There was a murder among the number community, and we suspect it might have been committed by the 2, the 3, the 5 or the 7.

At least, those are the prime suspects.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/dragonslumber
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 03 2023
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People said Iโ€™d never get over my obsession with Phil Collins.

But take a look at me now.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Onereasonwhy
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 18 2022
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Son: "Dad, can I eat the cake in the fridge?"

Dad: "Sure, but the dining room would probably be more comfortable."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DrOsteoblast
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 12 2022
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Why do teenage girls walk in groups of 3, 5, and 7?

Because, they can't even.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/BigIslandSun
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 04 2022
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Puns about the word "one" make me numb.

But jokes related to "two" make me even number.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Super64AdvanceDS
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 31 2022
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Tell us mow!

An odd occurrence happened on our culdesac this weekโ€” two of the houses fell in love. We are trying to be supportive, but behind their backs we call it a lawn distance relationship.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/stevekimes
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 04 2022
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My therapist told me to write a letter to all the people I hate and then burn themโ€ฆ

I have done thatโ€ฆ. Now What do I do with the letters?

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/clitsdontexist
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 10 2022
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There's so many bad puns on this sub' it's making me just feel numb, and don't talk about the math ones..

..they make me feel even number.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
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What odd number is no longer odd when you remove a letter?

Seven. If you you remove the S it becomes even.

Heard from my nine year old three minutes ago.

Iโ€™ve never been more proud.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/platypus_eyes
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 31 2020
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teacher: what are 2, 4, 6, 8, 10...?

steven: even numbers

stephen: ephen numbers

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ravireads
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 13 2018
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For math lovers and others to
  1. Why was the fraction apprehensive about marrying the decimal? Because he would have to convert.

  2. Why do plants hate math? It gives them square roots.

  3. Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average? It was a mean thing to say!

  4. Why was the math book depressed? It had a lot of problems.

  5. Why is the obtuse triangle always so frustrated? Because it is never right.

  6. Why can you never trust a math teacher holding graphing paper? Heย must be plotting something.

  7. Why was the equal sign so humble? Because she knew she wasnโ€™t greater than or less than anyone else.

  8. What do you call the number 7 and the number 3 when they go out on a date? The odd couple

  9. What do you call a number that canโ€™t stay in one place? A Roaminโ€™ numeral.

  10. Did you hear the one about the statistician? Probably.

  11. What do you call dudes who love math? Algebros.

  12. Iโ€™ll do algebra, Iโ€™ll do trig. Iโ€™ll even do statistics. But graphing is where I draw the line!

  13. Why should you never talk to Pi? Because sheโ€™ll go on and on and on forever.

  14. Why are parallel lines so tragic if they have so much in common? Itโ€™s a shame theyโ€™ll never meet.

  15. Are monsters good at math? Not unless you Count Dracula.

  16. Whatโ€™s the best way to flirt with a math teacher? Use acute angle.

  17. Did you hear about the mathematician who is afraid of negative numbers? Theyโ€™d stop at nothing to avoid them.

  18. How do you stay warm in any room? Just huddle in the corner, where itโ€™s always 90 degrees.

  19. Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven eight ("ate") nine!

  20. Why DID seven eat nine? Because youโ€™re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!

  21. Why does nobody talk to circles? Because there is no point.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/InvestWithArihant
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
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Three of my high school's percussionists were all involved in a torrid affair regarding the geometric shaped piece of metal...

It was an odd love triangle...

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thomasbrakeline
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
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Support groups

Procrastinator's Anonymous will be canceled because all the members have put off coming to at least next week. (Credit unknown)

Jane finally decided to join Narcotics Anonymous after getting needled into coming. (Original)

I bet you 50:1 odds that Joe won't be here at Gamblers Anonymous tonight. (Original)

As Laura spoke at AA, I found her account intoxicating. (Original)

Even if I were transgender, I doubt I'd ever go to a Crossdressers Anonymous meeting. I hear those meetings are literally a drag. (Original)

At a computer users' group, a guy was complaining that his Linux-loving girlfriend refused to do Windows. (Original)

I plum need to attend a Purple Anonymous meeting. (Original)

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Spotted_Lady
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 22 2018
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Puns of Varying Quality on the Subject of Linguistics (created in a fit of procrastinative inspiration) some of which I thought someone, someday might appreciate.

Note: Quality Very Varying (I see what I did there) and sometimes subject to specialist knowledge. So I apologise in advance. Shame me with your better puns.

While I was languishing in the Language Centre, doing some semantics antics and considering how all the other linguistics students despised and derided me, I was accosted by a stout man with large glasses who made me a preposition. It was that I should collect terrible puns, to do with linguistics, in order to ingratiate myself yet further with the other linguistics students (including even the phonetics fanatics).

I'm struggling to think of a pun to do with grammaticality that both makes sense and "Is grandma tickly?" correct. I'm also stuck on 'morphologician'. (I'm not actually sure that's a particularly logical word for the subject, though I guess that's more for, er, more for a logician to worry about.)

The problem I have with writing about phonological variation is that one is constantly forced to choose between being fun or logical - very Asian!I always get in trouble with electricians, they think I'm calling them a 'dialectician' whereas in fact I'm just saying "Die, electrician."

I like pscycholinguistics โ€“ the only department of linguistics where itโ€™s acceptable to wear a cycle helmet. My Australian accent is terrible but I like to think my Sath Efrican one is predicate. My favourite accent is Received Pronunciation, because it is the accent chiefly used by invisible Japanese people who are ordered online. When the first recipient of an invisible Japanese person got the parcel, they wrote a complaint saying "Received but can't see Asian" and the name stuck.

Why did the speakers whose native languages weren't English, but whose only shared language was English, but they weren't very good at it and kept on having to stop to think about it, stop talking to one another? They came to an agreement. (Get it? If not, write your answer on a pastecard and paste it to the below address.)

What did the 'a' say to the 'the'? "You definitely are ticklish, 'the'!"

Why was the small man eaten by the large bear, which was proportionately bigger than him? It had, er, relative claws.

I think the reason there are so many speakers of Russian is because they all partake in an activity called "copulae shun". (Ok, ok, I know, that was Pushkin it.)

I know a man called Hillary who can, might, should, did, must, shall and will ride an ox. We call him "Ox Hillary".

I always think the verb 'to be' in the senten

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/kieuk
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 28 2011
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In honor of my recently deceased high school English teacher

This was one of her favorite jokes she loved to tell: One day, a man was walking home after a long day at work. As he waited for a crosswalk signal, he glanced back and noticed a coffin standing down the block. "Odd," he thought, but he ignored it and continued home. He turned the corner and managed to catch a glimpse of the coffin again. This time is was closer to him... like it was following him. He picked up his pace and ran into his apartment complex. The coffin was right behind him. In a fright, he dashed up the stairs to his place, locked the door and barricaded himself in the bathroom. Thud, thud, thud! The coffin was banging on the bathroom door. The man frantically looked for something to defend himself. Just as the coffin busted through the door, the man grabbed some cough syrup from the medicine cabinet, threw it at the coffin ... and the coffin stopped.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/biseriousjohn
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 17 2013
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Dad joked by my Dad on Father's Day.

Sent my dad a text to wish him Happy Father's Day. ( My Dad loves texting so that's why I did it in a text ) He mentioned that he was part of the Elks Serving Club. I asked what he did in the club and here was the exchange.

Dad: No song singing here!! We raise money for small charities, etc... Have the odd drink!! lol

Me: The odd drink, eh?

Dad: Yep, don't touch the even ones.

Me: Ha ha

Dad: We have the 1st, 3rd, 5th, 7th, etc...

Me: I get it. What do you do with the even ones?

Dad: Don't count them!!!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Deetoria
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 19 2014
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