"Yes, my master, I have."
"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"
"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."
"And the moon, when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?"
"Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon."
"That is the problem. You keep watching all this shit instead of training."
That's what I herd, anyway.
It was a third degree burn.
You must be built backwards because your feet smell and your nose runs.
He can't just comprehend what attachments are!
It was stolen from right under my nose.
I agreed and added that they don't even have associates.
Had to change some plans with my dad while I'm in town. So I told him we had to move the day to Thursday.
He said "don't worry I'm flexible"
to which I replied "I'd say that's a bit of a stretch."
He didn't seem to know what I meant so I had to explain I was joking.
"Ahhh I may be flexible but I'm not so bright."
"Don't worry dad, at least the son is."
I have officially become more dad than my own dad.
Within the next year I want to publish my first book on tape
And now my college president is giving me the 3rd degree!
We were discussing an upcoming business trip I'm taking you next week, when he says:
"So what's taking you there, other then the plane?"
Smooth Dad, real smooth.....
"What's with the third degree?"
He always said "Ven you vant to do something, zen go and do it!"
Me: I had to run some errands today and the area I was in was so sketchy I thought I was going die.
Him: Well it's a good thing you weren't walking errands, or someone might've caught you.
Boy, were they Sorry.
My Wife "OH GOD HERE COMES ANOTHER CONTRACTION"! Me "Can't".
Me and my girlfriend planned on going to eat at "Chili's" as we left her mom told us "be sure to bring a jacket to stay warm."
Damn right-wing Evangelionists.
Saw this card in the store the other day and thought it'd be the perfect thing for him!
While driving around today running errands.
Dad: I'm gonna stop here at Sonic. I'm in the mood for an Iced Tea.
Me: I'm more of an LL Cool J guy myself, but I can make an exception.
He looked at me with a mixture of "ugh" and "I'm so proud"
On my shopping adventure with her today.
Me: Can I see the shopping list please? Her: Why? Me: So I can see what's on it. Her: It has letters and words on it. Me: .......
I wasn't feeling well and I suspected some intestinal blockage to be the culprit. Naturally, I made an appointment with my doctor. I'm in the treatment room waiting when he comes in.
Doc: Not feeling well huh? What do you think it is?
Me: I'm not sure but I've had weird bowel movements I think it's blockage
Doc: I don't believe you
Me: wut
Doc: you're lying to me
Me: no seriously doc I'm blocked up here
Doc: I know, you're full of shit
I sat down to watch TV with my parents and they decided to play Master Chef. I'm familiar with the show, but haven't seen any of this season. I'm sitting there, complimenting the fantastic weight loss of Graham, one of the judges, when my dad goes:
"Yeah, you know, last year he was going by the name kiloGraham, but now he just goes by Graham!"
I laughed, my mom groaned, and the cleverness of the joke, (which is far from usual), was enjoyed by all. :)
Me: I would love to have a dog as a ring bearer it would be so cute!
Dad: A dog as a ring bearer?? Psh! That sounds impawsible!!
He always manages to get me somehow..
In the dining room during lunch after giving my elder residents desert which was Angel food cake, everyone noticed that the cake was very flat and thin.
One of the ladies said "This is no angel food cake, this is...."
Without missing a beat, this old man with a patch on his right eye interrupts the little old woman and says at the top of his lungs in a raspy, yet clear tone , "I'll tell you what this is!. It's a fallen angel!"
Everyone in the dining room laughed uncontrollably. Not him. He just shakes his head and digs into the cake.
I immediately thought of you guys.
The other day I am hanging at my GF's Grandparent's home when all of a sudden her grandpa takes a bunch of tape from their tape dispenser and just puts it on to his ear. Obviously very confused my GF goes "Grandpa what are you doing?" to which he responds "Oh, just listening to my tape"
It was a third degree burn.
It was a third degree burn.
It was a third degree burn
It was a third degree burn.
