I was having a glass of wine with my wife after a long day and I heard her say "I love you so much and always look forward to being with you at the end of the day. I don't know what I'd do without you." "Is that you or the wine talking?" I asked. She replied "It's me...

...talking to the wine."

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
🚨︎ report
β€œI love my job!” exclaimed the farmer. β€œAll you do is boss me around all day!” complained one of his sheep. β€œWhat did you say?” challenged the farmer. The sheep glared back and growled...

β€œYou herd me!"

πŸ‘︎ 783
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife sent me a heartwarming text that read, β€œIf you're sleeping, send me your dreams. If you're laughing, send me your smile. If you're eating, send me a bite. If you're drinking, send me a sip. If you're crying, send me your tears. I love you!”

I replied, β€œI'm on the toilet, please advise…”

πŸ‘︎ 16k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I have a co-worker who claimed for years that he hates Christmas. He finally broke down and told me he secretly loves it, he just has a reputation to maintain.

He finally came out of the Santa Claus-et.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/barthm1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I love taking pictures of my son, so much most people call me

his personal 'Papa'razzi.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/8Dinglehopper8
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
A Chihuahua and a Bulldog are in a bar having a drink, when a good-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me." So the Bulldog says, "I love liver and cheese." The Collie replies, "That's not good enough."

Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone, cheese mine."

πŸ‘︎ 108
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Gandhi's Mum: How much do you Love me

Gandhi: From the bottom of Mahatma

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kat_nu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I was wondering if this group could help me come up with puns for my husbands promotion watch. It’s an omega speedmaster. He loves puns and I am truest bad at them.
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pellersheila
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
My friends love me. They know me. They love to know me.
πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ChocoaQueen
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
🚨︎ report
A woman told me she was in love with 14 soldiers and didn't know what to do.

I told her not to worry - it was clearly just a platoonic relationship.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porkchop_d_clown
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
🚨︎ report
My dad didn’t love me as a child, but I don’t really blame him.

I wasn’t born until he was an adult.

πŸ‘︎ 74
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
🚨︎ report
My son walked into the living room only to find me looking around all misty eyed. Reluctantly, he asked, "What's up pop?" I blubbered, "My boy, I really love our furniture..."

"Me and my recliner go way back."

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
🚨︎ report
The One That Made Me Love Dad Jokes

My Step dad told me this one about 25 years ago (I was around 12?) and I've loved it, and dad jokes, ever since.....

A guy named Benny was walking down the beach when he found a magic lamp.

When he rubbed the lamp, a genie came out and said he got three wishes. However, he must agree to never shave again. If he did, he would become an urn.

Benny wished for riches, women and a VERY long life.

Years upon years had passed; and Benny's beard was so long it was difficult to manage. He decided that surely the genie who had granted his wishes so long ago had forgotten about him, and so he shaved his beard off.

POOF!!

He was an urn.

What's the moral of the story?

A Benny shaved is a Benny urned.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CandyceCox
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I fell in love with the tick that bit me when I was on a trip to Rome

It was a Romantic gesture

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nitefury07
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat

especially when it's on cruise control

πŸ‘︎ 160
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/slackbladerered
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad just told me the worst dad joke ever but I love it at the same time the joke was "Why does Mr Tayto have a phone"

"In case onion rings"

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ItsNcYte
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2020
🚨︎ report
A friend asked me, β€œWhy do all men love dad jokes?”

I said, β€œIt’s punintended.”

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MajiinBr3w
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2020
🚨︎ report
My grandfather, who was in the army, once told me, β€œ1940, I met my first love. 1946, my second. 1950, I met the woman of my dreams.”

β€œIt was quite a hectic evening.”

πŸ‘︎ 552
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Hey Dad, remember you told me when you were young you used to love blowing bubbles?

Yes son I do.

Me: Well he's back in town and he's looking for you

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/B-man44
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Me: I love going to art school! My wife: you can’t go any more!

Me : but that’s where I draw the line

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/allanon101
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My daughter asked me for a recommendation for a good book. I told her I had the perfect book in my collection for her to read. It has drama, romance, betrayal, excitement, action, love, loss, heroes, villians, mystery and puzzles. Pretty much everything really. Excitedly she asked me for it.

I handed her the dictionary.

πŸ‘︎ 469
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife was disappointed when she found out why my friends call me β€œThe Love Machine”.

Because I suck at tennis.

πŸ‘︎ 436
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2018
🚨︎ report
My physicist girlfriend told me that she loves me to the moon and back.

I’m worried she means displacement, not distance.

πŸ‘︎ 67
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I was in a taxi today and the driver said, "I love my job. I'm my own boss. Nobody tells me what to do."

Then I said, "Turn left here!"

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend loves puns and I told her to come check out this page. She kept telling me she couldn’t find it....
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kdiddy1026
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife likes to call me "your majesty" when we make love

Because I'm faux king awesome

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/santilfu
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife told me she loves her new white board we put up...

I said "I do think it's rather re-markable."

πŸ‘︎ 60
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/levelologist
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Guys, a femail just confessed her love to me!

Will keep you guys posted.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheJellyJam04
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
🚨︎ report
My father-in-law knows how much I love puns, so he gave me this game for Christmas
πŸ‘︎ 330
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/alx924
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2016
🚨︎ report
I love water so much it f*cking makes me wet.
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/momowire
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I do love me some fruit puns

https://preview.redd.it/e3gbq2lopxr11.png?width=514&format=png&auto=webp&s=4a831652c3ee2a9018744b74a343b9bbbacf62c2

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Iamneverfunny
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife loves tennis, and she was telling me how distracted she gets at the constant grunting during women’s matches.

I told her I’ll try not doing it again.

πŸ‘︎ 55
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2018
🚨︎ report
β€œI love the feeling when I can make people open up to me.”

- Mike, 48, surgeon

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/randomredditor512
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Introduced my 3 year old to Mary Poppins and she loves it. But keeps telling me the joke told by Bert and Uncle Albert.

β€œI know a man with a wooden leg named Smith..”

β€œReally, what’s the name of his other leg?”

She tells both lines and laughs loudly saying β€œthat’s funny Daddy”...

Love it.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DannyGere
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I took Uber yesterday. The driver said, β€œI love my job. I’m my own boss. No one tells me what to do.”

I said, β€œPlease turn left.”

πŸ‘︎ 270
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2018
🚨︎ report
Adam: Hey Eve do you love me?

Eve: of course, you’re the only one.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/djmuhlestein
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife and I love to go on dates, but we always do what she wants. Today she asked me, β€˜If you had to pick any date, what would it be?’

June 19th, 1910

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VividDreamerzzzz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
🚨︎ report
There’s no time like today to do the things you love. For me, that thing is fishing.

Carp diem!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/garboooge
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2019
🚨︎ report
My 8 year old hit me with this one at breakfast - Where do dads love to go on vacation?

Papa New Guinea

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GuessImNotLurking
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
🚨︎ report
my boss loves to set me up to say the punchline of a great dad-joke

I love my boss... every few months, my boss and i find ourselves in the break room with a couple other people. He will take a sip of his freshly-poured coffee and loudly say, "ugh, this coffee tastes like MUD" ... and then he looks at me expectantly ... and I dutifully reply "that's because it was just GROUND this morning." The other people within earshot hate us when they realize they have been tag-team dad-joked

πŸ‘︎ 983
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xRVAx
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2015
🚨︎ report
My fiancΓ© just informed me that her lunch was phe-nomnomnom-enal. I love this woman.
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KyronX
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2018
🚨︎ report
The ballerina dresses told me that they love me

I replied, " I love you two too, tutus".

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MexElf
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad didn’t love me as a child, but I don’t really blame him.

I wasn’t born until he was an adult.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2018
🚨︎ report
My physicist wife keeps telling me that she loves me to the moon and back.

I’m not sure whether she means distance, or displacement.

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2018
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.