I'm surprised to find myself working at NASA even though i never graduated high school.

Someone had to clean the toilets and keep the place clean.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Slymood
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 21 2020
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my boss found out I'm high at work

but I can't help being 6'1 so he didn't fire me after all

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/uhrilahja
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 30 2020
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My maths book from high school... I’m sorry
πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/yesandno-2003
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 21 2020
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I’m starting to make a robot that has a really high words per minute.

He’s a pro-to-type.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/UnchartedQuasar
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 10 2020
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I’m not sure why my heating bill is so high?

If you’d like to come over to offer me any advice my door is always open

πŸ‘οΈŽ 104
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TakenByKangAndKodos
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 25 2020
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I went to the tailor, but his prices were so high, I told him I’m going to learn to tailor my own clothes.

He said β€œFine, suit yourself.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/radioclash86
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 04 2020
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Can I post here if i need help coming up with a pun? I’m a high school teacher and am implementing a β€œphone hotel”. I wanted to name it something clever. Like a name that sounds similar to a real hotel or even name it β€œPhone Hotel” with a clever slogan. Any ideas?
πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/winnieloo
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 08 2019
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Wow, that’s really high up there. I’m going to need either a ladder or a step stool.

And I prefer the latter.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/littleallred008
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 20 2019
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I'm considering marrying a high earning ceo who doesn't want children, but I'm sad about the prospect of giving up my scuba diving hobby.

It's illegal to DINK and dive.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/arrenlex
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 17 2019
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I'm going to start a low carb, high fat and protein combined with martial arts diet

Aiketo

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/adopogi
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 02 2019
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I'm looking into buying a pair of high tech glasses

The specs are really good

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/GaryTheKnight
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 02 2019
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Help I'm announcing a high school soccer banquet tonight and need some dad jokes

Greeting, I'm the MC at a small high school soccer banquet this evening and need some humor help. I play rugby and my son plays soccer so any little digs I can get about that would be helpful too. We are American and I don't know any pro soccer player so please refrain on specific players. Thanks in advance.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 579
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/hals318
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 08 2016
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Son - Dad I'm high

Dad -(while standing on a chair) But I'm higher

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/rayan_charif
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 03 2019
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I'm a man who likes to drive with high heels on...

I call it drag racing.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 53
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Striddy2
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 27 2018
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I'm pretty sure close to 100% of teachers are armed... I mean, don't these people take basic human anatomy in high school? Arming teachers is a moot point.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/footsteps71
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 26 2018
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I'm always fascinated by how high-tech knives are

They are all cutting edge

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/minifiji
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 09 2018
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I'm exercising my eyebrow muscles by raising them high.

Try it. You'll be surprised.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/KL1P1
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 20 2018
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I'm known for my dad jokes and in my first day of junior year in high school, I got my friend good.

Today, my friend Mia and I found out we had PreCalculus together and thus sat across from each other and began talking about our schedules while our teacher prepared the student contracts. (For reference, Mr. Waage is one of the music teachers in my school.)

Mia- "I have Waage three times in my schedule this year and two are back to back." Me- "What periods do you have him?" Mia- "0, 4th, and 5th period." Me- "Looks like you are getting maximum Waage."

Grunts and cringes ensued

πŸ‘οΈŽ 29
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ImRedditingOnMyPhonr
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 05 2014
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Son, I gotta tell ya, I've done some deep thinking and I've realized it's high time I quit my job and finally pursue my dream. I'm going to open a museum that commemorates the extensive and fascinating history of beverages.

I'm calling it The Gluggenheim

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/wstopak
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 17 2017
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