My Girl Puns

Well I told her that I’m looking for a match.

I want to name her Asubaru.

a reptile dysfunction.

She called me a riceist

i didn't care i continuum to bother her

I told her I was waiting for some matches...

Never seen herbivore.

“It shows that she can make a terrible decision but still stick to it.”

I don't know what he season her

and she drank from cans.

I think she was pretty hot.

It was a period piece

It's parents just split.

Please keep it lighthearted.

That's a niece on alt AMA.

But I declined his chair-ity.

I am asking for a friend

How shallow is that?!

For instance ;My name Address and phone number.

She stood me up.

First I had to stand in line for the tickets.

Then I had to stand in line to get my tux

Next I had to stand in line to rent the limo

Finally I had to stand in line to get her boutonniere

When we got to the prom after all this she said she was thirsty, so I went to get her a drink. But there was no punch line.

Cause she’s a party pooper

Obviously my wife said yes and the girl came out with this

Why do you have to go to bed?

Because the bed doesn’t come to you!

I immediately burst out laughing as I’d never heard that one before! Was great to know that the dad joke tradition is in safe hands with the younger generations!

"A nun walks into a bar with 2 chimps - one's toilet-trained and the other one's Jewish..."

Unfortunately this only bought me the additional 15 seconds it took her to figure out that I'd just made it up and there was no punchline. Sounds like it would be funny if there really were one though...

She rang me up and told me she had a boy and a girl. She asked me for ideas on names. My sister asked, what's a good name for the girl?

I replied, Denise!

Aww that's a good name my sister said. What about the boy?

I replied, Danephew

As my coworkers gathered round, she sobbed loudly, "Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said that you worked with?!"

I don’t know what I said wrong… all I said was “thank you for your cervix!” while giving her a salute.

... but he let her down.

“She knows how to make bad decisions and stick by them.”

My puppy is loving the attention!

My little girl came up and starting drawing polkadots on my arms.

She said "Do you mind?"

I said, "No, how could I mind? You are my dotter."

She was way hotter

Sorry, not sorry.

I guess you could say things are getting pretty Siri-us.

Eventually we drifted apart.

Apparently it was a low “ha”.

Because they took one look at me and thought "ah damn!"

Don't know if I lava anymore.

The good news is I can see Claire Lee now that Lorraine is gone.

They are just big raisins.

Told her I'm just looking for a match