My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
True story: As kids, my sister and I were fighting over the TV remote and it got heated. The remote flew across the room and a couple AAA batteries fell out. My sister threw one at me, and I grabbed a nearby salt shaker and threw it at her.
My mother, who was watching this go down, just laughs and says, "Assault and battery!"
She then left the room, cackling.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
My wife was changing through channels on TV. She asked me if I skip, too.
I said, “No, running is faster.”
My mom told me not to watch anything on the tv
So I watched next to the tv
Anyone want to help me make a TV show about Abraham Lincoln?
The plan is to shoot it in front of a live audience.
A friend offered to sell me their TV for five bucks but said the volume dial was broken.
Cemeteries remind me of the TV show Cheers.
It's a place where everyone knows your name.
My girlfriend wants me to choose between her and my career as a TV journalist.
I have some breaking news for her.
My wife told me to pick a bigger New year's resolution than "watch more sports on TV".
Unfortunately, our TV only does 1080p 60fps.
I don't understand why the Australian authorities haven't called out the lady sheep to deal with the fires. Everyday, when I was a child, Smokey the Bear was on TV telling me,
"Only EWE can prevent forest fires."
My son asked me if he could watch TV
I said "Sure. Just don't turn it on"
My parents always told me that if I watched too much TV then I would get square eyes?
But wouldn't that just make my vision sharper?
My TV tells me what level the sound is
My wife and my family are leaving me because of my obsession with watching horse racing on TV.
Last night, me and my friend watched 3 DVDs back to back. Luckily, I was the one facing the tv.
Someone offered me a TV for $1, because the volume was stuck at the max.
I WAS on top of the laundry. Then my wife had to ruin everything and tell me to fold it like I promised and stop lying on it while I watch TV.
My dad told me when he was young they had to watch TV by candlelight
Today I was waiting have a cavity filled at the dentist when the assistant hands me the smart tv remote to put something on while I wait.
So I say “Nothing like a little Netflix and drill”
[REQUEST] Help me name my TV show.
I'm in the process of getting a show on the local public access channel started. It's going to be a weekly recording studio session that showcases local bands. Most of the paperwork is done, I just need a snappy title. The best I can come up with is "The Here Canal," but I think /r/puns can do better!
Wife texted me as she was boarding a plane, irritated that there was no wifi or TV screens as it was one of their "classic planes"
So I texted back: "Looks like you boarded the air-PLAIN.."
She didn't text me again.
My Dad got me while we were watching an America concert on TV.
Dad: Did you know they hired a bunch of new producers and bought an $8,000.00 sound system for this show.
Me: No why did they do that?
Dad: They are trying to make America great again.
Me fiance told me the commercial for 'Snowden' was on the TV
Her: Hey it's Snowden!
Me: That's impossible. It's hot outside!
My dad got me last night while eating dinner and watching TV
I asked "Is there ketchup?", to which he replied "No, this is live TV"
My wife told me I should get up and do things instead of watching TV all day...
Me and my mom got dad joked while watching tv this evening.
Mom (watching American Idol): You sure don't see a whole lot of black cowboys on tv.
Dad: Sure you do, I saw a whole team of them get their asses kicked last sunday.
Dad got me watching tv
We were watching a show that introduced a concept car based on the shape of a fish's body. They mentioned the car got great gas mileage.
Dad: It's extra e-fish-ent!
Every time this player was mentioned on TV, my dad would turn to me and ask "do you think he's got a brother called Art?".
My girlfriend is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on that after the break.
My wife is kicking me out of the house because of my obsession with acting like a TV News anchor.
More on that after the break.
My wife is kicking me out of the house because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on that after the break.
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