Then again, I get where he’s coming from.
Then IT hit me!
Nell, Edna, Leon, Nedra, Anita, Rolf, Nora, Alice, Carol, Leo, Jane, Reed, Dena, Dale, Basil, Rae, Penny, Lana, Dave, Denny, Lena, Ida, Bernadette, Ben, Ray, Lila, Nina, Jo, Ira, Mara, Sara, Mario, Jan, Ina, Lily, Arne, Bette, Dan, Reba, Diane, Lynn, Ed, Eva, Dana, Lynne, Pearl, Isabel, Ada, Ned, Dee, Rena, Joel, Lora, Cecil, Aaron, Flora, Tina, Arden, Noel, and Ellen.
They're still looking for the driver!
I said that’s impossible, Labor Day is in September!
(New dad of a 3 week old, trying to step into my new role)
Doctor: Thank you. It is very organ-ized.
He was named Justin Case.
The Quaranteens
Can you call them the infantry?
Now I can't read anything.
Her friends saw her and asked, "Mary, what are YOU doing here??"
Mary said, "I get knocked up, but I get down again."
He got toad.
It was worth it though... That club was hopping.
Chicken tenders
Papa Roach: “Suffocation. No breathing.”
🍺 Beer is more nutritious than other alcoholic drinks.
🍺 Beer can help protect your heart.
🍺 Beer helps prevent kidney stones.
🍺 Beer lowers bad cholesterol.
🍺 Beer strengthens your bones.
🍺 Beer helps reduce stress.
🍺 Beer may help improve memory.
🍺 Beer helps cognitive function.
Purée!!!
(I literally just came up with this and am a new dad. Please be gentle)
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- absoutely briliant
"That's not what I said. I said it was the alpaca lips!"
K9P
Elongate
It was open Mike night.
The Swallow.
She noticed a blanket and asked if it was womb temperature. I laughed and thought she’d make a great dad one day while my wife tried to not smile
Stake n shake!
(I'm not sure if this is a regional restaurant but I assure you it exists.)
He's currently assembling his cabinet.
She said, “Try Sarah Topps”
"Sorry about her. Her specialty is also roofing."
Blank stares. My talents are so wasted without kids.
It closed after a week as most men couldn't find it.
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now
Number 3 will shock you
And the guy says “how many tattoos I have now”
One, ein, un, bat, ekab, moja, wahed, odin, yski
Rajer
Minnow pause?
It looks like no one showed up.
I said, "Sure, why not?"
Then IT hit me!
