Roses are red, cellos are brown
Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down
π︎ 814
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︎ May 08 2021
What's brown and sticky?
π︎ 22
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︎ Jul 04 2021
Dad, can brown-eyed parents give their kids blue genes?
Me: Why of course, son - and sometimes even khakis or chinos if the parents are more stylish.
[Made up by me on the spot in response to my son's question about their biology unit in science class].
π︎ 84
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︎ Jun 19 2021
I was at the store yesterday and some dude threw a jug of milk at my head
π︎ 51
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︎ Dec 31 2020
Me and my jug of water get on well.
π︎ 17
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︎ Feb 23 2021
Whatβs brown and sounds like a bell?
π︎ 9
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︎ Jun 23 2021
Whatβs brown and sits on a piano bench?
Beethovenβs last movement
π︎ 13
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︎ Jun 09 2021
Jugs Judy.
π︎ 2
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︎ Dec 26 2020
I can tolerate algebra, maybe even a little calculus
but graphing is where I draw the line
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Apr 17 2021
"Dad! Help! I've been turned into a Water Jug!"
π︎ 36
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︎ Dec 20 2020
What's brown and full of nuts?
Peanut butter you sickos!
π︎ 5
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︎ May 20 2021
In Quebec, there's a popular dish with french fries, cheese curds and brown gravy.
Seriously, I'm not poutine you on.
π︎ 11
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︎ May 21 2021
Iβm back in my hometown looking after my Dad who gets a little forgetful. I helped him with a transaction, and when we left the store he said βWe need to go to a trophy shop, I need to get a trophy that says-Best Son Ever- βAw Dad, youβre my trophyβ
He looks at me and says βItβs for your brother!β
Edit: Today he said he has to get all the info for my brothers trophyβ¦ because my brother just had a son and my dad wants to get a commemorative βtrophyβ for his grandson! Dβoh! Iβm supposed to be helping him with his confusion.
π︎ 53
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︎ Jul 02 2021
This oneβs a little tender
π︎ 34
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︎ May 28 2021
A little boy asks his dad, "Do trees poop?"
The dad says, "Of course. Where do you think #2 pencils come from?"
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︎ Apr 15 2021
Pro tip: If you are looking for a cheap way to work out at home, consider using milk jugs as weights.
But be sure to use almond or soy milk, Iβve heard theyβre the healthier alternatives.
π︎ 4
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︎ Dec 16 2020
I dated a python for a little while but I had to leave her.
I just felt too constricted
π︎ 21
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︎ Jun 14 2021
I don't like green boogers, or yellow boogers, or big boogers, or little boogers.
I guess you could say I'm rather picky.
π︎ 12
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︎ Jul 01 2021
A dung beetle walks into a bar...
... looks around and then asks, βIs this stool taken?β
π︎ 792
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︎ Jun 24 2021
Reflecting on Prince Philip death, I was chatting with the Mrs and I said, I know Iβm getting a little older, but I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.
She got up, unplugged my laptop and threw out my beerβ¦.
EDIT: Thanks for the kind awards... My first ever! β€οΈ
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Apr 09 2021
What do you call the little dot above the i?
π︎ 8
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︎ Jul 02 2021
A peasant's wife told him to go get milk for the baby. Dutifully, he went to the market with the baby and brought home a hefty jug of milk. "You've forgotten the baby!" she exclaimed.
"No I haven't... I got milk for the baby!"
π︎ 13
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︎ Nov 18 2020
Why do the French eat so little for breakfast?
Because one egg is un Εuf.
π︎ 11
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︎ Jun 28 2021
from my gf's little sister
What's a nurse's favorite game?
Peekaboo ICU
π︎ 68
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︎ Jun 17 2021
It's a little known fact...
It's a little known fact that Ukraine is named after the British weather.
π︎ 8
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︎ Jul 03 2021
They didnβt get it. I think I mightβve swung a little too high with this joke.
π︎ 39
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︎ Jun 09 2021
I tell myself take nothing for granite and be a little Boulder everyday.
π︎ 34
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︎ Jun 02 2021
Have you heard the tragic story about the little bird that became a cardiologist?
π︎ 17
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︎ Jul 04 2021
Me to my little sister: "did you know that a jellyfish has no brain or heart?"
My step-dad next to us: "like a politician"
π︎ 23
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︎ Jul 03 2021
Why does the little mermaid wear seashells?
Because b-shells are too small and d-shells are too big
π︎ 18
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︎ Jun 18 2021
Some dads might find Father's Day a little sad,
but the day beforehand is always a sadder day.
π︎ 23
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︎ Jun 20 2021
A little boy ran up to me " please help, my Dad is in a fight " I followed and we came across two men fighting. I said, " Ok, which one is your Dad ? " ..
.. " I dunno, that's what they're fighting about "
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︎ Jan 22 2021
Ever hear of Henry, Santa's brown nosed reindeer?
He is just as fast as Rodolph but couldn't stop as quickly.
π︎ 11
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︎ Apr 19 2021
My first experience with Preparation H was a little uneasy
but on the hole, it felt good.
π︎ 13
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︎ Jun 09 2021
Little white lie
A garbage man was doing the rounds one morning. He came to a house where there was no bin out front, but there was a man sitting on the porch. β Gβman says: βHey! Whereβs ya bin?β Guy: βIβve been in Florida.β β Gβman: βNo, no. I meant whereβs ya wheely bin?β Guy: βIβve really been in jail but I tell everyone Iβve been in Florida.β
π︎ 16
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︎ Jun 27 2021
Whatβs brown and sticky?
π︎ 53
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︎ Jun 10 2021
Whatβs brown,long and sticky?
π︎ 8
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︎ Jun 02 2021
What's brown and sticky?
π︎ 5
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︎ Jul 01 2021
What's brown and sticky?
π︎ 5
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︎ Jun 19 2021
Whats brown and sticky?!
π︎ 9
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︎ Apr 28 2021
What is brown and sticky!?
π︎ 10
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︎ May 19 2021
Whatβs brown and sticky?
π︎ 9
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︎ Apr 18 2021
What is brown and sticky?
π︎ 14
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︎ Apr 14 2021
Whats brown and sticky
π︎ 11
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︎ Apr 09 2021
Whatβs brown and sticky?
π︎ 2
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︎ May 04 2021
What's brown and sticky ?
π︎ 20
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︎ Apr 02 2021
Whatβs brown and sticky
π︎ 4
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︎ Apr 15 2021
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