Holiday Special: "Mr. Mayor’s Magical L.A. Christmas"
Neil serves his love of gift-giving by forcing his disgruntled staff to work on “L.A. Christmas Eve” as they wait for his “perfect gift” to arrive.
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Ted Freely stood atop the world, looking down at all that was his. By the world, I mean his world. By his world, I mean 2 square miles of feces infested, homeless ridden filth and squalor in a once beautiful Southern California beach town. He was right at home. But truthfully, it wasn’t quite all his yet. The votes were still being counted.
Ted was a tall, rotund man who’s heavy breathing could be heard with every step he took. But frankly, he didn’t give a fuck. He was standing on a deck with that cheap, tacky white plastic outdoor furniture. Behind him, sitting in one of those chairs, was a man who was the closest thing Ted had to a friend. His name was Ricky Cobble.
Ricky was a short and slender, meek young man. He didn’t quite know how he ended up as Ted’s campaign manager… Or Ted’s friend… Or Ted’s acquaintance. But he tried to make the most of it.
“Never in all my years did I think I’d make it here Ricky. They all doubted me. They’ve always doubted me.” Ted pensively boasted, addressing Ricky but really just talking to himself. “My father used to tell me I was good for two things: laughing at attempts to squeeze me into a car seat as a child, and eating all the junk food in the house to keep him from eating it, so he’d stay lean and healthy.” He snickered to himself, “Who’s laughing now, Dad?”
Ricky held his phone to his ear, “Ok… ok… yes… yes…. I understand… thank you.” He hangs up.
“Well?! Don’t just sit there staring at me! Did I win?!” Ted had left his calm mob boss stance at the head of the deck to manically approach Ricky, now towering over him.
Ricky’s mouth couldn’t form words, he was too stricken with equal parts excitement and fear. He formed a wide mouth closed smile at Ted. Ted’s eyes lit up like a Christmas tree.
“I did it.”
-3 Months Earlier-
Ted Freely spent his days doing a little of this, a little of that. He hadn’t had a job in years. He lived off of disability checks from the government that he started getting when he pulled off the best case of injury fraud the state of California had ever seen. When that wasn’t enough to pay the bills, he’d sell a little weed. Or meth. Or really whatever he was able to get from the other dealers down at the beach. Then he’d take it downtown and flip it.
Ted’s ingenuity and street smarts were about the only positive things most people could attribute to him. Old Bill Skeeter over on Hoover street once ran Ted down with his Pit Bulls, Gunther
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Wednesday, Dec. 15 at 9 p.m. ET/PT
"Mr. Mayor’s Magical L.A. Christmas"
Neil serves his love of gift-giving by forcing his disgruntled staff to work on “L.A. Christmas Eve” as they wait for his “perfect gift” to arrive.
