What do you call a wife who is average in all areas of life?
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︎ Aug 05 2022
Is this the real life? Is this just
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︎ Jul 14 2022
What do you call a dead bee which is brought back to life, with dark magic?
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︎ Aug 12 2022
What is an actual dad joke you remember your father (or father figure in your life) telling when you were young?
Mine is definitely: βIβm hungry.β Him: βHi hungry, Iβm Dad.β
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︎ Aug 27 2022
I asked my North Korean friend: how is life?
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︎ Aug 13 2022
I've decided that life is too short and that in order to do the things I really want to do I should stop procrastinating
I'm gonna start the week after next
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︎ Aug 06 2022
Picking locks is a useful life skill...
It opens a lot of doors in life.
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︎ May 31 2022
Who is at the center of American life?
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︎ Jul 05 2022
Life is like a box of chocolate.
Fat people finish it faster.
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︎ Jul 21 2022
Lord Nelson was 5ft 4 inches tall in real life, but his statue in London is more than 18 feet tall.
Thatβsβ¦a Horatio of more than 3:1.
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︎ Jul 11 2022
Preston is a door. He loved his life. Why so?
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︎ Jun 30 2022
Life is a dick...
Sometimes it gets hard for no reason.
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︎ May 01 2022
When I was a young boy my dad said to me, you can be anything you want in life, the sky is the limit.
Which made me sad. cause I wanted to an astronaut.
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︎ Jun 04 2022
Why is it that all of the instruments seeking intelligent life in the universe are pointed away from Earth?
To avoid false positives.
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︎ May 22 2022
A bat goes into a "bat therapist" because he thinks his life is spiraling out of control...
The therapist asks "So bat, what seems to be the problem?"
The bat says "I dunno, every time I try to go to sleep, it feels like my whole world is right side up"
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︎ May 05 2022
Life is short.
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︎ Apr 07 2022
Life is like a knife in the foot
Any way you slice it it fucking hurts
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︎ Feb 03 2022
Today is the only day in my new grandsonβs life that he canβt say βI wasnβt born yesterday β.
Because he was. We are stoked btw
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︎ Jan 20 2022
Life is getting tough for Russian oligarchs
It's gonna cost them a yacht
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︎ Mar 17 2022
My clothing store is using a life sized Darth Vader figurine to model their clothing line
I, for one, really enjoy mannequin skywalker
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︎ Mar 09 2022
I know a man who is so good at taxidermy, the level of detail is incredible and he really brings the animal to life, especially deer...
That's why he makes the big bucks.
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︎ Feb 26 2022
So it turns out that life is just one big test - but thatβs okayβ¦..
Apparently everyone will pass.
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︎ Feb 25 2022
How is life like toilet paper?
>!Youβre either on a roll or taking shit from someone.!<
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︎ Dec 23 2021
Help! This fishy ballpoint is trying to end my life!
The sus pen is killing me!
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︎ Feb 22 2022
Why is it hard for life guards to save hippies ?
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︎ Sep 28 2021
Still-life art is not inspirational.
I mean, it's not moving at all.
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︎ Feb 03 2022
The closest to experiencing life as a hot woman most guys get to feel is walking into a car dealership.
Desperate, slightly unpleasant men will be clamoring for your interest.
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︎ Nov 14 2021
Life is like a box of... Chewing gum
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︎ Nov 08 2021
Male bees die after mating. Their life is basicallyβ¦
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︎ Jun 27 2021
My son said his life is a joke...
I told him no it's not, jokes have a meaning
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︎ Jan 02 2022
Of course the only thing I would trust to save my life is a bagel.
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︎ Nov 09 2021
Life is the biggest party you'll ever be at
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︎ Sep 13 2021
My greatest joy in life is clubbing baby seals.
Nothing warms my heart more than seeing these cute furry creatures hanging out at the bar and singing karaoke.
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︎ Sep 04 2021
Hoe is life
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︎ Aug 21 2021
A man, who is sentenced to life imprisonment, decides to dig a tunnel to escape. He works for many months on this tunnel, and finally finishes it.
He decides to break out during the day, figuring the guards will not suspect this. As he breaks through the ground to the surface, he finds himself in a preschool playground.
He is surprised, but he rejoices anyway, shouting, "I'm free, I'm free!"
At this a little girl approaches him, puts her hand on her hip, and says, "big deal! I'm four!"
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︎ Nov 16 2021
Is this the real life?
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︎ Feb 06 2021
Life under the sea is better than the human world apparently
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︎ Jul 03 2021
Today is the worst day of my life. My wife got hit by a bus and....
I lost my job as a bus driver
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︎ Jul 18 2021
My sex life is like Abraham Lincoln's.
My last four scores were seven years ago.
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︎ Jun 29 2021
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