My daughter pointed at a spear and said β€œdaddy look it’s sharp”

I replied with β€œthat’s the point”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lZombieChaserl
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2020
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This looks sharp
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/someone56409
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
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Made a shirt out of thumb tacks because I wanted to look sharp...

But everyone said it was tacky.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlackEyedBroad
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2018
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I met a beautiful cactus today, so I told it, " you're looking sharp today ".

" I'm just a cactus " , it said. " You have a point there ", I replied.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Magnusfeli
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
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Looking Sharp
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KunGDark
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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Why did the butter knife put on a bow tie?

Because he wanted to look sharp.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/afranc72
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
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So I asked my brother why he was wearing glasses in his new profile picture.

He replied, "because I wanted to look sharp".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RamseyDidIt
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
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Why do Pencils shave?

To look sharp

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bcubed1812
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
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why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?

Invitation said to look sharp.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chexmp
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2019
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Why did the two knives go to the dance together?

Because they both looked sharp

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gl3nnsth3man
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2019
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Dr. Ann Kerr

Watching 'Operation Ouch' on Cbbc tonight with wife and kids. Someone called Dr. Ann Kerr appears on the show at some point. I couldn't help it, I said "I know her, she used to work in the Port of Dover". Kids didn't register. Murderous look from my wife. Have now put away all sharp objects just to be on the safe side.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/maud_brijeulin
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2019
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My wife told my four year old daughter that she couldn’t use her plastic IKEA knife to slice mangos.

I said β€œYeah kid, that’s just not going to cut it.”

My wife looked at me and said β€œYou think you’re pretty sharp, don’t you?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cranthony
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2018
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A man walks into a bar with a blade sticking out his eye

The bartender says "you're looking sharp"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheJawsDog
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
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Wrote and sent this to a girl on OkCupid who said she liked cheesy puns. No response.

So you like cheesy puns, eh? Well you've Comte the right place. I can Feta bunch of Gouda puns into one Muenster-sized sentence. None of the other tools in the Cheddar quite as sharp as I am, at least when it comes to cheese puns. Whoever will lend an o-Paneer will be in Whey over their heads. So look out Baylough, I'm dropping a Bandal of comedy gold that will make your Bra and Pantysgawn.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/malagrond
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2018
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What did the knife say to the other knife on prom night?

You're looking sharp!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Racing_Wombat
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2018
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Wanted to make an extra cheesy Valentine for my SO who hates commercial holidays but loves puns.

"I camembert if I’ve told you today, but just in queso I haven’t, you're looking sharp! I havarti accepted you stilton love β€œcheesy” holidays, but ricotta think things can only get feta with a little roman(ce)o. It colby just me, but I swiss you very much when we’re apart. It’s cheddar when we’re together because then I don’t feel provolone. I think we go gouda together, and I want to grow mold with you. Wheel you brie my valentine?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/acertaingestault
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2016
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My dad brought home a set of knives today

I greeted him with "knife to meet you, looking sharp today!"

He told me that the joke didn't cut it ☹️

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2018
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When I worked for a design agency, I had two adamant higher-ups... (Long Pun)

When I worked for a design agency, I had two adamant higher-ups. There was a brand identity project for a new company, and I was in charge of typography, but those two disagreed with my choice of font.

The first one was this stony-looking Peruvian-American man named Esteban Ferrero, but since that's Spanish for Steven Smith, and our company had a rule that everyone has to call each other using nicknames instead of last names, everyone, including himself, just called him Steve. The second one was a Dutch woman with a sharp glare named Evelien van der Berg. She was famous for giving designers a hard time convincing her that their design choices work better than hers. In accordance with the company rules, we called her Eve.

Anyway, I showed Steve my first draft, and he wasn't convinced that I chose LinoLetter as the main font, and told me that I should use a sans-serif font. But I stood by my position that serifs add legibility to printed and digital material, that it fits the company's identity as an organic store, and that it is hard to stand out with a sans-serif. It took a lot of debate, but in the end, Steve was convinced that LinoLetter was acceptable.

A few days later, I showed Eve a more elaborated version, as for the sizes and styles of the font, and the pairing of LinoLetter with Century as the headline font. She insisted that I should have used a sans-serif font for the headline. I expressed my view that LinoLetter is a font with composed and legible shape, and Century, while it is also legible, has flair at larger sizes. She kept disagreeing with me, saying I should use something bolder and more contrasting, like Tungsten. It felt like hours had passed before the conversation went anywhere, so I had to give up and look for a sans-serif font that goes with LinoLetter.

So it goes to show that the one who gave me a hard time was adamant Eve, not adamant Steve.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thefizzynator
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2016
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Dad hit my mom with this one today

We were about to open presents and my mom asked my dad for "something sharp" to which he replied "do you need something sharper than my wit?"

She totally gave him the look.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sloth_jones
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2015
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7 yr old daughter dropped this when I held up her 2 ice cream cone shaped nail polish bottles to my eyes

Me: "hi I'm jimmy ice cream eyes" Her: "hi Jimmy, you're looking sharp today.." As she walked away.

It's like she doesn't even have to try

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πŸ‘€︎ u/legomason
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2016
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Cat-tastrophe

While petting my cat, she placed her paw over my arm, threatening to unsheathe the razor-sharp claws into my forearm. I turn to my dad. "Dad, she's holding me hostage with her paw." "Looks like she has paw-wer over you." Groans insue. Cat leaves.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bioman2222
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2015
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They never knew what hit them

I was tending bar last night and walked up to the service well to make a couple of drinks. The two girls sitting in front of it were in the middle of a conversation. Right as I got there, one of them said "...I just didn't like the sharp taste."

Without looking up, I said "that's why my uncle quit his job as a sword swallower."

Despite the busy bar, I swear that I heard crickets as they stared blankly at me.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/confibulator
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2016
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Couldn't pass up the opportunity after showing off my Christmas gifts

Needed information: My family and I are pretty big Chicago Blackhawks fans. There is a player on the Blackhawks with the name Patrick Sharp.

Story:

For Christmas I got a bunch of Blackhawk themed shirts ranging from t-shirts to long sleeved t-shirts that look like actual jerseys themselves. I got a decent amount of them from my girlfriend's family, so my family didn't see them right away as I opened them at their house. When I got home, I was very excited show them to my family.

So when I grab the long sleeved t-shirt jersey to show to my mom and she says, "Wow that is Sharp!".

I respond back with a grin on my face with a quick "No, there isn't a name on the back of it at all."

It clicked after a few seconds, but I got a groan and a "You knew what I meant..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yab21
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2015
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Dangerous Cheese

I was making broccoli casserole with my friend. I happened to be using sharp cheddar cheese cubes for the recipe. I picked up one and ate it.

I winced in pain holding my mouth.

My friend looked up, concerned.

I shook my head and said "It's so sharp."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/breticles
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2014
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Went to Texas Roadhouse with my dad.

The menu says they have hand cut steaks. You know what that means, right?

looks at me without saying a word for a good 10 seconds

Those chefs must have sharp hands.

Edit: a word

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πŸ‘€︎ u/raunchyfartbomb
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2014
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At the grocery store

I was at the deli counter stocking up on sammich supplies. The people at the counter usually offer samples, especially when I've got my daughter with me. So anyway, I was handing a slice of extra sharp cheddar to my daughter as my wife was walking away, and I called out extra loud(so she could hear me), "Make sure you don't cut yourself!" I looked back with the biggest, most stupidest smile I could muster, and much to my satisfaction, she was weeping in the produce section. With joy, I'm sure.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aMightyWizard
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2015
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I said, "Knives are very cool, dad"

He replied, "Yeah, they're always looking sharp"

I groaned.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2015
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Why did the Knife dress up in a suit?

Because it wanted to look sharp.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spartan17492
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2017
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