Why did people loose so much money in derivative products and markets.
Because they had no option.
The name for Worcestershire sauce was derived in a West Virginia diner when a customer called the waitress over and asked,
"Hey, what's this here sauce?"
Did you hear Jack Dorsey changed the name of his company from 'Square' to 'Block'?
He added a whole new dimension to the business.
I bought a belt off of Amazon from a company called Orion. I was hoping it would be the best belt I'd ever owned, but it was just so-so.
I wrote down the names of all the people I hate on a piece of paper, but my roommate used it roll up a joint.
Now he’s high on the list of people I never want to talk to again.
I want to start a gas company that deals exclusively in fuel derived from dog fossils. It’s going to be called Paw Petrol.
A crocodile is the owner of a telephone company, the name of the company?
Collecting puns of fake companies. Here’s a list
So far I’ve got:
Sandwich co (you can’t beat our meat)
IT company (if you’ve got a Trojan we can help)
Laundry service (dont press your luck)
Organic shop (all we do is pot, and pull hoes) or (getting down and dirty with your hoes)
Pet groomers (send your dog to pound town)
Transport and travel [by plane] (we’ll get you high)
Financial planner (saving lives, with your life savings)
Bakery (fresh perky muffins in the front, soft buns in the back)
Coffee shop (Mugging you at every corner)
Still looking for raunchy puns and double entendres for:
A Podcast/ music studio
A Personal chef
A Tour and travel agency
A Health care company
A Record studio
A Game developer
A Copyrighting co
A Tailor
A Garage/bike repair company
A Clothing/hat maker
A Personal trainer
A Truck sharing (moving co)
An Architecture bureau or real estate co
An Illustrator
A Pest control company
A Wedding planner
A Fishing and charter tour company
A Liquor store
Help me out.
A buddy of mine named his dog ‘5 miles’ so he could tell people he walked 5 miles
But today he ran over 5 miles
What’s the name of the Arab that derived the quadratic equation?
My daughter asked me why there are a lot of soaps that smell like lavender. I said "It's just a popular smell that a lot of people like, like sweet orange, lemongrass and rosemary." She paused and then nodded and replied:
"Yes, that seems like common scents."
How do heating and cooling companies brainwash people?
I started reading the dictionary from A to Z. People said its stupid and a waste of time.
True story, just happened, proud of myself: Dog starts barking furiously out of nowhere. Come to the door to see she's startled a pair of guys from a roofing company who've come to fix a hole where squirrels are getting in.
"Sorry about her. Her specialty is also roofing."
Blank stares. My talents are so wasted without kids.
So what if I'm not part of a culturally similar indigenous peoples inhabiting the Arctic regions of Greenland, Canada and Alaska that speaks a language that is part of the Eskimo–Aleut family.
I could try harder to be, but I guess I'm just not Inuit.
What is the name of a place where people fight each other using a banana?
I guess people are just going crazy about the exterior of that new cargo ship that was named for the bear from the Jungle Book.
Personally, I’m tired of the hullabaloo.
As I was walking down the street, an old man came up to me and explained all the benefits of dining on meals with mint derived from sub-shrub herbs...
I thanked him for the sage advice but went on about my business.
People keep asking for the name of my Indian corporate catering service
I tell them it’s Naan Ya Business
A man who suffered from epilepsy decided to start an epilepsy support group. 6 people joined his newly formed group, and to celebrate, they decided to go sailing together. Wouldn't you know they found another boat with strobe lights and...
A list of puns I made about a friend named Ann.
ANNforgivable,
ANNother One,
bANNed,
ANNdroid,
ANNticlimactic,
ANNbelievable,
ANNemployment,
ANNcharted,
ANNgry,
ANNlucky,
ANNseen,
ANNalyze,
ANNadvised,
ANNafraid,
ANNaided,
ANNapologetic,
United NatANNs,
AmericANN, CanadiANN, IndiANN, JamaicANN, BritANN, JapANN, AsiANN, HumANN,
ANNoying,
DirectANN,
ProductANN,
DestructANN,
RegeneratANN,
AcceleratANN,
AbsorptANN,
AccommodatANN,
AccumulatANN
ActANN,
additANN,
SubscriptANN,
SubtractANN,
MultiplicatANN,
DivisANN,
EducatANN,
AssumptANN,
AppreciatANN,
ANNything.
Girlfriend got this from one of her kindy kids; My family name is Barker. My dad is a Barker, my mom is barker, I am a Barker
To liven things up for the staff, I have decided that from the start of next week I am going to come into work dressed as a different kind of bread product every day.
A guy walked into a bar and he saw a big line of people waiting to punch the guy
Yeah that's the punchline
These days not a lot of people are named Lance.
But in Medieval times people were named Lancelot.
So I just found out that Chad Kroeger from Nickelback, loves to taking part in Nativity plays. He’s been a shepherd, the inn keeper and one year, he even played the rear end of the donkey...
But he never made it as a wise man
What's the difference between a restriction and a line of people waiting to stroke my cat?
One's a curfew.
The other's a fur queue.
Why do Polish people have the word “ski” at the end of their name?
Because you need Poles to ski.
When Columbus discovered America and met Indigenous people,
Bet Jay Z loves a 99. (Rest of world buddies, a 99 is the name of the best UK ice cream, not what you're thinking). (UK people, it is the best)
A conversation I had on a dating app. For context, her instagram is mainly pictures of chairs and her name rhymes with chair.
I was banned from /r/dadjokes for posting about my love of canned pork products
A man is visiting friends in Alabama and decides he’s needs a drink so he goes to a local bar He walks in and orders a glass of wine. Everyone sitting around the bar looks up expecting to see a flamboyant yankee. The bartender eyes him suspiciously and asks “ you ain’t from around here are you?”
“No sir,” He says, “I’m from Minnesota”
“ What the hell do you do in Minnesota” the bartender asks.
“Im a taxidermist!” The man replies.
“What the hell is that!?” The bartender asks.
The guy says nervously “ I umm, mount dead animals”
The bartender smiles and shouts out to the whole bar “ it’s ok fellas, he’s one of us!”
An arrogant man walked into a bar. He used violence to get ahead of the people in line and when he ordered a drink, he took a straw. Everybody in the lane behind him got angry and jumped at him...
I just got fired, and as severance, my company gave me a bag of used coffee.
They said it was grounds for termination.
A co-worker of mine just found out she’s having a girl and was asking for name ideas
I suggested the name Stacey because then she will be Stacey’s mom and she will always have it going on
My wife yelled from the bedroom asking, “Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body like someone’s got a voodoo doll of you and they’re stabbing it?” I replied, “No.”
She yelled back, "How about now?"
Blind Man: "Please help me, everyone keeps making nasty jokes about how my disability means I'm somehow inferior to them. I'm constantly hearing thoughtless, heartless reminders about how I'm different from other people, and lacking a sense they have."
World's Worst Therapist: "I see."
Open a company for boob jobs and name it Entity.
I read a Study where 4 out of 10 people suffer from diarrhea.
Does that mean the other six enjoy it?
I keep calling my wife Delilah even though her name is Delia. I keep calling our lawn "the green, green grass of home". And worst of all, every time I see a cat, I can't help but ask, "What's new, pussycat?"
It turns out I have Tom Jones Syndrome. My doctor says it's not unusual.
I made a list of all the people I hate … but my roommate rolled a joint with it …
Now he’s high on the list of people I never want to talk to again.
A buddy of mine named his dog “5 Miles” so he could tell people he walked 5 miles
But today he ran over 5 Miles
I wrote down the names of all the people I hate on a piece of paper, but my roommate used it roll up a joint.
Now he’s high on the list of people I never want to talk to again.
So I walked into a bar and saw a line of people with their fists up…
I walked in a bar and saw a bunch of people waiting to punch a guy
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