rick ash-tree
I haven’t been able to tell a single dad joke all year
True story. Wife was cooking dinner and says you know what's odd?
With out hesitation I say: the number 7?
Never did find out what else was odd
....he was an Austr-alien
RAPUNZEL: (to hair) “You’re really sweet, but I think we should just be friends.”
Guards.
I realized it was just the start of a whole new Era.
Because that's how I roll.
They were noice-cancelling.
It's paid fraternity leave.
So I looked her straight in the eyes and said "Santa isn't real"
So I left the next day and haven't been back
Well, I guess that backfired.
had to explain to them I lost interest and decided to become a principle.
Years ago, my father and his wife were stuffing whoppers, sour patch kids and other assorted candies into stockings. He turns to her and says in all seriousness, "Did you just fart?"
She says no, of course.
Dad: "That's funny, because I smell a whopper!"
Additional info if necessary - Whoppers are chocolate covered malt balls.
He's a mortician.
I love my Granddaddy.
Shared an article with friends talking about how much of a let down the sales were for the Amazon Prime Day today.
Friend: "Go figure. All hype, no deliver."
Me: "Well, they are delivering. Two-day free shipping even!"
