My Happiness Puns

"At the satisfactory!"

"Oh," I said, "You mean that I should make my own happiness?""No," he said. "I meant, most people don't have it, and many don't even know what it is."

I thought that that was interesting, because I also cum with a toy.

Then I got Antidepressants

she said she was positive she could find some

I said..."You're a domestic woman, not international"

Actual conversation I had - met with a delightful eyeroll and groan.

"I'm sorry", I told her, "I thought it only applied to Happy Women."

Otherwise, it could be curtains for all of us!

I said, “you need an ALTITUDE adjustment.”

Those were good years

As mushroom as possible

It's because Sara tonin'

Your fingers. You can always count on them.

Or at least sew its seams.

A stick.

I heard they worship cows over there.

..and then we met.

His parents weren’t too happy about it.

(My dad told me this over brunch today. Gotta love that guy.)

Those were Goodyears.

One is cool but the other is a little cooler

but they left the hospital with no refund or return possibility.

"...40 second birthday". I was so proud.

. She still regrets letting me name the kids.

But it was a type O

Other times, I just let her sleep in.

Those were some crazy mood swings.

His statement was it wasn’t a “felon-knee”.

Because they'll crack up!

A thesaurus

I'm a son without a father... I lost him a few days ago to a heart attack and I just... can't stop crying

We both used to check out this sub daily for amazing dad jokes and laugh at them together... We'd try to form our own stupid stuff

I used to wake up for college early in the morning I'd cook some breakfast for him get ready and before leaving I'd wake him up and tell him a stupid dad joke... I'd want to see him start his day with a smile

I just want to thank you all in this sub for giving me and my dad happiness your jokes made us laugh at our worst times

Out of habit I keep getting up to go to his room with a dad joke... Only to see it empty

I'm never gonna get to mess around with my dad again... I'm never going to hang out with him again he's not going to be there to see me grow up and buy a house of my own ... He's not going to see me buy a car of own ... He's not going to see me get married... He's gone forever and I will never get to start my day with a smile again from a silly dad joke with him

He wasn't the greatest dad but he certainly was the best I could ever ask for ... I will miss you dad

Thank you r/dadjokes to all the amazing dads here and their funny and stupid jokes

Edit : thank you so much dad's for your overwhelming support I love you guys and I just want to take a moment to thank all the people here who shared their experiences as well of having lost a parent... Your story inspires me to continue forward with the torch

Also I'm seeing quite a few comments saying the post is not funny and that they came for a laugh... I'm truly sorry about that, I just really wanted to honor my dad in this sub since we spent so much time together here scrolling for jokes and I needed the push from you dads to get back on my feet

I'm never going to be the same that's for sure knowing a peice of me has been lost forever... The void will never be filled in my heart But your support is just what I needed, once again thank you dads I love you

Edit 2: thank you so much dads for your overwhelming support I know I haven't been able to respond to all the dms and messages here but I've been reading them all and it's just made me smile in the worst Thank you dads you guys are the best

But in Medieval times people were called Lance A Lot...

And now I live with Snow White and six other dwarves in the forest...

And yes, I do have to tell them all to stop feeling me all the time.

Douglas

.....so I bought her nothing.

I paused for a second while I thought and mumbled, “It’s you. I can tell by the voice.”

I want to thank everyone who posts on this sub!! All the best jokes I have-have been heard and I’m being groaned at a lot lately. I’ve found some new ones to share with friends and family due to this sub, and the unexpected but amused looks are so worth the groans I get too. So thank you 🙏

This was not any ordinary bird however, as he was able to speak and understand English at a perfect level. For quite a while, he didn't use it much to his advantage. He was content simply fluttering around and living peacefully with his bird wife.

But one day, tragedy struck! Our bird one day woke up to an empty nest, no bird kids, no bird wife, just him and some twigs.

He starts asking around his bird community, and eventually pieces together that his bird wife got tired of him and his lack of ambition. She took the bird kids and flew off to stay with her bird Mother.

Our bird was left with an overwhelming sense of listlessness, realizing that everything he had worked towards in his bird life was now gone.

Our bird, now destitute and lonely, decided he was tired of bird life, and wanted to use his English speaking ability to try something new.

He decides to fly into the nearest human town, and observe for a bit. He perched himself on a tree overlooking the main street of the town, and simply watched.

After an hour or two, he noticed several people heading into a building, one labelled as "Bar". He decides that if he wants to truly utilize his prowess of the English language, the best place to start is with other English speakers, so he flies down to the building and hops his way inside.

Our bird makes his way over the bar, hops up on a stool, and says "Hey bartender, can I get a drink?" The bartender and a few other people nearby notice that these words came out of a bird and are immediately and completely enthralled and bewildered by this sight.

The bartender saunters over and asks "Did you just ask for a drink? But you're a bird! I've never seen anything like this before, but if you want a drink I'm happy to oblige".

The bartender pours the bird some water, places it in front of him, and they start chatting. After realizing what was happening, every patron at the bar is standing around the bird, eager to get another peek at this otherworldly phenomenon. People ask the bird some questions, and the bird happily responds, informing them all of his plight and his goal to take full advantage of his gift. More people make their way to him, snapping pictures and videos to share with their friends. The bird loves all the attention and is more than happy to indulge each and every customer who comes up to him.

After a few hours, closing time rolls around. Most people make their way out of the bar, ecstatic to share their newfound memories with family an

OK, the financial information is useful, but there was absolutely NO information on how to run a library.

So I said "Well which one are you?"

I said "Thanks, been working on it my whole life."

Wife just face palmed and had to apologize on my behalf but I was pretty happy with myself.

I said, “you need an Altitude adjustment!”

Those were Goodyears...

Then we met

"...40 second birthday". I was so proud.