Natural approach Puns

when he notices a hot, busty woman on the sidewalk. He approaches her and says, "I'll give you a thousand dollars if you let me bite your nipples." Naturally the woman was reluctant, but concluding that she really needed the money, she agreed. So they go into an alley, she lifts up her shirt and unhooks her bra. He proceeds to bury his face in her breasts, moving and shaking his head. After a full minute of this, she says, "Well? Aren't you going to bite them?" He walks away, saying, "Nah... that's too expensive."

My dad told me this spooky Halloween story when I was young, I remembered it today and thought I would share it:

On one spooky Halloween night, a man decided to travel to the graveyard all by himself, armed with only a flashlight, and a thirst for adventure. He scoured the graveyard in search of ghosts, but after a long time searching, was disappointed that he couldn’t find one.

Just when he was beginning to get disheartened, he heard this awful sound from behind! The sound was deep, scratchy, and bellowing. It was the distinct sound of a coffin! The man was terrified. Naturally, he took off running! But No matter how far or fast he ran, he couldn’t escape the coffin. Everywhere he went, the coffin roared, deep, scratchy, and bellowing.

Just when he could run no more, he found himself trapped. The coffin closed in on him, getting louder and louder as it approached.

So what did he do?

He did what any man would do in this situation! He pulled out his Vick’s 44d cough syrup and stopped that awful coffin!

As my wife and I approached the samples stand at BJ's, I noticed they were sampling cashews. So naturally I faked a sneeze and said "CASSSSSSSSHHHHEEEWWWW!"

She replied, "you know, three people have done jokes like that today, and they've all been guys."

So as we were walking away, I said, "alright, cashew later!"

She told me that was a new one :)

A few of the new trainees approached me at work today and told me how part of their (and probably every other American's) New Years Resolutions were to get in better shape. They proceeded to ask me if I knew any gyms in the area.

Naturally I responded, "No, but I know a few James's"

Groaning ensued.