My Girlfriend's Girlfriend Puns

I said okay... Bi den.

I told her “we already watched that together, don’t you remember?”

I had my suspicions the moment she walked through the door.

I should have known, there were red flags everywhere.

It was a near Mrs.

She was lack toes intolerant

Though I'm being told that's not how I should announce my wife's pregnancy.

It's not like I did something

They are in a very serious relationship.

When she left, she gave back the $100 exactly. I lost interest in that relationship.

Guess who came crawling back

She said: “My anaconda don’t want none unless it has buns, hun”

I said, " that's not going to work."

Her: “Who’s Becky Stan? 🤨

... Ohhh 😖”

A perfect 10 but purely imaginary.

More on this after the break.

Damn near poked my eye out.

It was a text massage

I think she overlooked her legs

In retrospect we shouldn’t have been on that escalator.

There was just too much history between us.

I told her she should be careful making blanket statements like that.

I opened it up and it was working fine, so I'll just wait till she's home to ask her what she meant.

Haven’t you read Hebrews?

I said we could table it for now.

She’s my univ-ursula 🪐✨

I am tired of her shit.

She's no longer my ghoul friend. (this actually happened, i just wanted to make the situation lighter)

That is not a good sign.

But in my defence, I’ve had a lot on my plate recently

All the signs were there

Tea leaves

I said, “But wait, I can change!”

Just yours.

Haven't laughed in two years.

I have some breaking news for her.

At that moment I knew she was good at raisin children.

So I asked her what numbers she could see.

She might as well be Egyptian.

"I shit you knot."

What a loon!

Thankfully the tests came back negative and they're not my kids after all

Its enough to make a mango crazy!

Which is strange because I'd never seen herbivore

I told her it's unfair to make a judgment in less than a minute.

I guess you could say I'm pretty Ruthless

She asked what had happened to it,

I told her the box had a leek in it.

"That's harsh," I told him, "I think she has a great body."

so she wrote down everything

She’s from imagination.

Son, the only way to handle this is to go straight to her house, ring her doorbell and run away.

Don't be Rhossili Bae

I replied, "well, you've always been a little dinghy!"

I just want her back

It's really strained our relationship.

I never knew she was lack-toast intolerant.

About time she slapped some cents into me.

I'd rather dye.

She was mad, “What am I going to do with 2 dead dogs??”

The irony is that I’m a Gemini.

She's no better.

She said, “Let’s sleep on it.”

I heard my girlfriend from the kitchen say "Ow!"

I walked in and said "what happened?"

She said pointed to a drawer handle and said "I knee'd this"

I said, "Well, I can get you more"

You should've seen her confront when I drove pasta.

I told her to beat it.

She looked surprised.

The weird thing is she could care less when I text my O’s

She got in one and I the other. Then we just drifted apart.

I said, “Floors are beneath me.”

We hashed things out in the end.

I hate when she eats on the bed! Hot sauce stains, Woman!

But it was all booked

“No, but he wants to be!"

It's totally hopless

I asked him what's her name

Son: " Sophie "

Me: "Son,you can't be serious "

Son : "is it because she's older than me?"

Me : "No, it's because she's our cat"

...Because it’s in tents.

Know your plaice woman!

She said, "what the heel!"

She was lack toes intolerant

I had my suspicions the moment she walked through the door.

There was just too much history between us.

I had my suspicions the moment she walked through the door

A straight 10 but imaginary too

Guess who came crawling back!

She's a perfect 10, but completely imaginary

We are in a very serious relationship.

I told her I don't know, I slept through it.

I have some breaking news for her.

A solid 10, but also imaginary.

She seemed surprised