Good employees are hard to find nowadays
"No" he said, "It kills them"
I said "well don't just stand there, in vitamin"
It was quite the shindig
It really is a riot.
I said, “The jerk store called for you.”
I guess that makes me a pretty fly guy
Me: “This thing is going to be huge.”
Son: “Why? It’s only three floors high.”
Me: “Look at that elevator shaft! They’re going to build more on!”
Son: “Geez Dad, that’s a bit harsh.”
Today I could be a free man !
So we have two showers, but if both are running the water is unbearably cold.
Me to my kids: “Are either of you getting in the shower?”
They don’t respond.
Me: “I am jumping in the shower is that ok?”
My daughter: “Yes...wait! No you could slip and fall.”
We both started laughing.
If you find any lettuce know
all i got is "no Juan left behind."
Clerk: "What for?"
Me: "To keep on hand"
As I unwrapped it he said, "I don't want to spoil the ending, but it's to the left of Canada".
Dad said mother was the best windbreaker he knew
Credit: my dad- 5mins ago
I told him "I can't wait to start learning how to turn:, I then turned 90° to my left and exclaimed "holy crap I'm getting the hang of it already"
