View into the kitchen at my local breakfast place.
Yesterday, I went to the DIY place to get manure for my garden but they were out of stock
I didn't take shit from anyone that day
My friend told me Yukon is the most northern place in Canada.
But I was having Nunavut.
To the guy that stole my place in the line
My local Vietnamese take-out place is angry with me
They say if I make anymore bad puns they're going to Banh Mi..
Proud dad moment, this is from my daughter. “Where is a bacteria’s favorite place to sit?”
This deer keeps running into my yard as if he owns the place, and I’ve had enough.
When they legalized marijuana in my state, a local bakery tried taking advantage of it by offering infused pastries. But they had trouble keeping the place staffed.
They had pretty high turnover...
I finally got revenge on the guy who wrote all the place names wrong on my map.
I ran at him, I pushed him down to the curb, and I got on toponym.
My dishwasher stopped working. where's the best place to get a new one?
To the person who stole my place in the queue.
I went to my first archery competition today. I nearly died of embarrassment as I had no idea how to even get the damn arrow in place, let alone shoot straight
I blame my mom. She always told me "Don't nock it before you try it"
sorry,...I'll get my coat...
My kid has conjured a new word for last place
I know my place.
I just submitted my first joke ever into a contest. I was going to go back for seconds, but they told me I came in third.
Before we were married, my wife used to clean up my place, and i used to clean hers.
Eventually we realized that we were maid for each other.
My friend got a great deal on a place to stay, except the owner kept talking to him for hours about dull stuff.
I asked him why don't you tell the guy you aren't interested? He said because the great price included room and bored.
Someone broke into my place and stole all my fruit...
When I die, I want my family to pour out my cremains in a beautiful and secluded place.
Then my eldest son will unseal and read aloud from my hand written letter:
"Wow look at dad ash."
Guess its not my place then
At the office yesterday, a lot of my colleagues didn't have a place to sit.
They were in a really deskperate situation.
My wife recently had her left breast removed and got a tattoo in its place.
I just went to my parents' place and my mom was upside down...
I have created a special place to store all of my favorite dad jokes....
I told my wife I saw a new yoga place is open, if she wants to try that again.
It turns out it’s open whether she wants to try yoga again or not.
My 12yr old came up with this today on the way home... Where is a stoners favorite place to smoke?
It's my wife's birthday next week and she's been leaving jewelry catalogs all over our place
So I got her a magazine rack
To the person who took my place in line:
My housemates keep telling me the place is haunted
I've been here 300 years and haven't seen a thing..
My co-worker got fired from our massage place yesterday.
I can see how he was rubbing people the wrong way.
My daughter posted a FB status asking where’s the best place to get a nose piercing
My wife wanted me to take her out to an expensive place for our anniversary,
So I took her to the Gas Station
Pump #4
I just got locked out of my fire place
I had too many failed log-in attempts
Drove passed a pizza place with sign that my 14 year old decided to read out loud.
“‘Wood fired pizza,’ oh no! How’s pizza supposed to get a job now?!” She made me proud.
Edit: sorry it’s “past”. Oops.
The instructor in my self defence class told me that the most effective place to kick a man is near his knees.
Personally, I think it’s nuts.
Last night an evil spirit was smoking cigarettes in my apartment and now the whole place smells like beef stew.
Must be all the ghoul ash.
A safe full of money disappeared from my place of work.
But I didn't get in trouble for it--it wasn't my vault.
Every place I go I introduce my wife as
I visited my friend's place and from the bathroom his 5 yo son yells I'm peein'!
I quickly responded European? I thought you were American! My friend just looks at me like well done.
Someone broke into my place and stole my limbo stick.
Just how low can some people go?
This may not be the place to post this but I’m heartbroken that my girl broke up with me due to her hallucinations.
We’d be the only people in a room and she’d tell me that she’s seeing somebody else.
To the guy who stole my place in the queue...
To the person who stole my place in the queue
To the person who stole my place in the queue
Yesterday, I went to a DIY place to get manure for my garden but they were out of stock
I wasn't taking shit from anyone that day
To the person who stole my place in the queue…..
To the person who stole my place in the queue..
To the person who stole my place in the queue...
To the person who stole my place in the queue
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