Actimel marketing level: father of 3 imgur.com/T9JUcPY
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UnfunMid
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2017
🚨︎ report
Pun-off 2017 -- Top level comments are the topic, children are the pun.

Example:

Top Level: FISH

Pun Level: I really like fish, but some people don't, they find them really icthy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sarah_Connor
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2017
🚨︎ report
About my light drinking years

Context: My friends and I were playing an RPG (along the lines of DnD) over skype. I was describing a past event in my perpetually ridiculously drunken bard's life.

Friend 1: So wait, were you drunk at this moment?

Friend 2: Do you need to ask?

Me: Well, I only had a few pints of whiskey that evening. In terms of drinking, those were my light years.

Friend 1: Would you say that those were your...

...buzzed light years?

So many levels of pun, I couldn't believe it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/illdiewithoutpi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2016
🚨︎ report
Farting in a packed elevator...

It's wrong on so many levels.

πŸ‘︎ 191
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mac_OrchardYT
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are elevator jokes so good?

They work on so many levels

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaxerfp
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't know why people are afraid of flying...

Most crashes happen at ground level.

πŸ‘︎ 75
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
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Did you hear about Darth Vader daughter Elle?

Her power is on a whole different level! ( just made this up, my daughter eat impressed) lol

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/atg0184
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I took Binary 101 last semester, but failed it miserably.

Turns out it was a level 5 course.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
For all the time they spend in a school, you'd think that fish are really smart.

But it turns out, they're all below C level.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/weirdgroovynerd
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't think Marine Biology is the right major for me.

My grades are below C-level

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
If Emily gets depantsed in front of her friends...

She’s em-bare-assed on 2 levels

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RotaryPhoneDialer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Patel was teaching a boy named Ed basic geometry, which he was failing to grasp even on the most basic levels. He mistook squares for triangles, circles for hexagons and so on...

So Patel tried to go to the lowest level and put a dot on the paper.

"What this, Ed?"

"A line?" the boy replied.

"I... I expected more from you. I'm... This a point, Ed."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/alkaath
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Training for dad level jokes.

My wife is pregnant with our first child so I'm stepping up my joke game to reach dad level.

Mother's day was not so long ago, and since she isn't a mother yet but only a future mother, I didn't get her flowers I only got her seeds, which are future flowers.

At least I found it hilarious and so did she. Hope you guys enjoy this!

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jackybeau
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Stay Positive

Son is working on math. Currently working on negative numbers, which is below his level (pun intended).

Wife says, "He is really bored. If you can think of anything to say to help that would be great.

Me to son, β€œHey buddy, I know you are working on negative numbers and that is boring. Try to stay positive.”

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
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Had a race to see who could hang out our towels on the washing line quickest.

It was level pegging.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ReaperWright88
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Many years after the great flood, God came to Noah again and spoke: β€œNoah, it is my wish that you build another ark.”

Rather worried, Noah said β€œBut my Lord, have the people not been good this time? Must there be another flood?”

β€œNo, there will not be a flood, the people have been good.” Said the Lord.

β€œThen why another ark?” Asked Noah.

β€œI wish for this ark to only house fish.” The Lord replied.

A slightly confused Noah responded β€œOkay... I shall do as you wish my Lord.”

β€œBut not just any fish; only carp.” The Lord said unto him.

Noah, now more bemused, replied β€œUh- okay my Lord.”

β€œOne more thing.” The Lord said unto him β€œit needs to have multiple levels.”

β€œAre you sure my Lord? What is the purpose of this? What on earth is it all for?” Noah pressed.

And God said: β€œI want you to build a multi-story carp-ark.”

Passed from my father unto me, to pass onto my son when he becomes a father.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dongwaffler
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
This Is A Paid advertisement: Have a home project you’re working on? For a limited time, Lowes Home Improvement is now selling Levels 2 for the price of 1!

Multi-level marketing

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BHarcade
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
This story is about a man called Trevor, and his obsession with tractors.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

β€œWell” said Jeff, β€œAs I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

β€œYes of course” replied Trevor

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShredderSte
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Once I got lost in a building in China

It was Wong on so many levels.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/timfuzail
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did Winnie the Pooh take a dump in the elevator?

He wanted to take his shit to the next level.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/winkelschleifer
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
🚨︎ report
If you were treated at the Mayo Clinic

for mustard gas exposure, would you ever catch up to previous health levels?

Food for thought

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rqstewart
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Have you heard the one about the elevator?

It works on so many levels.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bill_Baldwin
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Some unexpected consequences of coronavirus..

So it's been almost 3 weeks since a lockdown was triggered in the UK and there have been quite a few knock on effects.. Some good and some bad which I want to share in this post.

Firstly one of my friends lost his job. He worked as a psychic.. Never saw it coming. Its been a difficult couple of weeks and he is now considering a complete career change...considering becoming a baker of all things.. But I suppose he really kneads the dough. I suggested he focus on photography, but nothing ever developed.

Another of my friends was also made redundant. He managed to get a Skype interview for a position in Tescos within a few days. The interviewer asked him: "what is your biggest weakness?", he replied "I don't know when to quit". The interviewer said "OK, your hired". He said "I quit".

Work has been busy for me but since I can't enjoy the things I usually do I have been looking for some new things to do around the house. It's been nice have the thyme to do more cooking. I randomly started a boat building business in my garage.. Sails have gone through the roof.

In an unsettling reversal of my teenage years I am now shouting at my parents for leaving the house. I suggested they take up scrabble to keep them occupied.. Turned out to be a bad idea from the word go.

It's been great hearing about how world pollution levels have been failling. I read the story about fish now being visible in the canals in Venice.. I hope that story isnt a load of pollocks! Cod, these were eely bad. Will stop carping on now!

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
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When watching Hentai I’m always surprised

to what level of animation we’ve cum to

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DieserBene
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I pooped in the elevator

I took that shit to another level!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/A-Aron-Rod-gers
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Airline food is disgusting

It just isn’t on the same level as homemade and restaurant food

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Muggz_s
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2020
🚨︎ report
father: how are your grades son?

πŸ“·

son: underwater, dad

father: underwater? what do you mean?

son: they're below C level

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/liltrigger
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2018
🚨︎ report
What are the requirements to work in marine biology?

Your grades need to be above C-level

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/evac95
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are elevator jokes so classic and good?

They work on any levels:)

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Farting in elevators...

...is wrong on so many levels.

πŸ‘︎ 80
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ronessdanholnic
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are elevator jokes so good?

They work on so many levels.

πŸ‘︎ 225
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tinnber
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I failed a math test on an elevator.

I got it wrong on so many levels.

An old one I know, I just thought the punchline needed revision.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SD_Swift
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I once farted on an elevator

It was wrong on so many levels.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/enganere
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Sex on an elevator is wrong...

Sex on an elevator is wrong, . . . . . . . . . . . . . . On so many levels...

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BestServedColder
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I signed up for a Binary 101 class, but I failed it miserably.

Turns out it’s a Level 5 course.

πŸ‘︎ 224
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Crime on multi storey car parks.

Wrong on so many levels.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GeneralHornbill
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are elevator jokes so good?

They work on so many levels.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/danuser8
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the best thing about elevator jokes?

They work on so many levels.

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chopinsbach
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
🚨︎ report
A man that makes a mistake in an elevator,

is wrong on many levels

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mystichunterz
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
🚨︎ report
You know why gamers make the best friends?

Because they always level with you.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSinkingShit
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Want to hear an elevator joke?

Girlfriend: No

Me: you sure? It’s really next level.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/copper_bullet
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
🚨︎ report
The thing about cheating in an elevator is...

It is wrong on so many levels.

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elias_m_o2
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the fish fail school?

He was below c level

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oisgray
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
🚨︎ report

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