My 5 year old told me this today - Dad, how does a farmer count all his animals in the barn?
My wife is leaving because she’s fed up with my South American animal puns.
I said, “So you’re guanaco? OK, alpaca your bags.”
My wife called and told me animal control was at the library…
I said it most definitely must be…an infestation of bookworms.
I love my balloon animal class. I just hate the pop quizzes.
My daughter was telling me about cheetahs and how they are skittish and nervous animals. They require a lot of attention and sometimes in zoos they even have a companion dog to help keep them calm.
Turns out, without a lot of care, cheetahs never prosper.
Someone randomly dropped off a bull in my neighbor’s yard, but animal control picked it up before she got home.
She would have had a cow.
My family used to own a farm with prize winning animals
The cows were udderly awesome.
My wife works in animal medicine and rolled her eyes at me. "Where does a vet who specializes in neutering live?"
My dad saw an ad for game with heavily armed animals. He asked me what they gave the naked mole rats.
I told him stealth gear and a go bag. He is an exposed double agent.
My wife raises animals and also sells medicines
She's a farmercist
(based on a true story)
My Roomba accidentally went out the front door, and the neighborhood animals immediately started attacking it.
My friend creates hybrid animals. She made a cow with human glutes. It turned out to be so cute!
I really like to look at her butt-ox!
Animal punning is my favourite.
My wife has been telling me to put a stop to my animal impressions for a while now. Today, she furiously told to me stop a flamingo impression I had been practicing for a while now.
I realized that was it, and I had to put my foot down.
My favorite animals are tigers and lions.
You could say that I’m a big cat person.
My ex actually has 3 spirit animals:
my friend asked me what my favorite animal was and I said....
I have a problem. My wife steals animals from the zoo and hides them in our house.
I tried to bring it up but she didn't want to discuss the elephant in the room.
I asked my farmer friend, “Can you explain how I can gamble using farm animals?”
He said, “You bet your ass.”
A sales guy tried to sell me on a new preparation to wash my hair with, which supposedly contains the excrements of some very special rainforest animal or whatever.
My daughter keeps putting my golf visors on all of her stuffed animals
She told me they call her the queen advisor
Sent my dad a picture of animals gathered on a hill. “Wild turkeys?” “Nine deer, dad!”....
“I didn’t know you spoke German!” he replied
When I go for a walk with my best friend, he can’t help but stop and pet every animal he sees. He just thinks they’re so adorable!
My partner is having a bad day at work, so I thought I would draw his favorite animal with a cute note.
My family has been getting stir crazy. So we decided to take our son to the local zoo. Problem is, it’s a small zoo. They only have one animal. It’s a dog.
I made a graph of all the animals I've observed pooping in my yard.
Trying to fall asleep a few nights ago, I asked my wife, "If you could have any animal as a pet, what would it be?"
She said, "Cats. They check all my boxes." We let that sink in before we both started laughing.
My wife when I won't stop making animal puns.
I just found out what animal’s been getting into my avocado plants...
I think there’s a special place in hell for my friend Dante, because he’s always trolling animal rights activists.
My dad told me to stop pretending to be a farm animal
He was sick of me horsing around
My brother took a test to see his animal spirit...
He couldn't bear the results
I recently bought my daughter a box of animal crackers.
Going through the box the elephant was ok. The lion was ok. The seal was broken and I had to throw out the box.
My friend Dante was a big animal rights activist, but suddenly started protesting against them.
After one too many jokes about farm animals, my wife couldn't take it anymore. She told me to get out.
I went to the zoo but they were missing my favorite animal...
The look on my face was otter disappointment
My spirit animal is the crocodile
I brought my skills learned in the army to my new job, working to fix animals...
It was about rape so the pun is better. Original post https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/bq2qvn/peta_parent_freaks_out_at_my_animal_abusing_ways/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
My wife and I were talking about people owning strange animals and she said, “I’ve always wanted to get a manatee.”
I said, “Thank you very much, I’ll have it with milk and two sugars please.”
Hello! I thought that maybe some of you lovely punny people might want to support my enamel pin kickstarter as they feature these pun-tastic grumpy woodland animals 😄 I’ll put the link in the comments
I asked my daughter where her stuffed animal was. She said "Right inside."
I asked her why it was "Left inside?"
My wife is kicking me out because she's fed up with my South American animal puns
"OK", I said, "Alpaca my bags".
My wife is kicking me out because she's fed up with my South American animal puns...
'OK,' I said, 'Alpaca my bags.'
My Roomba accidentally went outside our front door, and the neighbourhood animals immediately started attacking it.
My friend Dante was a big animal rights activist, but suddenly started protesting against them.
My Roomba accidentally wandered outside my house, and all the animals started viciously attacking it.
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