A list of puns related to "My Mister"
βSorry, mister,β he said. βIβm up to my ears in work.β
When my wife came home yesterday afternoon to find the kitchen and living room a mess, the laundry still in a pile by the washer and me on the couch having done nothing but eat chips and watch TV all afternoon.
She shook her finger at me, "You better watch this lazy attitude you've had lately, mister, or you're gonna to make me do something I'll regret!"
"Wow," I thought, "I can't believe I'm going to get a bj out of this."
There was two farms next to each other, separated by a long fence. The two farmers were called nick and Barry. They were both very resourceful farmers, using each and every square inch of land to grow on. Both would tend to their crops twice a day every single day, and became friends. However, both farmers were penny pinchers, and would often try and take a few extra crops from the other side of the fence, which lead to arguments. One day, Barry came out to tend his crops, but nick did not appear once. This continued for several days. Both sets of crops continued to grow, along and up the fence, eventually intertwining. Both farmers were growing wheat. After around 5 days, Barry came out and to his delight, saw nick tending to his harvest. However, this delight soon changed to frustration as he saw nick taking extra crops from his side. "Where have you been, and what do you think you're doing?" He exclaimed. "I'm taking in my wheat, and I haven't been out for a few days due to illness. I've been feeling queasy and dizzy when I stand up, with a throbbing pain in my head each time. But it's ok, they're only headaches." "Oh I don't think so mister" said Barry.
"Those are my grains!"
I hope this is the proper venue for this post. If not, feel free to delete me.
This came from when I was doing production lighting. Every once in a while during concert setup the audio tech would need help with mic check. Now the "real" audio guys would always just stand there going "check check check one two". Me being not a real audio guy wanted to have more fun than that, so I would always do "pages" as if I was paging people. But I would use these assumed names. Here is a partial list of names I would use. If you look closely you might notice a familiar u/name or two.
Paging Mister Lobbla β¦ Mister Bob Lobbla (from Arrested Development)
Paging Mister Vitoomey β¦ Mister Lee Vitoomey
Paging Mister Frescoe β¦ Mister Al Frescoe
Paging Miss Haivure β¦ Miss Bee Haivure
Paging Miss Mitch β¦ Miss Miranda Mitch (my random itch - from The Mick?)
Paging Miss Dactyl β¦ Miss Tara Dactyl
Paging Miss Falactec β¦ Miss Anna Falactec
Paging Miss Tonin β¦ Miss Sarah Tonin
Paging Mister Zinette β¦ Mister Ray Zinnette
Paging Mister Reader β¦ Mister Chip Reader
Paging Miss Kiaki β¦ Miss Sue Kiaki
Paging Mister Doffish β¦ Mister Stan Doffish
Paging Mister Debank β¦ Mister Robin Debank
Paging Mister Festo β¦ Mister Manny Festo
Paging Mister Ifornia β¦ Mister Cal Ifornia
Paging Mister Itosis β¦ Mister Hal Itosis
Paging Mister Saroni β¦ Mister Rye Saroni
Paging Mister Nasium β¦ Mister Jim Nasium
Paging Mister Aroon β¦ Mister Mac Aroon
Paging Miss Ester β¦ Miss Polly Ester
Paging Miss Rexia β¦ Miss Anna Rexia
Paging Mister Zapan β¦ Mister Pete Zapan
Paging Mister Tenuff β¦ Mister Jess Tenuff
Paging Miss Eous β¦ Miss Elaine Eous
Paging Mister Aroni β¦ Mister Mac Aroni
Paging Mister Preneur β¦ Mister Andre Preneur
Paging Mister Cetera β¦ Mister Ed Cetera
Paging Mr. Zapple β¦ Mr. Adam Zapple
Paging Mr. Bino β¦ Mr. Al Bino
Paging Miss Slapter β¦ Miss Ida Slapter
Paging Miss Talia β¦ Miss Jenna Talia
Paging Mr. Rafone β¦ Mr. Mike Rafone
Paging Mr. Zark β¦ Mr. Noah Zark
Paging Miss Yoki β¦ Miss Carey Yoki
Paging Mr. Foolery β¦ Mr. Tom Foolery
Paging Mr. Atric β¦ Mr. Jerry Atric
Paging Mr. Duttank β¦ Mr. Phillip Duttank
Paging Mr. Anoma β¦ Mr. Mel Anoma
Paging Mister Jass β¦ Mr. Hugh Jass
Paging Mr. Onella β¦ Mr. Sam Onella
Paging Mr. Maphobe β¦ Mr. Jer Maphobe
Paging Mr. Packa β¦ Mr. Al Packa
Paging Mister Dente β¦ Mister Al Dente
Paging Miss Conda β¦ Miss Anna Conda
Paging Miss Sharalike β¦ Miss Sharon Sharalike
Paging Miss Bellum β¦ Miss Sarah Bellum
Paging Miss Mennopey β¦ Miss
... keep reading on reddit β‘So I pulled some of it off and jokingly handed it to my dad saying: "Here you go Dad"
His response: "Don't you give me any of your lip, mister"
Allow me to regale you with a couple tales illustrating my late dad's sense of humor. Last names faked because I'm not that stupid.
.
(1). At a routine PTA meeting about me in my Georgia school, everyone found themselves packed into a hot and stuffy room waiting for the boredom to end. Shoulder to shoulder fun, can you picture it?
My dad lets one rip. It's loud, smelly, and echoes. The room falls silent as the fart invites itself unfavorably to the nostrils of those in attendance.
He turns to my mom and with his best shocked face says, "... Patty!"
I like to think he slept on the couch that night.
.
(2). During my old man's wait for us to arrive at the new home he had bought, he had to deal with ongoing construction and roughed it at a hotel for a few nights. He was a retired Master Chief Machinist's Mate, so cramped quarters reminded him of the sub's nuclear engine room. No biggie.
An interview comes up for a civilian nuclear power plant nearby, and before you know it my dad's sitting before these stuffy, serious, wrinkly old board members and managers, having his (mostly military) resume picked through.
"Well Mister Smith, we're impressed. Twenty two years is no small amount of time to dedicate to the service. But do you feel you're qualified to operate and audit a civilian fission power plant?"
My dad thinks on it for a second.
"Well no, sir, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night."
He got the job immediately.
(For those needing the reference)
.
Thanks for caring to read. I miss him a lot and this subreddit always reminds me of his sense of dry, quick humor. Take care!
"The other day I rear-ended a car, and a midget walks out looking all pissed. He says, "Mister, I'm not happy!" So I reply, "If you're not Happy, which dwarf are ya?!"
The best part is, after every dad joke my dad tells, he finishes it with "I don't care who you are, that's funny." No dad, just no.
We where at Safeway in the produce section my wife was looking at something random and i noticed the produce misters came on. I Exclaimed to my son hey look at that. My wife and son both started looking around over by the misters and asked "what?" I said "never mind you mist it" got some looks and eye rolls from the people next to us as well as my wife haha.
My family and I were touring a zoo/safari park, and looking for the elevator that would take us down to another area of the park. We were walking near an older couple, and the woman pointed out to her husband that the elevator was just ahead past the mister (there were various places throughout the zoo where a pleasant mist of water helped keep visitors cool). The man responded, without missing a beat, "That's Mister Elevator to you."
He's 4 years old and walked into the kitchen while I was at my aunt and uncle's house. My aunt saw him and got slightly irritated because this was a problem she thought he had gotten over. She goes to talk to her husband about it:
Aunt: Keegan had another accident honey.
Uncle: Oh did he now?
Aunt: Yes. And I'm making dinner, so can you please deal with this? (at this point she is still pretty ticked off)
Uncle: oh I'll deal with it. Keegan come here.
Keegan walks over
Uncle: Urine a lot of trouble mister. Can't you pee that you're pissing your mother off?
My uncle proceeded to laugh uncontrollably at his own joke while my four year old cousin stood there looking really confused and my aunt walked away with her arms crossed, angrily trying to hold back her laughter.
phone starts ringing, says its a telemarketer from "MO"
me: Dad, MO is Montana, right?
Dad: No, its Missouri.
Me: Why MO? Nobody notices the "O" in Missouri.
Dad: There's a lot of other states that start with an "M".
Me: What about MR? What does that one stand for?
...then my dad looks at me and smiles and says "Mister"... I rolled my eyes and went back to my room.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.