I'm surprised to find myself working at NASA even though i never graduated high school.

Someone had to clean the toilets and keep the place clean.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
my boss found out I'm high at work

but I can't help being 6'1 so he didn't fire me after all

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/uhrilahja
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
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My maths book from high school... I’m sorry
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yesandno-2003
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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I’m starting to make a robot that has a really high words per minute.

He’s a pro-to-type.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UnchartedQuasar
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
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I’m not sure why my heating bill is so high?

If you’d like to come over to offer me any advice my door is always open

πŸ‘︎ 104
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2020
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I went to the tailor, but his prices were so high, I told him I’m going to learn to tailor my own clothes.

He said β€œFine, suit yourself.”

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/radioclash86
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2020
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Can I post here if i need help coming up with a pun? I’m a high school teacher and am implementing a β€œphone hotel”. I wanted to name it something clever. Like a name that sounds similar to a real hotel or even name it β€œPhone Hotel” with a clever slogan. Any ideas?
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/winnieloo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
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Wow, that’s really high up there. I’m going to need either a ladder or a step stool.

And I prefer the latter.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/littleallred008
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2019
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I'm considering marrying a high earning ceo who doesn't want children, but I'm sad about the prospect of giving up my scuba diving hobby.

It's illegal to DINK and dive.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/arrenlex
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
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I'm going to start a low carb, high fat and protein combined with martial arts diet

Aiketo

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/adopogi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2019
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I'm looking into buying a pair of high tech glasses

The specs are really good

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GaryTheKnight
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Help I'm announcing a high school soccer banquet tonight and need some dad jokes

Greeting, I'm the MC at a small high school soccer banquet this evening and need some humor help. I play rugby and my son plays soccer so any little digs I can get about that would be helpful too. We are American and I don't know any pro soccer player so please refrain on specific players. Thanks in advance.

πŸ‘︎ 579
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hals318
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2016
🚨︎ report
Son - Dad I'm high

Dad -(while standing on a chair) But I'm higher

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rayan_charif
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2019
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I'm a man who likes to drive with high heels on...

I call it drag racing.

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Striddy2
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2018
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I'm pretty sure close to 100% of teachers are armed... I mean, don't these people take basic human anatomy in high school? Arming teachers is a moot point.
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/footsteps71
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2018
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I'm always fascinated by how high-tech knives are

They are all cutting edge

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/minifiji
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2018
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I'm exercising my eyebrow muscles by raising them high.

Try it. You'll be surprised.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KL1P1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2018
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I'm known for my dad jokes and in my first day of junior year in high school, I got my friend good.

Today, my friend Mia and I found out we had PreCalculus together and thus sat across from each other and began talking about our schedules while our teacher prepared the student contracts. (For reference, Mr. Waage is one of the music teachers in my school.)

Mia- "I have Waage three times in my schedule this year and two are back to back." Me- "What periods do you have him?" Mia- "0, 4th, and 5th period." Me- "Looks like you are getting maximum Waage."

Grunts and cringes ensued

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2014
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Son, I gotta tell ya, I've done some deep thinking and I've realized it's high time I quit my job and finally pursue my dream. I'm going to open a museum that commemorates the extensive and fascinating history of beverages.

I'm calling it The Gluggenheim

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wstopak
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2017
🚨︎ report

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