Oh My Boss Puns

Ya. I'm thinking of taking the rest of the year off

My boss was complaining she really needed a nap. I told her she should just go take one.

Boss "Oh yeah cause taking a nap right now would be so easy."

Me "Its so easy you can do it with your eyes closed..."

Cue her rolling her eyes and shaking her head. My director peaked his head out and nodded approvingly though. Respect.

Me: What's that boss? My boss: holding up a couple of bags of bread that weren't cooked all the way through Oh this is bread that wasn't cooked all the way. It's still kind of uncooked in the middle. Me: Yikes. I guess that's a lot of dough lost for us huh? My boss: groans Yes OP.

I work at a hardware store and this guy comes in looking for bolts, so I take him over to where we have our bulk screws/bolts etc. I then ask the guy,

"What size bolt are you looking for?"

"1/4"

"And how long would you like it?"

"Oh well I'd like it forever if that's possible."

Cue laughter from the both of us and groans from my boss in the next aisle.

Edit: making things make more sense

At my 3 month review at work my bosses were mostly asking me how I liked the job, etc. Then I asked how they were finding me.
Boss 1: Oh you know, pretty easily.
Boss 2: Yeah, you're always at your desk.

We all had a good chuckle.

So I work retail and I was restocking shelves on a hardware isle with tools, doohickeys, and thingies. He was walking and talking with a new boss (training him and such) when they stopped at my isle. They didn't really notice me so it was perfect.

I picked up a stud finder and hit 'em with a classic!

"Hey guys check it out! It's a stud finder" Runs it over chest "Beep beep beep. Oh hey it's working!"

My boss had a few chuckles and the other guy said something about it being stupid but smiled anyways. Me? I was laughing my ass off.

Interviewee: "I have a an obtuse persona,"

Boss: "Oh, how so?"

Interviewee: "My back hunches forward, so I can't stand up straight"

I instantly "unprofessionally"chuckle

(My boss is a goony father of two sons. I was supposed to drive his truck somewhere, and I don't know how to drive manual.)

Me: Oh no, is it a stick? Boss: It's not a stick, it's a truck!

But yes, it was a manual transmission...

My boss gets a phone call letting him know a client is here.

Boss - "Oh, Joe Wright is here? Where is he?" (Talking to the receptionist downstairs)

So I turn to my boss and say "Oh, Joe Wright just left!"

Then turned back to my computer in silence with a bunch of shameful looks from my co-workers.

Boom.

So I work at a Wendy's and we have our fries in Large, Small, Medium, or Value size. I was working fries and an order for a small fry and two values. I make the small but didn't hear the values, and my boss tells me to make them, and as I start I say,

"Oh man, I heard the small but I guess I didn't hear anything of value!"

The groan was so satisfying.

So as I'm leaving work just now two of my bosses were talking to each other, and one was complaining about how his watch broke. The other goes, oh well it's right 2 times a day. Then my the one with the broken watch goes, eh well at least it's a good time and reveals it to be stuck at 4:20. Then I say, "Looks like your watch has a chronic problem" hahaha

Coworker: "oh no, my elbow is numb!"

Boss: "well what about your skull, is your skull still numb?"

Coworker: "My skull? No?"

Boss: "It's not? Because someone around here told me you were a numbskull!"

He proceeded to giggle as he walked away.

My boss was setting up a teleconference between our home office and our branch office in Washington D.C. I wasn't attending this meeting, but was outside the room getting some coffee when he came out. We made some small talk and he said he was waiting on everyone in the D.C. office to finish eating before he headed back into the room. This was my moment to shine:

Me: "Oh, were they eating conifers?"

Boss (slightly confused) "No"

Me: "You're right. They probably eat D.Ciduous food out there"

Too good not to share.