Never gets old..😂😂
Son: Mum, Dad... Im gay.
Mum: Looks at dad astonished.
Dad: Clenches Fist.
Mum: Dont think about it.
Dad: Hi gay, Im Dad.
No matter how old you get your kidneys never become adultneys
So my son comes up to me the other day and says "Dad you know 2 things that never get old?"
Dark humor and anti-vax kids
Anakin killing youngling jokes will never get old, but neither will those younglings.
My movie dad joke that never gets old (to me)
Whenever my kids ask what a movie is about, I reply "it's about an hour an half."
It's very satisfying.
I hear this several times day. Because my family is clumsy. Never gets old to him....
I stub my toe on something
Me: "Dammit I just hit my toe on the coffee table!!"
Dad: "Need me to call a toe truck??????"
Never fucking fails.....
Love him though.
My father tells the same joke while driving...never gets old..
I live in a very liberal city, that also has a lot of "right turn only" streets. He loves to say "For a city with so many liberals, you sure hate to turn left". Every. Single. Time
I've heard this countless times in my life and it still never gets old to him.
Me: I'm hungry.
Dad: Nice to meet ya hungry, I'm Jack.
What kind of people never get angry?
Reflecting on Prince Philip death, I was chatting with the Mrs and I said, I know I’m getting a little older, but I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.
She got up, unplugged my laptop and threw out my beer….
EDIT: Thanks for the kind awards... My first ever! ❤️
Why do astronauts never get depressed, even if they stay in outer space for months?
There's nothing there to bring them down
I have a rare condition that means I never get days off from work.
It’s due to my weekend immune system
Never ever get on a plane if the pilot is Dutch...
He'll take off and Netherland.
Why could Shakespeare never get a drink?
Because every time he walked into a pub the landlord would shout, "you're bard"
From my 5-year-old son: "Hey"
True story; it even happened last night. My 5-year-old son walks up behind me and out of the blue says, "hey."
I turn to him and say, "yeah, kiddo? What's up?"
He responds, "it's dead grass."
I'm really confused and trying to figure out what's wrong and what he wants from me. "What? There's dead grass? What's wrong with that?"
.
.
.
He says, totally straight-faced, "hay is dead grass," and runs off.
My 4 year old just told her first dad joke, and I've never been more proud.
My pregnant wife is wearing a white shirt that has a pumpkin painted over her belly, for Halloween. We are having another little girl, and have set on the name Ellie.
My daughter comes home, and is greeted by my wife.
4yo: "I like your shirt mama!
Wife: "Aww thank you! Do you like my pumpkin belly?
4yo: "...I like your pumpkin Ellie!"
I'm getting to be a typical old man. My kid brings her friends around and log on with their phones.
Giraffes can never apologize to each other.
It takes them too long to swallow their pride.
I'm so proud. My 12-year old told this joke during dinner: What degree does Dr. Pepper have?
Why would a pig dressed in black never get bullied?
Because Batman has sworn to protect goth ham
I failed to get elected as a union leader but you know there's this old saying...
Union some you lose some.
Three things Christ promises he will never do: Won't leave you broken-hearted (Psalm 147:3), won't reject you (John 6:37), and won't leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5).
In essence, Jesus is never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you.
I hope Elon Musk never gets into a scandal
I hope Elon Musk never gets into a scandal….
Elon-gate would be really drawn out.
If the old adage "You are what you eat." was actually true, what food would rappers never eat?
An orange, because they don't rhyme.
My boss always laughed at my jokes at work but since the pandemic she never laughs at them in Zoom chats. I asked her why doesn't she laugh at them anymore.
She replied, "Because your jokes aren't remotely funny."
Old programmers never die
They just don't C as well.
From my 9 year old son: Dad, what hand do you wipe your bum with? Me: My right hand......
Response: EEEEEEEERRRRRRRRR, I use toilet paper.
Well played, boy.
I saw a 1000 year old oil stain
It was from ancient Greece
Never thought of it like that haha
Your nose will never be 12 inches long
Because then it would be a foot.
Never ever spell part backwards,
An old guy goes to the chemist and asks the pharmacist, "Is there some pills that can help with sex?" The pharmacist says, "Yes, Viagra, it's awesome, I take it myself" The old guy asks, "Can you get it over the counter?" Pharmacist replies, "If I took 2 or 3, probably."
I just found out the Mortal Kombat theme was based on something old
...never gonna let you down! Never gonna run around...
Old shopping malls never die…
They just get de-mall-ished.
Old boat docks never die…
When a cougar gets so old, she needs a hearing aid...
....she becomes a Def leopard.
Straight from my 6 yr old.
What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?
Dino-snore.
I ugly laughed at this and she thought it was the best.
Edit: wow, thanks for the awards! I told my daughter she got 500 likes and she started dancing. Thank you!
What's something a drug dealer would never ask?
Wow never thought I'd get this far
my girlfriend complained that i never buy her flowers
i never know she sold flowers
My dad constantly tells me I'll never amount to anything because I always procrastinate.
I'll show him. Just you wait.
Edit: Goodness, that blew up. My first awards, too!
I want to send out individual replies to thank everyone who gave me an award. I might do it later.
My 6 year old told me this one today. Why do dogs carry bones in their mouths?
Because they don't have pockets.
I bought my 10 year old son an acoustic guitar yesterday and he has mastered 3 chords already.
So now the full Oasis songbook is covered he's moved on to a new one.
A lion would never play golf.
Never scream into a colander.
You’ll strain your voice.
you know what drives old people up the wall?
True story, just happened, proud of myself: Dog starts barking furiously out of nowhere. Come to the door to see she's startled a pair of guys from a roofing company who've come to fix a hole where squirrels are getting in.
"Sorry about her. Her specialty is also roofing."
Blank stares. My talents are so wasted without kids.
Get that extra pep in your step from this well
Never date a tennis player
Love means nothing to them
Never trust an atom, they make up everything...
But I know I can trust molecules, we have chemistry.
Palpatine voice Ionic...
My Dad Said That There Are 2 Things That Will Never Get Old
Dad Jokes and Unvaccinated Children
Fountain of Youth jokes never get old
Novelty just never gets old.
Why would a pig dressed in black never get bullied?
Because Batman has sworn to protect goth ham.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
