No strings attached, trust me
πŸ‘︎ 68
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Arm3tt
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Cheep lodging- no strings attached
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/poppawheeelie
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2018
🚨︎ report
My coworker got a fortune that said "You will receive something very nice soon with no strings attached."

I just hope it's not a yo-yo.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/youngtundra777
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2017
🚨︎ report
Pinocchio can have sex with no strings attached

By giving wood

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/punnycobi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2017
🚨︎ report
Free guitar! No strings attached!

Kinda hard to play, though.

πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Boomkiller
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2016
🚨︎ report
Today, in a cultural fair, I found someone was giving away free balloons to children

No strings attached.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/manantyagi25
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Anyone want a free air guitar?

No strings attached.

πŸ‘︎ 57
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cunt_Puffin
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
A local supermarket was giving away 100% free face masks

But there were no strings attached.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Parachute for sale

No strings attached

Also banjo same condition

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nico735
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
🚨︎ report
For a thousand bucks I'll teach you how to make things levitate

No strings attached

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tackdetsamma
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I don’t know why people aren’t purchasing my discount marionettes!

There are no strings attached!

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/razorbeets
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Psst, hey kid. I can sell you a puppet real cheap.

No strings attached!

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Forzen-Loki
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
🚨︎ report
We had an IDEA...

Back a few decades, I was working in a program with a local college in the Middle East.

The name of the program for ExPats has the clever acronym of "IDEA" (hey, I said it was clever); which stands for "Inter-Departmental Educational Adjunct". It's interdepartmental because my particular specialty not only covers field geology but also paleontology and a bit of archeology thrown in for good measure. Everyone hopes to have a good IDEA...

ahem...

Well, we saddle up and head for the Dune Sea out in the west of the country, where the Precambrian, Cambrian, Silurian, Cretaceous, Pliocene, Pleistocene, and Holocene crop out and access is relatively easy and non-injurious.

Well, we caravan out, some 30 Land Cruisers, Nissan patrol, and the odd Mitsubishi Galloper strong. We all get our maps, compasses and split up into 5 or 6 special interest groups ("SIG's"); where each IDEA has his own GPS and LIDAR laser ranging apparatus. Reason being, that there are very few benchmarks out in the desert, and even those are constantly at the mercy of the shifting and ever-blowing sands.

Since we're split into groups and at any one time, ranging up to and including some 50 km2, when a real find is located, a device called the "DIME" (Digital-Interface Monitor Encoder) is attached and programmed into the GPS for location later; it is a digital sort of low-frequency transponder, developed from technology used by offshore drillers and jacket setters where benchmarks are even more transitory.

The way it works is rather simple. When something is to be marked for later retrieval, a series of wooden posts are pounded in a triangular manner around the find and the DIME is set, programmed with the GPS and attached to one or more of the posts.

That's the theory, at least.

Everything works well, especially all the hardened electronics and computer gizmos, but attaching the DIME to the stakes is the real problem. It can't be nailed, screwed or fastened with any sort of metal contrivance as that farkles the magnetic field and causes all sorts of goofy spurious signals. Zip ties don't last long in the heat and duct tape is right out. Many sites have been lost to the shifting sands this way.

Velcro doesn't work too well, as the sand fills the hooks of the receiving piece of velcro and soon renders it useless. String or fishing line work, but that's temporary (they melt). Glue or mastic are out as these are supposed to be temporary. Even plastic sleeves don't work due to the heat out

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rocknocker
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Anyone want to buy a puppet from me?

Only costs Β£1. No strings attached.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GaryTheKnight
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Broken puppets for sale.

No strings attached.

πŸ‘︎ 607
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ScottyUrb
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2017
🚨︎ report
Silent Violin for Sale

No strings attached.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xiaki
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2019
🚨︎ report
An Archer was selling me a really nice bow for a low price.

I was suspicious, so I asked: "What's the catch?"

To which he replied: "Second-hand bow. No strings attached."

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mugsofjoe
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2018
🚨︎ report
The store told me they would sell me a hoodie with a hood that couldn’t close

They said they would sell it to me no strings attached.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MightBeATaco
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2019
🚨︎ report
I will repair your broken air guitars for free!

No strings attached

πŸ‘︎ 130
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ginolard
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2017
🚨︎ report
Why can't puppets have FWBs?

Well for starters it's a no strings attached arrangement.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2018
🚨︎ report
i'm practicing for when i hit the big time...

girlfriends cat ate about 5" of the string to tie off one of her dresses, it was partway out of the cats rear end when she got home from work- saw it- called vet- was told to take her to the local animal hospital.

So we get there and shes explaining to the receptionist what happened, I dropped them with a "we're just in knots about it", and during the wait with a "sophia's (the cat) really stringing us along with this one". My favorite was with the doctor when she finally brought the cat out saying she seems ok to take home- "well all set then? no strings attached?"

πŸ‘︎ 144
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/eggs-benedict
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2013
🚨︎ report
Looking for fun with an old broken puppet

No strings attached

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Wxlson
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2018
🚨︎ report
Why doesn't Pinocchio want a girlfriend?

He just wants something with no strings attached.

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pellep
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2016
🚨︎ report
My friend's dad's Facebook posts are golden

*Khakis: What you need to start the car in Boston.

*Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

*Doctors tell us there are over seven million people who are overweight. These, of course, are only round figures.

*What do you call a cow who gives no milk? ...A milk dud (or an udder failure)

*There was a terrible fight reported in our local shopping center. It just so happened that a news reporter from one of our local stations was there to record the entire episode. It was an altercation between a prominent dentist and a manicurist. Their disagreement escalated to the point that they wound up fighting each other tooth and nail.

*The little old woman who lived in a shoe wasn't the sole owner - there were strings attached.

*I recently saw a theatrical performance on puns... turned out, it was just a play on words!

*Have you ever tried watching a magician with an anger management problem? Every time he gets mad, he pulls his hare out!

*If you lose your hearing, is it ear replaceable? -Just wondering

*Harvard has long been known for its championship Rowing team – until this year. They had their first ever indecisive rower... he couldn’t choose either oar.

*I found an excellent seamstress who is so enthusiastic about her work that she's happy to make a pair of pants for you …or at least sew its seams.

*No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

*I bought a new weed whacker yesterday & it is cutting-hedge technology!

*Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.

*I read about a recent fire at the circus. The heat was in tents.

*I was saddened to hear that our local bakery was going out of business. They said they had decided to stop making donuts after they got tired of the hole thing.

*I decided that becoming a vegetarian was a missed steak.

*Why do seagulls fly over the sea? …Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels!!

*I wonder if their manure spreader is the only equipment John Deere won't stand behind.

*I saw a very emotional wedding recently... even the cake was in tiers!

*I'm glad I'm not a cross-eyed teacher... otherwise I'd find it too difficult to control my pupils!

*What time is it when little white flakes fall past the classroom window? ...Snow and Tell

*I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

*The other day I held the door open for a clown. I thought it was a nice jester.

*What kind of math do Snowy Owls like? …Owlgebra

*What

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gwildcat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2014
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 76
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I busted my guitar up but I’ll give it to you for free.

Really. No strings attached.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Texas_OT
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
🚨︎ report
My girl friend just bought fifty tampons for one dollar...

No strings attached.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad joke at the garage sale

So I'm at a local garage sale, and I can't help myself, I have to look into the free bin.

there, staring back at me was a guitar without any strings on it... and of coarse the dad joke of a lifetime.

A sign that read "free guitar, no strings attached." :D

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/capngloval
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Somebody just gave me a free air guitar

No strings attached.

πŸ‘︎ 56
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Free air guitar to first person to contact me

No strings attached.

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/UriahPeabody
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Every balloon store i go to tells me that my balloons are just going to fly away and i’m sick of it!

I just want a regular balloon, no strings attached!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pocoparker
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I am giving away broken puppets for free

No strings attached

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/McSmoothe
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Want to buy a broken marionette?

50 quid, no strings attached.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BeardFM
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2017
🚨︎ report
I bought a broken marionette recently

No strings attached

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BoydOrr
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2016
🚨︎ report
Broken puppets for sale.

No strings attached.

πŸ‘︎ 126
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dvergur
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2014
🚨︎ report
Selling a broken puppet for $1...

no strings attached!

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Steakaholic
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2017
🚨︎ report
I just bought a cello on the black market.

No strings attached.

πŸ‘︎ 157
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/suspiciously_calm
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2013
🚨︎ report

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