I saw a comedy sketch on how people from around the country talk differently.

It was an accent piece.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ontoforever
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2021
🚨︎ report
As we drove past Ikea, my dad began one of his rants β€œWhy do people want Swedish furniture? The fancy closet in my bedroom was built by a good ol’ fashioned local carpenter, none of this foreign import rubbish!” He was surprisingly vocal...

For a closet racist.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dongwaffler
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you know that Olive branch is a symbol of peace. People were using olive branch during the history to declare truce by giving it to their enemies

If you are wondering how I know this, it's because olive random trivia

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thebadtman1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2021
🚨︎ report
What is the oldest kind of nugget?

Dinosaur nuggets

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Derpvboii
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Three men were onboard a ship playing dice on deck when the oldest man angrily jumped off the front of the boat. The younger man said..

You keeled my father. Prepare two die.

*I sent this to my brother and he replies: Was his name Inyougo?

^(What a freaking professional)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/calvinweight
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
🚨︎ report
I have a list of friends who love palindromes!

Nell, Edna, Leon, Nedra, Anita, Rolf, Nora, Alice, Carol, Leo, Jane, Reed, Dena, Dale, Basil, Rae, Penny, Lana, Dave, Denny, Lena, Ida, Bernadette, Ben, Ray, Lila, Nina, Jo, Ira, Mara, Sara, Mario, Jan, Ina, Lily, Arne, Bette, Dan, Reba, Diane, Lynn, Ed, Eva, Dana, Lynne, Pearl, Isabel, Ada, Ned, Dee, Rena, Joel, Lora, Cecil, Aaron, Flora, Tina, Arden, Noel, and Ellen.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2021
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So I made this list of people ranked by their interest in paper based drawing boards.

I call it the flip charts.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrowningStructure
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
The oldest computer was owned by Adam and Eve.

It was an Apple with very limited memory. Just 1 byte and everything crashed!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/viky_boy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
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Today is the Ides of March, when Caesar was famously assassinated. But what most people don't know is that he wasn't stabbed, but poisoned, by Hemlock leaves in his salad - hence the name "Caesar's Salad." When Brutus asked how many Hemlock leaves Caesar ingested, Caesar said:

Ate two, Brute.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoodChadAndUgly
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2021
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What do you call a country of lazy people?

The Procrastination

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AudenWolfe
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
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I once visited a country where a lot of people were called Yuri and it stank of pee.

It must have been the Yuri-nation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bbew_Mot
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
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Some people were arguing about the most important part of a kitchen.

"The sink is the most important! It's where you get water for cooking, wash your hands, clean fruits and vegetables, and clean the dishes up afterwards."

But another person said,

"The countertop is even more important. It's where the food is prepared. And if the counter weren't there, you wouldn't have a sink at all!"

The first person was shocked. They weren't expecting a counterargument.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TabCompletion
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
🚨︎ report
What’s the oldest age someone could get a circumcision?

I just want to know the cutoff date.

πŸ‘︎ 15k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
A lot of people think that crop circles are caused by alien aircrafts.

But, I think they are done by cereal killers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2021
🚨︎ report
Nurse: Here is the list of heart, liver and kidney donors arranged in alphabetical order.

Doctor: Thank you. It is very organ-ized.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VeryLastBison
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2021
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They should count all the people in this country that make $40k a year or less

Seems like common census

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Irv-Elephant
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report
A lot of people can’t tell the difference between entomology and etymology.

I can’t find the words for how much this bugs me.

πŸ‘︎ 375
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrsBunnyPants26
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
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Paleontologists found the world's oldest toothbrush.

They believe it came from the Flossiraptor

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dvd86er
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
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What do you call a group of deaf people?

I don't know. But it is definitely not herd.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BowelMovementator
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend asked if I knew of any Middle Eastern countries…

I was like. Oman, I don’t know. Then I I was like, Yemen, I might be able to name a few.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dr-fuhrer
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Some people think that being a waiter is a bad job or the result of poor choices...

but hey, at least I put food on the table...

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlabamaMayan
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2021
🚨︎ report
What kind of people never get angry?

Nomads

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cleroksr
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list...

Now I can't read anything.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
🚨︎ report
After many years of therapy, my psychologist has finally cured me of the desire to sit in the corner in public and blow on people that walk by! But now I have the urge to wear teen idol t-shirts and lean against the wall...

Long time fan, first time poster.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I tried to plan a tour of the worlds oldest library

Unfortunately it was fully booked

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Folically-endowed
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I wrote down the names of all the people I hate on a piece of paper, but my roommate used it roll up a joint.

Now he’s high on the list of people I never want to talk to again.

πŸ‘︎ 20k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What is the slipperiest country in the world ?

Greece

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nobody492
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
🚨︎ report
Nauru is the most obese country in the world, followed by the Cook Islands.

Does that mean that the Cook Islands have a fat chance of catching up?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bananarang1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
🚨︎ report
My dad's not allowed to speak Japanese, let alone teach the language. But there's nothing that says he can't teach Japanese cooking and geography. So far, I just learned the cooking tools and the location of the country.

This is Japan, this is ja-spatula, this is ja-whisk, this is ja-wok, this is ja-mixer, this is ja-fork, this is ja-spoon, and these are ja-chopsticks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FoxyCamoCat738
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
🚨︎ report
The benefits of beer listed in bullet pints:

🍺 Beer is more nutritious than other alcoholic drinks.

🍺 Beer can help protect your heart.

🍺 Beer helps prevent kidney stones.

🍺 Beer lowers bad cholesterol.

🍺 Beer strengthens your bones.

🍺 Beer helps reduce stress.

🍺 Beer may help improve memory.

🍺 Beer helps cognitive function.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
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I just found out the country of Canada is a complete work of fiction.

It’s all Maple leaf

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πŸ‘€︎ u/berryman85
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
The number of people older than you....

Will always decrease.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2021
🚨︎ report
A lot of people are shocked by the recent events in NASCAR

What is often characterized as a very conservative organization has taken a stance against racism. I'm not surprised at all though. To anyone who's been paying attention, from its very beginnings, NASCAR has always been veering to the left.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
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I asked all the countries in the world if they wanted to throw a party. All of them told me they can't because of covid.

Only one was like "Yemen"

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
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During the French Revolution thousands of people met their end with the blade of the guillotine, including King Louis XVI

He should have quit while he was a head

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordCinko
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Road Signs Across The Country Are Warning Drivers Of Road Conditions

I C Y

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bawkalor
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2021
🚨︎ report
I've just made a list of the top 10 dad jokes I know. The first 9 are alright but the last one is absoutely briliant.
  1. alright
  2. alright
  3. alright
  4. alright
  5. alright
  6. alright
  7. alright
  8. alright
  9. alright
  10. absoutely briliant
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skycam3014
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
79% of people don't know opposite words for the following.
  1. Always
  2. Coming
  3. From
  4. Take
  5. Me
  6. Down
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tekprojekt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
🚨︎ report
On big holidays, some people will demand the world of you.

Like a good friend, I only need your presents.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HeyWhatsItToYa
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
🚨︎ report
you know what drives old people up the wall?

stair lifts

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Emily-Savage
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2021
🚨︎ report
At the beginning of the Common Era, people had no idea how to track years.

But then they did a complete 1 AD.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
🚨︎ report
Shout out to the people asking what the opposite of in is.

Stolen from dad jokes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bmantis311
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2021
🚨︎ report
People who name their dogs; Bailey, Brandy, Sherry, Jameson, Hooch or other names of the likes..

Are far more likely to have licker problems

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Plothound
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
🚨︎ report
A lot of people think that crop circles are done by alien aircrafts.

But I think they are done by cereal killers.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2021
🚨︎ report
What's the oldest age someone could get a circumcision ?

I just need to know the cut-off date.

πŸ‘︎ 62
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a country of lazy people?

Procrastination

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/callmefinny
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
🚨︎ report

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