My 16 year old son was in the kitchen baking up a storm when my wife came downstairs. "What are you doing?" she asked him. "I'm going to have a bake sale to buy a car," he answered. "Where on earth did you get that idea? We're in a pandemic! No one is going to buy baked goods!" He said...
"I heard on Reddit that you need cake to get the car, ma."
What do you call a horse that’s up to no good?
My friend has no arms and loves to make jokes about it. They're never any good though.
He doesn't have a funny bone in his body.
The alphabet is terrifying. A bee sea? No thanks I’m good.
Why is Microsoft Outlook no good for communication?
Because Out Look is the opposite of In Touch.
I finally figured out why almost no one in my family finds my cheesy jokes and puns good.
They are all laughtose intolerant.
Chalk boards are no longer being used in schools, so when the last school finally took them down to install smart boards, the teachers gathered all the writing utensils from them and had a large bon fire just outside the school. It smelled so good.
Why did the train kill the other train for no good reason?
Good bakers use real butter so that there is no margarine for error.
"There are no cookie-cutter solutions" is good business advice.
Do you know why there are no good Native American restaurants?
It’s impossible to find a good Sioux chef!
Every Friday I get a feeling my wife is up to no good.
As a English teacher, I proud of myself at how good my students are teached. Thus I were dismayed when no paper writ by them all was worthy of a mark of even a C...
A: No, llama is GOOD!
Q: The capital of Pakistan?
I'm no good at opening jar lids.
I can never seem to pull it off
A rich patient told his doctor that money was no problem: "Please give me some good news." "Okay then," said the physician...
"But I'll have to tell that to your widow."
There's no such thing as a good story about Swiss cheese.
There's always too many holes in the plot.
So I’m dating a stripper and my mom asked, “do you think that’s a good idea?” I said, “no it’s a whoreibble idea”
I don't think I will be good friend with stars,they've got no life!
It’s no wonder women are so good at hiding things from men..
They’ve always got concealer on!
I would assume no news is good news.
What do you call a firework that's no good anymore?
There's no such thing as a good dilemma. They are by definition bad. Give me one example.
An example of a good dilemma? No problem!
Is a lemon that is no good a lemon?
Never trust volcanoes, they erupt to no good.
No matter how good they look, I’ll be avoiding all of the Thanksgiving leftovers in my fridge this year.
I’m quitting cold turkey.
Good God No!!
One time I was hiking with my dad and we got caught in a rainstorm. As we were driving back I was changing out of my wet shirt in the car. And as soon as my shirt was up over my face he yelled "Good god no!!" and started swerving and beeping the horn. I thought I was going to die. Thanks dad.
I’m told I’m no good at puns but they come fluid to me...
Why are there no good roof jokes
They go right over peoples heads
The best thing about telling a clean joke at the office is that there is a very good chance no one has ever heard it.
"Good night, no more games, go to sleep now" I say. "But Daddy..." my daughter says...
"And don't call me Buttdaddy! It's disrespectful!" I reply.
When you walk into wood, and your eyesight's no good...
Need some help, I want to give my geography teacher a leaving present and she's always loved puns. Can you guys come up with any geography themed puns? There are no good ones elsewhere..
Preferably something physical related, not so much to do with place names or anything like that, but if they're funny enough and not to niche I don't see why not! Thanks I really appreciate it! ^you ^guys ^are ^the ^best
When I was little I wanted to go to the Zoo once, but my dad said no. When I asked him to give me a good reason for not taking me to the zoo he said:
"It was hard enough to sneak you out of there in the first place."
Why are there no good Halloween jokes?
Good ghost puns are scarce.
I guess no time is too serious for a good dad joke
My brother and I are in the waiting room at the ER while my dad is back in the ER room texting us about what's going on. I wasn't sure if the ER was the same as the ICU. MY. My dad couldn't hold back.
http://imgur.com/sKewAWG
Why was the small sled-dog no good at barking?
Because he was a little husky.
The French government have announced they will no longer be exporting any goods produced in the South-East region of the country
This is why we can't have Nice things
My grammer ain't no good...
...but my grandpa's fine!
Good old history joke that had no one laughing but my girlfriend's dad.
My girlfriend and I went to an Egyptian festival over the weekend. It was actually surprisingly fun. The next day I'm having dinner with her family (mom, dad, two sisters), paternal grandparents aunt, uncle, and two cousins.
"Hey _emordnilaP, how was the Egyptian festival yesterday?" Her mom asked.
"Oh it was alright, except all the cool stuff happened way before anyone was really there, and the only thing left were poorly drawn pictures."
Like I said, no one laughed...except her dad. I was proud.
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