Meeting house Puns

Me: Meet me at Mo's Egg House at 8AM. The rental place opens at 9AM and we can get some breakfast. Boyfriend: I know eggsactly where that is.

It's nice to know if they get married and have kids my grandchildren will be in good hands.

Patient: I don't wanna hear semantics

House: You anti-semantic bastard.

I grinned, girlfriend groaned.

This is the latest joke making its way around our house. My kids started it — I swear. And I’ve perpetuated it. Much to their dismay.

Typical exchange, usually around the table:

Kid: “I’m hungry.” Me: “I’m Dad. Nice to meet you, hungry.” Kid: “ARGH! I’m serious.” Me: “well, I’m still Dad, Serious.” Kid: (Thoroughly annoyed.) “Can I be excused.” Me: “Well, I’d prefer you stay Serious. If you’re not Hungry, though, you may leave the table.”

I had some friends over my house when my dad came home.

Friend: Hello sir. I'm Jose.

Dad: Nice to meet you Jose. Looks around So, where's hose b?

Before a staff meeting, a coworker was talking about living in a renovated church with 15 other people. He said it's just like any other big house, they hang out, party, etc., then someone asked if they drink on the altar.

I said, "yeah, it's a great place to drink. You only need to bring water."

Sitting at my sister's house watching my niece.

My niece: "I'm hungry"

Me: "nice to meet you hungry"

My sister to my niece: "those cheesy jokes uncle says are called dadjokes"

Me: "guess I should go get some wine and crackers"

I was giving her directions to get to my house (she has been here before).

Me: Take the Picadilly Line to Hammersmith. Do you want me to meet you there or do think you can walk here from memory?

Her: Where is memory?