Last Christmas, I gave Yamaha. But the very next day,
U gave it a weigh.
My friend asked my daughter, "How old is your father?"
"As old as me." she replied.
He laughed and asked, "How can that be?!"
She said, "Well, he didn't become a father until I was born."
My favorite way to get together with old friends is over burgers
I like to meat and ketchup
My 10-year-old daughter gave me this one: My friend asked me to round up her 36 sheep.
Y'know, the day after Thanksgiving always brings back memories of an old friend of mine who was addicted to Thanksgiving leftovers
He's okay now though, he quit cold turkey
So it turns out that one of my old friends might be going blind.
He’s not looking so good.
My friend likes to refurbish old bicycles...
Then he peddles them around the neighborhood.
I asked my friend how old he was when he started playing golf.
One guy says to his friend "Look at that old Apache helicopter getting repaired"
His friend responds "If it's that patchy, why not get a new one?"
An old friend dad joked me at his restaurant
Me to friend: You work fourteen hour shifts, make everything from scratch, and tend your own vegetable and herb garden. Where do you find the time?
Friend: Right next to the rosemary.
By chance, I saw an old friend just recently while in a men's' restroom. I said to him...
I’m not sure why my friend quit his perfume making business and started hoarding old paintings.
He’s got more Monet than scents.
2 old friends move in together...
Friend 1 just moved out of his parents house and Friend 2 just came back from the military.
Friend 2: We need to clean up this dump!
Friend 1: This place was cleaned yesterday!
Friend 2: If you want things done right, you have to do it yourself; I'll do the cleaning on the odd numbered days, you do the cleaning on the even ones.
Friend 1: We're going to clean everyday!?
Friend 2: No, just the odd and even ones!
My old friend is doing bycicle tricks to cope with his depression...
I bumped into an old school friend today.
I bumped into an old friend who had just been duck hunting.
Hey, I didn't see you there.
My 68-year old friend wants to spend the last years of her life making rugs...
Her retirement is looming.
What did the cool octopus say when he met up with some old friends?
This guy called Ween meets up with an old German friend.
"Hallo, Ween!" said the German.
"Shut up, do I really look that bad?" Ween asked.
I Met An Old Friend
I said, “Hi Q, how are you?”
He said, “I am fine”.
My detective friend stores all his old work in pieces of luggage
He says it's on a case by case basis
My friend gave his kids old fashioned names. The little boy is called Hunter.
The little girl is Gatherer.
My friends 6 year old brother dad joked us today...
We were getting ready to leave for the gym when his little brother walks in wearing a Superman costume and yells, "I'M THE STRONGEST MAN ALIVE!!!!" My friend was annoyed with his brother and scoffed something about, "Luke you can't even bench the bar." Luke starts to giggle and said, "I bench you I can!"
My friend told me my dad jokes were getting old.
I told him, "That makes them grandpa jokes!"
Today my friend was hiding a tree. I told him he was too old to climb trees and that he should get a job.
He said, "I have a job! I'm a branch manager!"
Dad told me an old one he once said to a friend
The two were ice fishing, and the wind had blown away some patches that became really slippery, and the two of them weren't wearing any boot spikes. Dad slips and falls right on his chin, seeing stars and nearly passed out. tries to get up but can't, just lays face down on the ice for a bit to get his bearings.
Friend: Hey Bill you alright?
Dad: Yeah I'm fine, I got ice on it.
apparently the friend laughed so hard he slipped and fell on the ice as well
My 2-year-old was throwing a fit. Dadjoked a friend: "You know what they say about tantrums right? "
They're all the rage right now
Ran into an old friend
I ran into an old friend who was in a hurry.
He said, "Hey, let's meet up later and we can catch up."
I said, "Great! But I would prefer to mustard..."
Blank stare.
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
My friend asked my daughter, "How old is your father?" She replied, "As old as me!" He laughed and asked, "How can that be?!"
She reasoned, "Well, he didn't become a father until I was born."
My friend asked my daughter, "How old is your father?" "As old as me." she replied. He laughed and asked, "How can that be?!"
She said, "Well, he didn't become a father until I was born."
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
