Broke ny finger today

On the other hand i am ok

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ahmed8117600
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
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Ny wife's got so fat, that I've had to keep all the fattening stuff at a place she can't reach....

The floor .

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
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Ever since the Death Star blew up, Anakin has taken to the NY Stock Exchange

He goes by Darth Trader

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
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Remember the Alamo-ny!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lifeboat777
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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Spider-Man used to have trouble commuting around NY.

Don't worry. He eventually got into the swing of things.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Evrant
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
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NY Bagelry Pun Found in the Wild
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cyphr0st
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
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A pun-ny drawing :P
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thehttprincess
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
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What if Spiderman was from London instead of NY?

They would have called him Kilometers Morales.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sagarkaniche
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2018
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What do satanic baseball players from Queens, NY call their communal showers?

Bath o’ Mets

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πŸ‘€︎ u/J0h4n50n
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2019
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Destiny USA, Syracuse NY
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AvBigboy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2017
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I passed a rest area on my way home from NY...

The sign said it was 25 miles. That's a HUGE rest area!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/N1NJA_CAR1B0U
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2018
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A director was flying from LA to NY

He's on his way to shoot the first episode of a new TV show, but security gave him trouble when they asked why he was going to NY. He said "I'm going to shoot a pilot".

Inspired by this comment

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thecowgoesrawr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2017
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Someone should make a pho restaurant in NY.

They could call it "Pho-get About It!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FalloutJoe97
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2015
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I was eating at Chin Chin's in NY NY in Las Vegas when I saw this on their menu

http://imgur.com/ddYc44E

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RebelE16
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2015
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So ny son saw a Flash cosplayer at the St Louis Comicon.

He wanted a picture with him so i asked the guy if he allowed Flash photography...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jspraggs
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2014
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Issa rabbit
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Prescott1997
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2019
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The Coffin Joke

Three brothers are trick or treating near a shady house. Suddenly, a spider appears on the first brothers arm causing him to scream in shock. This causes the second brother to run away in fear only to get hit over the head by a dead tree branch. The third brother tries to escape but trips over a coffin. Filled with fright, the three brothers decide to go back home before they are stopped by a ghost that informs them, β€œThe items you have encountered today will kill you in exactly 20 years.” and vanishes into thin air. Understandably, the three brothers were terrified out of their wits and ran back to their house.

20 years later on Halloween, the first brother has booby trapped and spider-proofed his entire house. Unfortunately, he accidently runs into a wall causing a black widow to fall on his arm and killing him.

The second brother has prepared for many years and made sure that he was nowhere near any trees. However, he somehow miscalculated by one day and was killed when a lightning bolt struck a tree causing it to fall and crush him.

The third brother completely forgot about the ghost’s warning and was having dinner with his wife. His allergies were really acting up that night, so he decided to go to a pharmacy to purchase some allergy medicine. Suddenly, without any warning, the entire store goes dark and a giant coffin appears in front of him, opens up, and starts moving towards him. Remembering his frightful Halloween over 20 years ago, the brother starts desperately throwing everything in sight towards the coffin but to no avail. Now there is nothing else left other than a lone bottle of NyQuil. In one last brave attempt, the brother throws the bottle of NyQuil at the coffin and it miraculously vanishes.

Because NyQuil keeps the coffin’ away.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/schosple-collopis
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
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What do you call birds that always hang out?

Crow-nies.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kai_T4
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2020
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I want to open a Vietnamese / Italian restaurant named Pho-GetAboutIt
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2017
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Tea pun-packed poem for my mum's birthday card

It’s been oolong time since my mum was born,

About Six-tea years to date,

Chai as you might, you can’t possible list,

her cupious amazing traits

Her balanced demeanour

Her Kindness and (earl) grace,

rooibost sense of humour,

too many to name in this teany space,

to pekoe out just a few does not do her justice,

let’s not stir things up and cause more of a ruckus,

While this ode may be (chamo)miles away from a Maya Angelou,

It’s just an obnoxious way to say how very matcha I love you.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gurlonreddit
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
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What do you give a porcupine when he has the flu?

NyQuill

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
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Why are so many Italian immigrants called Tony?

Because they all wore signs saying "To NY."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
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Beef out of reach

I was at my favorite store shopping for a good NY Strip for dinner. I thought they were all out but I saw that someone had stashed two on the top of the shelf just out of reach.

I was going to take a chance and climb up to get them, but the steaks were too high.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/solomonsaysgo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2018
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What are your favourite type of witches?

Mine are sand-witches

I'll walk myself out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KiRo88TheMLGNoob
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2016
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"Do you know who's buried there?"

Several years ago, a bunch of college friends were visiting me in NY during Columbus Day weekend. My parents offer to drive us into NYC, and on the way my father points out a huge cemetery. "Hey, do you know who's buried there?" My father asked. "Who?" We all asked excitedly. "Dead people." Cue collective groans and "God damnit..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/behemoth32
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2013
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Dadjoked going to the beach

I rode down to the beach today with my son, my husband, and my husband's best friend. We drove past a cemetery when ny hubby said "I can't be buried in that cemetery." I asked him why not, and he told me "because I'm not dead." Many sighs were had.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rykersmom
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2015
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This is the definition of irony.

iΒ·roΒ·ny

ˈīrΙ™nΔ“/

noun: irony

The expression of one's meaning by using language that normally signifies the opposite,

typically for humorous or emphatic effect.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/specialservices
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2016
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Buffalo Transportation

I was driving on the highway towards Buffalo, NY with my dad, and we passed a small car that said "Buffalo Transportation." I said to my dad, "There's no way they can transport any buffalo in that thing."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jcballer126
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2016
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I love my dad's humor

My parents are heading up to NY on vacation together. We have a group text that has my parents, my wife and I, my brother and his fiancee, and my sister. All day, half the family has been traveling for either work of vacation, so there have been a lot of texts about when people have boarded their flights or landed at their layovers of destinations. After 2 hours without any texts, here are the latest two texts we all got:

Mom: We got to NY!

Dad: Glad to hear it!

(remember, they're traveling together. Oy)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MattProducer
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2016
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Sitting on the front porch and my fiancΓ©e's uncle got me good

We're talking about actors and he goes "hear about that poor actress who was recently stabbed in NY?....Reese....Reese...." Stupidly I reply "Witherspoon!?"

He happily proclaims: "No! With a Knife!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dc8291
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2014
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Grandma dadjoked me today

I was playing Scrabble with ny grandmother, and she had 88 points. I only had 34, and said "You're at 88, and I'm not even 40!" She said "You'll be 40 in a matter of years."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/danarbok
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2014
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You think this is a lot of snow, Buffalo got four feet.

You know the animal, the Buffalo, it has 4 feet.

Works best if you live in Upstate NY like we do.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/badwhiskey63
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2015
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Sister in law is gonna be a great dad.

I was showing my wife and sister in law this video of a girl that had painted pants on and walked through NY. At the end it showed a close up of the front and you couldn't even tell it was a bare vagina, it just looked like jeans. My wife shakes her head and says "That's nuts!" And without skipping a beat my SIS says "no, I'm pretty sure that's a vagina".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Saywh4t
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2014
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Gym Music

Driving from NY to North Carolina. Listening to rock and electronic music.

Mom: This is perfect gym music.

Dad: Jim? He likes country better.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/penischarles
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2013
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Cousin thinks he's so clever

Riding in the car in upstate NY with my cousin; spotted a deer on the side of the road.

Me: "Deer!" Him: "Yes honey?"

It's been years and I still groan about it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lewmarster
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2013
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On every trip to college.

On my trip to college, I have to take Rt. 17 in NY. As some of you may know, the road goes past a town called Deposit.

Dad: Look we're in Deposit! I hope you brought your cans!

Also, there is town called Bath that we drive through.

Dad: Did you take a shower this morning, or do we need to stop here?

Every freakin' trip.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Robusto923
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2013
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