Gonna milk this one for all its worth
My daughter asked what pig milk tastes like. I said it's sower.
It is amazing how a considerable ammount of people think chocolate milk comes from brown cows...
But I am still looking for the pink cows!
The doctor insisted I take a milk bath, so I asked her if it need to be pasteurized...
She said no, just above the knees.
If a cow doesn’t produce milk, it’s both an udder failure, and a milk dud.
If I ever made an epic company for milk and cheese, I'd call it legend-dairy.
I burst into the kitchen and shouted at my wife, "Honey! Whatever you do, do NOT let them take your temperature on your forehead when you go into the supermarket!! It erases your memory!! I went in for bread and milk like you asked..."
"...and came out with two cases of beer!!!"
It's so hot outside that my cow started giving powdered milk
We have a magnetic alphabet on our fridge. The other day my daughter grabbed the letter T and put it in her in milk.
She looked at me and said, “I’m having a T party.”
I chortled.
"Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, 'No, just leave it in the carton!'"
Among the different forms of milk, my favourite is when it is churned.
What do two people have when they both like to boil leaves in water, add milk, and put it into the freezer?
This morning I saw the milkman drinking a sip of milk before leaving it in front of my door.
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when I got it there was too much milk and not enough coffee
Better latte than never I suppose
What do you calling it when your in milk up to you're eybrows
Pasteurize (past your eyes)
Wife: you forgot to get the evaporated milk. It was on the list.
######Me: [looking thru the grocery bags]
I definitely got it
Wife: don't you dare
Me: it must've evaporated
Cashier, "would you like your milk in a bag?". My dad, "no thanks, keep it in the jug"
He said it every time, and now I do it when my kids are shopping with me.
A ton of milk weighs less in a car, because then it's a carton.
My wife was trying to make butter from milk by churning it with a beater, after 30 mins, there was still no butter, she asked “how much longer do I need to beat it?” I said ...
It’s crazy how fast milk trucks are driven these days...
One blink and they’ve gone pasteurise.
Kid: Mom I don’t have school on Monday, the school calendar says it’s “milk” day.
Mom: Milk day?.... O honey you mean Martin Luther King Day! He was a famous civil rights leader.
Kid: O yea I know him! He said “I have a dream”
Dad: yes, “I have a dream that one day milk and chocolate milk will live in harmony.”
Actual conversation last night
I was rying to milk my cow and it looks like it was an udder failure.
What do you call it when you step in milk?
It was annoying when our local shop stopped stocking my favourite almond milk. It was even more frustrating when the tofu was removed as well.
If it carries on like this, I’m really going to start losing my Tempeh
It's a known fact that cows produce more milk when the farmer talks to them
It's a case of in one ear and out the udder.
Did you hear about the new species of ant they discovered? It's huge, doesn't have feet, and is scared milk.
They named it the lack toes n' taller ant.
I bet they called it almond milk because
nobody can say "nut juice" with a straight face
It's amazing people can buy milk.
It's pasteurized before you even see it.
My milk warns me when it's going bad.
What do call the best bag of milk in the middle of its own pasture?
My daughter asked me if it hurts cows to milk them.
I told her it's udderly painless.
I can sanitize milk by throwing it at your head.
The milk becomes safe to drink once it goes past-ur-eyes.
My Dad got the milk out of the fridge and starting waving it back and forth in front of my face...
Dad: What's that?
Me: I don't know
Dad: It's past-your-eyes milk
Me: Groans
Etymologists have recently announced the discovery of a new bee. What makes this bee unique is its ability to produce milk.
It will be called the boo-bee.
It hurt me when my doctor said I couldn't drink milk anymore.
I guess you can say that I have a Lactose Liability now
"Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, 'No, just leave it in the carton!'"
Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, "No, just leave it in the carton!"
This morning I saw the milkman drinking a sip of milk before leaving it in front of my door.
Why do the call it almond milk?
Nobody can say "nut juice" with a straight face
Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, ‘No, just leave it in the carton!
“Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, ‘No, just leave it in the carton!’” #loveit
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
