You know why you never see carpenters do stand up comedy?
Cause their performances are always very wooden.
Did you know U2 has the best lawyer in the entire music industry? And the best part is, they’ve never spent a dime on him.
Trees never want to know their parents
If they did, they'd be arrested for tree-son
"Son, do you know why helicopters never fly in the morning?" Puzzled, he responded, "No idea." I smiled and said...
Want to know why you never hear a cow speak?
Did you know Bruce Lee had a sister? she was renowned for never being tied down to a phone contract..
"Son, you'll never guess what I did today!" He replied, "I don't know, what?" I smiled and said, "I had a game of quiet tennis!" Frowning, he asked, "What's that?"
"It’s just like regular tennis but without the racket!"
Do you know why you should never trust a ladder?
It's probably been up to something.
I’ve never learned the entire alphabet. I just know 25 of the 26 letters.
I know a couple for 20 years and I have never seen them laugh or smile at each other.
They are…in a very serious relationship.
Pirates can never finish the alphabet. Y’know why?
They always get lost at C
I know times are tough for a lot of people right now. All over the planet, humanity struggles with problems that seem to never go away... just remember, you can always rest assured that at the end of the day...
A cat would never let you know what their favorite tree is...
Did you know that trash collectors never actually receive any official training?
They usually just pick it up as they go.
Reflecting on Prince Philip death, I was chatting with the Mrs and I said, I know I’m getting a little older, but I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.
She got up, unplugged my laptop and threw out my beer….
EDIT: Thanks for the kind awards... My first ever! ❤️
Did you know about the guy who got sued for never paying for WinRAR?
Heard he's still on trial
I used to know a rabbi that never charged for circumcisions.
You know why you never see elephants hiding up in trees?
Because they’re really good at it.
Do you know why you’ll never go hungry at the beach?
Because of the sand which is there.
Do you know why you never kiss anyone at a funeral?
They always have mourning breath.
Did you know vampires are suckers for deals? What do you call a vampire who uses coupons? Discount. What's a vampires favorite currency? Bite coin. The only kind of bank a vampire trusts is a blood bank. They still never make deposits.
Inspired by a recent post.
You know why you never see pigs in Hollywood?
Cause they always give hammy performances.
You know a Lion would never play golf.
Did you know that the inventor of the ferris wheel never met the inventor of the merry-go-round?
They ran in different circles
You never know how good the job of a baker is….
Until you kneed some dough.
Do you know why blind people can never be happy?
It's because they're always in a dark place.
You know why crabs never share their food?
Because they're shellfish.
Better get that 60+ sonblock on, you never know
I never know what to put here.
I never know what title to put
Did you know dolphins never make mistakes?
They do everything on porpoise.
It might interest you to know that French Fries have never even been made in France.
They've only ever been made in Greece.
My wife laughed, "The lottery is a tax on fools who can't do math!" I shrugged and said, "You never know! Anybody can win the lottery." Folding her arms, she asked, "Do you even know the chances of a person winning the lottery?" I shot back, "Yes!! 100%!!"
Did you know old truckers never die…
They just get a new Peterbilt
You know, owls never go on a date if it's raining.
Kids these days will never know what it's like to be an Instant Pot
Between all the different types of foods and recipes, you're always going to be under a lot of pressure
When rowing I never know which paddle to use.
I guess it's a case of either-oar.
and the world may never know
You know why you never hear any good steak jokes?
It's a rare medium, well-done
Do you know why monks never leave a party?
They’re always thinking “NahImmaStay”
Do you know that ants never get sick?
It's because they have anty bodies.
Even though I've never met you, I know how to spell your name. Do you want to know how?
You know why you never see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they’re really good at it.
Did you know that ants never get sick?
It's because they have little Anty Bodies
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